The Secret's In The Telling
by crashxintoyou
Summary: Imagine life back in the mid-1930s, what were people's lives like back then? Well this story tells of six young people's lives, the past lives of a group of friends from Tree Hill, North Carolina. What were their past lives like?
1. This Is Your Life

**Characters:**

Lindsay Sarrisin Roe – Haley James Scott

Adam Roe – Lucas Scott

James Scott – Nathan Scott

Amber Miller – Brooke Davis

Mandy Wilson Jagielski – Peyton Sawyer

Jacob Jagielski – Jake Jagieski

_

* * *

_

November 20, 1934

Lindsay walked down to the stairs to where the party had already started. As she walked towards the conservatory she caught a glance of Amber and James kissing in the corner of the other room. She looked down at the floor saddened by the sight. If only she and Adam were like that still.

Lindsay had married Adam earlier that year since her parents had made her marry him. Her parents wanted her to be with a wealthy man and well, that was Adam. She knew Adam didn't love her at all, but she would have to deal with it.

She was starting to become suspicious that he might even be cheating on her, not that it wouldn't surprise her. The thing with these speakeasies was that everyone was supposed to enjoy themselves, but Adam always took it too far. Adam would drink too much during the party. Then he would leave later on after it was over only to come back the next morning. Sadly there was no way for Lindsay to divorce him at all.

Lindsay walked into the conservatory where she found Adam talking to some of his friends. Lindsay sat on the arm of the chair that Adam was sitting in. Adam just continued in his conversation as if she wasn't there.

Adam looked up at expectantly, "Lindsay, sweetie, can you get me another drink?"

Lindsay took the bottle as he shoved it at her. "Don't you think you've had enough?"

Lindsay saw a glint of anger in his eye as she said this. "I know when I have had enough." "But Adam-", Adam cut her off, "Just get me another drink Lindsay." Even through the slurring she could sense some anger in his voice. Without questioning him again she walked off to the bar.

Just as Lindsay reached the bar, Mandy walked up to her. "Hey Lindsay." Lindsay smiled as she looked over at Mandy. "Hey Mandy."

Mandy smiled back at her, "How are you doing?" Lindsay bit her lip before she answered, forcing herself to lie about it. "I'm doing good, how about you? Having fun?"

A grin spread across Mandy's lips, "I'm just fine. You always throw the best parties Lindsay. Why do you even ask?"

There was a silence as the two girls didn't say anything. Mandy looked over at Lindsay with a questioning look. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh nothing. I'm just kind of out of it tonight." Lindsay forced a small smile onto her lips.

Mandy nudged her slightly, "Come on Lindsay, I know you better than that."

Lindsay sighed, "Because I'm having a horrible night." Mandy looked at her worriedly, "Why? What happened?"

A pained smile formed on Lindsay's lips, "Oh nothing, just the usual. You know how Adam can be when he is drunk." Mandy nodded in agreement. "Oh right. You don't think he will leave again tonight do you?"

Shaking her head she looked down at her feet. "I don't know and I don't really care anymore." Lindsay looked back up at her a saddened look still on her face.

Mandy caught Lindsay looking over at James as she said that. Mandy decided not to mention anything about it. Lindsay looked over again seeing James walk over to the bar. James smiled over at Lindsay as he came up to the bar. Lindsay smiled back.

Mandy broke the silence, "Hi James."

James smiled at both of them, "Hey Ladies." The bartender took his old glass and went to get him a drink.

After a few moments of the threesome standing there in silence Lindsay spoke up. "Hey James, how are you? I haven't talked to you in a while."

James turned his attention to Lindsay, "I'm doing good, how are you and Adam doing?" Lindsay looked up at him forcing a smile, "Oh just fine. What about you and…Amber?"

James noticed her uneasiness but brushed it off as nothing. "We're doing good. Speaking of which, I need to go find Amber; I'll catch you ladies later." He quickly took his drink from the bartender then walked back to the conservatory.

Mandy eyed Lindsay suspiciously. Lindsay looked at her as she raised her eyebrow in question. "What?"

"I see the way you look at him," Mandy said as she gave Lindsay her signature smirk.

Lindsay laughed nervously, "What are you talking about?"

Mandy looked at her still smirking, "I see it in your eyes." Her smirk grew into a grin, "Linds, you have feelings for him still don't you?"

Lindsay felt herself blushing, "No! No no no...I love Adam."

Mandy eyed at her suspiciously, "Do you really _love_ him?" Lindsay swallowed hard, "Yes of course. Why wouldn't I? He's my husband."

"Okay, well I'm going to find Amber. See you later. Bye." Mandy shook her head as she pushed off from the counter and walked off. Lindsay looked down at her feet as she quietly said goodbye. She looked back up and mumbled something under her breath. "Okay, but James is probably sucking her face right now."

* * *

Lindsay said her last good byes as the last couple walked out the door. She shut the front door, and then there was a loud crash in the kitchen. She rushed into the kitchen to find Adam.

Lindsay looked down at the mess on the kitchen floor. "What happened?"

Adam walked toward her drunkenly, "Oh nothing, just this pan was in the way, clean this mess up would you?"

"Fine, you just go sit down for a while," she said.

"Thanks Hun, you're a doll," Adam slurred. He made his way out of the kitchen.

"No problem sweetie," Lindsay called after him. She sighed as she walked across the kitchen to get a mop.

Lindsay got down on the floor and began to mop up the mess Adam had left. After a while she heard the front door slam shut. She closed her eyes, saddened by the fact that this always happens to her. She sat up and leaned against the cabinet. She sighed. A few tears streaming down her face.

Suddenly the doorbell rang; Lindsay wiped her tears away and got up. Lindsay rushed to the door as fast as she could; she quickly opened the door to find James standing on the porch.

James looked over at her with a smile on his face. "Hey Lindsay, sorry to bother you, but I forgot my wallet." His smile faded as he saw the expression on her face. "Is everything okay?"

Lindsay shook her head, "Oh no, it's fine." James looked down at her not really believing her. "You sure? You look like you've been crying."

Shaking her head once more, "No, I'm fine. Thanks for asking though."

James looked at her with concern in his eyes, "Linds, to tell you the truth I've noticed that you haven't been very happy lately. I've been kind of worried. Whatever it is, you can tell me. Is it Adam?"

Lindsay bit her lip, hesitating a bit. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of a car honking. The two of them looked out to the street where the car was parked.

"Sorry, Amber's waiting, I should probably go."

Lindsay nodded, a small smile appearing on her face. "Yeah, no problem. Here..." She hands the wallet she'd found earlier to him.

James took the wallet from her, "Thanks Lindsay." He turned to leave but stopped and looked back down at her. "You know if you ever want to talk, I'm here..."

Lindsay nodded, "Thanks. Good night James."

"Goodnight Lindsay." James walked off to the car parked out in the street.

Lindsay watched as James walked back to his car. She shut the door and leaned against it. She sighed deeply and then slid down to her knees. She had never expected her life to turn out this way before.


	2. Dark Blue

_November 20, 1934_

_Dear Diary,_

_I don't know what has come over me, but I have started to have feelings for James. I know it is impossible that he would ever love me other than as a friend or that we could ever be together. Mandy was right, I do like him, she will be the only one who knows though, because it would never happen considering I'm with Adam…he just frustrates me sometimes. I know my parents only wanted me to have a wealthy husband that could care for me, but this is ridiculous. He is drunk every night after parties and hardly ever comes home on the same night. I've never had feelings for him nor will I ever. I wish my parents hadn't made me marry him; he doesn't love me at all. And although he may not love me as he says he does, if he ever found out about my feelings he would be furious. I don't even want to imagine what he would do. And I won't ever want him to find out, I guess I'll just have to keep these feelings to myself and just live with the fact that nothing will ever happen between James and I._

_Lindsay_

* * *

November 28, 1934

Adam had left on a hunting trip with some of his friends earlier that week so that left Lindsay home alone for a few weeks. Lindsay was in the kitchen baking when she heard a knock at the front door. She opened the door to find Mandy standing on the porch.

A smile spread across her lips, "Hey Mandy, what are you doing here?" Mandy's grin widened, "Gosh, don't sound so thrilled to see me!"

Lindsay laughed as she shook her head, "Sorry. I didn't expect anyone to come, Adam left this morning for a hunting trip."

"Well isn't that good? No Adam for half a month. I'd say that's a plus."

Lindsay laughed again, "Yeah it definitely is. Why don't you come in?"

Mandy shrugged, "Well if you insist." She stepped inside as Haley shut the door behind her. "What are you up to?"

"Just baking cookies, want to help?" Mandy laughed, "Sure if you want burnt cookies. I've never been good in the kitchen, you know that."

Lindsay laughed once more as she shook her head. "I just need company, do you mind putting them in for me?"

Mandy nodded, "Yeah sure. Well I guess I picked a good time to come then...you seem lonely already." Lindsay looked down at her feet, "Yeah, but to tell you truth I'm kind of relieved to have Adam away."

"I bet, you seemed kind of depressed at the party. Well no not kind of, you were just plain depressed." Mandy said with concern in her voice. Lindsay nodded, "Yeah I was. I just needed time to think, without him yelling at me to fetch him beer or something."

Mandy looked at her questioningly, "Think about what?"

"About stuff..." Lindsay shook her head, then changed the subject. "Anyways how are you and Jacob doing?"

"Just fine. Now stop trying to change the subject," she said as she slapped Lindsay in the arm playfully. "This is about James isn't it?" Mandy said once she got no response.

Lindsay shook her head dismissively, "No...It's just...well. Can we just not talk about this now?"

Mandy rolled her eyes, "Fine, but don't think I'll let you off that easily."

The girls chatted for a while longer until the cookies were done. Then they sat at the table to have some coffee. After sitting in the silence Mandy finally spoke up. "Well let's have at it."

Lindsay looked at her with a confused look. Mandy rolled her eyes, "Don't play dumb with me, come on spill..."

"About what?" Mandy shook her head, "Don't act like you don't know. You know exactly what I am talking about."

Lindsay shrugged, "But I don't even know what to make of it. I haven't really thought it through yet."

"Come on, it's obvious you like him. Simple as that."

Lindsay sighed, "Well, the thing is.. I've been thinking about him a lot lately."

"Well I can see that."

"Really? Is it that obvious?" Lindsay asked.

Mandy hesitated, "Umm...yes! I mean I can see it, he just can't apparently."

Lindsay looked down at her coffee cup, "Well, I can't help it, he's so…amazing..?"

"Uh yeah let's leave it at amazing for now. When did this happen anyways?"

"A while ago…before I married Adam.." Lindsay said as she still stared down at her coffee cup.

Mandy's eyes widened in disbelief, "What?! And you never told me?!"

"I didn't want anyone to know!"

Mandy looked at her in shock, "Not even me? Your BEST friend...?"

"I'm sorry, now you know, but it's not like anything will happen.. I'm married to Adam remember?"

Mandy looked at her with a look of defeat. "Right, forgot about that one."

Lindsay nodded, "It's okay."

Mandy shook her head, "No it's not. You have feelings for him, you should have told him."

Lindsay sighed, "It's not like I could anyways. He's with Amber." Mandy let out a frustrated sigh, "He wasn't before you met Adam!"

"Well, it's too late now." Lindsay said as she shrugged.

Mandy sighed. Lindsay looked at her questioningly, "What is it?"

"Well if you would have told me, you could be with him now."

"Well what's done is done. There isn't anything we can do about it now. Now can we talk about something else?" Lindsay asked pleadingly. Mandy just nodded slowly.

Mandy soon left before it got dark knowing she had to get back home. Lindsay sighed as she was once alone in the house again. She decided to go take a shower to try and calm herself down after the talk she just had with Mandy.

* * *

Lindsay tried not to think about anything, but her thoughts of James always came back to her. She sighed, frustrated since not even the shower was helping her relax. Lindsay continued to take her shower unaware of the fact that someone was at the door. The knocking continued for a few moments, and then the door opened.

James opened the door slowly, "Lindsay?"

James became a little worried considering Lindsay was home alone and she usually locked the doors and windows. James called out her name again, this time a little louder. He got no response, he proceeded to walk up the stairs. As he neared the top of the stairs he could hear the shower running and Lindsay singing? He never knew she had such a beautiful voice, he stood in the door way to the bedroom for a moment listening to her angelic voice. He stood there leaning against the door frame lost in thought, unaware that the shower had stopped running. Lindsay got out of the shower as she wrapped herself in her towel. She opened the door and walked over to the bed where she had laid out her clothes. James still lost in thought didn't realize and he looked up after a few moments. He watched as she unpinned her hair and the tresses cascaded down her back. He shook of the moment and turned to walk away, just then Lindsay took off the towel so she could put on her clothes. James looked away shocked and turned to walk away but bumped into the table that stood in hallway behind him. He panicked as a vase fell off the table, he looked back into the room. Lindsay turned around startled and screamed. She quickly grabbed her robe and wrapped it around herself.

James turned away quickly, but stood his ground. "Oh, Lindsay...I'm so sorry..."

James stumbled as he turned to leave.

Lindsay stood there still in shock, her face began to flush as she felt embarrassed.

James shook his head, "I should go, I'm sorry..."

He turned around to leave but ended up tripping down the stairs, he stopped on the landing. Lindsay rushed over and knelt down next to him.

"Oh my gosh! Are you alright?" Lindsay put her hand behind his head as he sat up a bit resting on his elbows. James rubbed the back of his head.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He said trying to get up.

Lindsay looked at him a bit worried, "Are you sure?"

James nodded slowly, "Yeah, I just bumped my head." He stepped away from her, "I'd better go." James turned to walk down the stairs and leave.

"No, wait..." she said without thinking.

James turned around and looked at her, staring into her eyes. Lindsay looked away nervously for a moment. "Let me at least get you some ice."

"Okay... shouldn't you get dressed first?"

"Right... I'll meet you downstairs." She said, nodding her head.

"Okay." James said as he turned to leave.

Lindsay rushed back into the room, slamming the door behind her. She sighed frustrated at what had just happened. She shook her head at the thought of what James might be thinking at the moment.

_Oh my god! Lindsay you are so stupid! I can't believe this. As if things weren't awkward enough. I don't even want to think about what he might be thinking right now. That was so embarrassing!_

James walked downstairs and sat down on the couch. He put his hand on his head where he had hit it.

_I'm such an idiot! First I trip then I fall down the stairs? I feel so awful. I should have known and just walked back downstairs once I knew she was in the shower. I can't imagine how she must feel right now. That was really odd though, I've never felt that way before. Sure I had feelings for her before, but then she married Adam. But my feelings had never been as strong as they were back upstairs. I wish I would have said something to her before, maybe we could have been together..._

James sat there lost in thought until his thoughts were interrupted by footsteps coming into the room. He looked up to see Lindsay walking into the room, an ice pack in hand.

"Here's the icepack," she said as she handed it to him.

James took it from her, their hands touched for a moment as she handed it to him. "Thanks."

James felt a shock run through him as her skin touched his. He shook it off as he placed the ice on his head. Lindsay smiled nervously, she'd never felt this way before. She too had a shock run through her as their hands touched. She also shook it off as she thought of something to say.

A small smile formed on her lips, "No problem. Um, so. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I was at home getting ready to leave and Mandy came over." Lindsay froze as he mentioned her friend's name.

"Mandy? What did she want?" James shrugged, "She said you needed to talk to me about something."

"Oh. Well.. No I'm fine…really," she said forcing a smile.

"You sure? She said it was important." Lindsay once again saw concern in his eyes as he asked her.

"It's nothing at all. Plus I'm sure you're busy," she said as she shrugged.

James looked up at her somewhat disappointed, "Alright. Well I told you before, if you ever needed to talk I would be there for you."

Lindsay nodded as her smile widened. "Thanks James."

James nodded, "Any time. I should go, I had to go over to the office for something." He stood up to leave.

Lindsay nodded and slowly stood up to walk him out. "James...?"

"Yes?" he asked.

"I'm sorry about...you know. What happened upstairs." Lindsay said somewhat awkwardly.

James shook his head, "Don't be, I should be sorry. I shouldn't have just walked in."

"It's fine. You know..." Lindsay bit her lip unsure if she should go on. "It gets kind of lonely here while Adam is gone. Would you mind, maybe...coming over some time?"

Lindsay winced as she waited for him to respond. "Yeah, that'd be nice," he said shortly after.

A wave of relief swept over her, "Okay. I'll see you later then?"

James smiled down at her, "Yeah. Bye Lindsay," he said as he stepped onto the porch.

Lindsay smiled as she leaned onto the door, "Goodbye."

* * *

The next morning Lindsay had finished cleaning the dishes when she heard a knock at the door. She opened it to find Mandy smiling back at her.

"Mandy Wilson!" she gritted out.

"Hey Lindsay."

"Mandy...do you know what happened yesterday?!" Lindsay said anger rising in her voice.

"I came over yesterday...?" Mandy said with confusion.

"Yes, but what happened after you left?" Lindsay said growing impatient.

"Hmm I don't remember, why?"

Lindsay crossed her arms over her chest. "Why? Well let's see I went into the shower after you left. And then I came out to find James standing in the doorway to the bedroom."

"Soo?" Mandy asked still confused.

"I wasn't dressed yet nor did I have a towel on!" Lindsay said angrily.

Mandy's eyes widened in surprise, "Oh my god! What did he say!?"

"Well sorry before he tripped and fell down the stairs."

"Oh my god! Is he alright?" Mandy asked a bit concerned.

"Yes, just don't worry about me...I mean humiliating myself in front of the only man I love isn't that bad." Lindsay said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't of told him you needed to talk…did you guys even talk?!"

Lindsay nodded, "Yes, we did. For a few minutes after I gave him some ice for his head."

"Wow.. Well what did you talk about?"

"Not much, that he would be there for me whenever I needed to talk and just that he might come over while Adam is away." Lindsay said somewhat dismissively.

Mandy gasped, "Ooh when Adam is away huh? I see."

"What I can't have any company now?" Lindsay asked.

"Oh no, I'm just saying…" Mandy said once again showing her signature smirk. "Well anyways, I have to go. Good luck with James."

"Okay, bye."


	3. Become

_December 18, 1934_

_Dear Diary, _

_I have to confess things have been a little awkward between James and I, but he did agree to dinner tonight. I hate to admit it but I am very thrilled that we are going to spend an evening together. It may be just as friends, but its close enough. I just wish I didn't have these feelings for him; it's so hard to have to walk around knowing nothing will happen between us. But at least we are friends, I need to start being more optimistic about things. Mandy and I discussed it more, but she told me I should confess my feelings to him. That would just make things even more awkward between us though. Tonight will probably be the last time I see him for a while, or at least talk to him since Adam arrives back home tomorrow evening. Adam…I don't even want to get on that subject. I will just try and not worry about it tonight. I'll fuss over him tomorrow._

_Lindsay_

* * *

Lindsay rushed to get the house ready before James came for dinner. She barely heard someone knocking at the door as she was busy cleaning. She quickly ran to the door and found Mandy standing outside on the porch drenched from head to toe from the pouring rain.

Lindsay looked her up and down, taking in her friend's appearance. "What are you doing here?!"

Mandy let out an exasperated sigh, "Hi to you too."

Lindsay gave her a sympathetic smile, "Sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush, come on in."

Mandy smirked, "Well thanks for not letting me freeze. It's crazy out there." Lindsay quickly shut the door behind Mandy, "Help me out; James is coming in half an hour."

"Well for one I hope you aren't wearing that." Mandy continued to look Lindsay up and down eyeing her outfit. "Whatever look you were going for, you missed." Lindsay looked at her in shock. "Oh I'm only kidding Linds, but seriously, are you wearing that?"

Lindsay began to panic a bit, "What?! Why? Is there something wrong? It's the color isn't it!? I knew I should have worn the purple top I…"

Mandy laughed at her friend. Lindsay glared at her, "This isn't funny! James is going to be here really soon. I want everything to be perfect."

Mandy gave her another smirk, "But I thought this didn't matter to you that much?"

Lindsay sighed in defeat, "It does matter to me."

Mandy shook her head, "Well then don't go around telling me that you don't care. Now get your butt upstairs and change."

"So I should go change into the purple or pink top?!"

"Ummm how about I go help you pick something out." Mandy said as she ushered her friend upstairs.

Mandy rushed Lindsay upstairs following close behind her. She picked out a few outfits for Lindsay once they had reached her bedroom. Lindsay finally agreed after being very picky about what Mandy had chosen. She went to get dressed in the bathroom and just as she came out they heard someone at the door. Lindsay began to panic as she rushed downstairs. Mandy rushed after Lindsay as they both ran down the stairs.

Mandy called after Lindsay, "Lindsay. Lindsay... Lindsay!"

Lindsay turned around to face Mandy, there was a panicked look on her face. "Oh my god! I think that's him, what do I do!!?"

Mandy grabbed her by the shoulders, making Lindsay face her. "Calm down! It will all be fine. I'll go out the back while you answer the door. He won't even know I was here. Just enjoy yourself and have fun okay?"

Lindsay nodded, "Okay, thanks for everything Mandy."

Mandy shook her head, "It's nothing..." Mandy watched Lindsay for a second. "Lindsay...?" Mandy arched her eyebrow in question. "You aren't breathing are you?" Lindsay shook her head as she began to wring her fingers. "Breathe..." Lindsay let out a long needed breath. "Okay, thank you. You better hurry, he might think you stood him up. I'm gonna go...and Lindsay."

"Yeah?" she called after Mandy.

"Do a favor for me and breathe when he's here okay? Remember, in and out, in and out. Oh and don't do anything I wouldn't do…"

Lindsay nodded her head and then walked over to the door to open it. Lindsay opened the door and found James standing in the rain and about to walk away.

Lindsay smiled, "Hey."

James turned around, a smile spread across his face. "Hey Linds."

Lindsay looked down at her feet, "Sorry about that."

"It's okay." James said as he made his way back over to the door.

"Okay...soo are you...umm how are...do you...umm." Lindsay let out a nervous laugh.

James smiled as she tried to find the right thing to say, "Um, can I come in?"

"Oh, right. Sorry." Lindsay said as she blushed a bit.

Lindsay stepped aside as James walked in then turned to shut the door.

James stood in the entryway as Lindsay walked over to him, "So where is Adam these days?"

"He went on a trip with Jacob and hasn't come home yet. He was supposed to be home yesterday evening."

"Oh well, I'll keep you company." James said as he smiled down at her.

Lindsay let out another nervous laugh, "Well I started making dinner, and I need to check on it." James nodded.

Lindsay quickly walked into the kitchen and quietly shut the door behind her, she let out a frustrated sigh.

_Ah I'm so stupid! I'm just making a complete fool of myself. I hope he doesn't think I'm weird or something. (Paces) What am I going to do? What am I going to say? Ugh I'm so not ready for this! This is too awkward, especially since I have feelings for him. I just hope nothing else goes wrong tonight._

James stood out in the living room as he waited for Lindsay to come back.

_Who would have thought, Lindsay inviting me for dinner... I'd think with Adam she wouldn't even want to talk to me. I still regret that, I had my chance and I didn't take it. I always loved her smile, and her laugh. Never knew how cute she was when she was nervous though. And I've never seen her so beautiful as she is tonight._

Lindsay finished cooking dinner then walked out to find James sitting down on the couch.

Lindsay walked over to the couch, "Sorry about that."

James shook his head as he looked up at her, "It's alright."

"So are you ready to eat?"

James nodded, "Yeah, I'm starving. What do we have for dinner tonight?"

Lindsay bit her lip, "Um I made chicken casserole, hope you don't mind."

James shook his head once more, "No, I don't mind, sounds great."

Lindsay smiled as James pulled the chair out for her. He then sat down across from her.

James cleared his throat, Uh, you look great tonight Lindsay."

Lindsay blushed slight, "Thanks."

James racked his brain for something else to say, "So, how are you with Adam?"

"Um, fine I guess..." Lindsay said as she looked down at her hands.

There was an awkward silence as the two of them sat there. "Um, this casserole is good." James said.

Lindsay nodded, "Thanks... so how are you and Amber?"

"Actually…Amber and I, aren't doing so well these days."

"Why, what's wrong?" Lindsay said, a bit concerned.

" It's complicated…But we haven't spoken the last few days."

"Oh, do you want to talk about it?" Lindsay said, trying not to push it too much if he didn't want to.

"Well.. the thing is..." James started to say.

James looked away uncomfortably and looked down at his lap. Lindsay gave him a questioning look.

"James what is it?"

"Lindsay, I can't keep this thing bottled up.. But with you and Adam…and when I saw you at the party the other night. I just couldn't keep it in anymore."

Lindsay looked at him, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Linds, I've known you since we were little kids, and I've loved you since then…Lindsay, I love you. I always have…" James said, barely getting the words out.

Lindsay stared at James blankly trying to process the information. A look of confusion and shock washing over her face as James looked at her worriedly.

"B-but, what about Amber?" Lindsay said, raising an eyebrow.

"You were with Adam…and I just couldn't take seeing you two together, so I met Amber, thinking if I was with her, the feelings I have for you, would go away…"

Lindsay stared into his eyes for a moment and knew every word was true. She looked away uncomfortably as tears sprang to her eyes.

"I wish I would have told you how I felt before…But I just couldn't. And seeing you happy with Adam made it even harder."

Lindsay looked down, she could feel her cheeks getting hotter as the tears built up inside. James reached over the table and placed his hand on hers. Lindsay pulled her hand away quickly and stood up from her seat and walked out into the living room. James got up and followed her out there. Lindsay turned to face him as a tear fell down her cheek.

James looked down at her with concern, "Linds, What's wrong?"

Lindsay let out a choked sob, "I'm sorry James, but this is just too hard. The thing is, I've been keeping some things inside too. I've had feelings for you too, I just didn't think you felt that way for me."

James looked at her in shock, "Lindsay, I had no idea...if I would have known. I would have told you, but I was afraid too." James turned away, taking it all in. He let out a frustrated sigh. "Damn it!" he yelled.

Lindsay stared down at the floor for a few moments. She bit her lip as she tried to keep all the tears in. She finally looked up at James and opened her mouth to say something.

"I just don't even know what to say James. It's hard enough that I've been keeping in these feelings...and with Adam. I really wish you would have said something because at least I wouldn't be in this mess with Adam. Every day I hate the fact that I had to marry him, and the fact that I have feelings for you still hurts. I just can't deal with this anymore."

James opened his mouth to say something but was stopped short once Lindsay turned and rushed out of the room. He rushed after her as she flung the front door open and ran outside. James followed quickly behind her. James called after her as he chased her out the door.

Lindsay ran across the street as the rain poured down harder. She quickly ran to the only place she knew that helped her clear her mind. Lindsay ran across the field to the small park across the street that had a swing set in the middle of it. She ran over and clung to the pole as she sank to the muddy ground sobbing. James stopped as he reached the grass area. He stood there saddened as he watched Lindsay break down. James stood there for a moment then rushed over to where Lindsay was. He bent down beside her and was going to take her in his arms until she protested.

Lindsay began to sob as the tears fell. She shook her head as she looked away from him. "Don't...just go James."

"Lindsay, I'm sorry! But I've known you my whole life and you are the only one I have ever truly loved with all my heart."

Lindsay still clung to the pole as more tears began to fall. "I know that, that's not what hurts. Its the fact that we could have had something and now we can't."

"I know, and that's my fault, I should of said something but now…"

Lindsay finally looked up at him for the first time, "Now?! James, we can't have anything now. I'm married to Adam and you are dating Amber. We may have feelings for one another, but we can't just forget about them. And there's no way we can take it back."

"So you want to just forget this ever happened? Just go back to pretending like there is nothing between us? Lindsay, I've been feeling like this for a long time and the feeling will never go away..." James protested.

"I've been feeling this way for awhile too, but there is nothing we can do about it, James. We have people that love us and it will hurt them if they find out. And I may not love Adam, but I don't want to find out what will happen if he finds out..."

"I love you Linds, and hiding our feelings isn't going to work. Those feelings won't ever go away and the fact that we love each other should be enough. I don't care about anything else, I just want to be with you..."

Lindsay looked up into James' eyes. A small smile crept on her face as James held her face in his hands. He pulled her close to him as she leaned in. James leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. They broke apart and stared into each others' eyes once again then leaned in and kissed again, this time more passionately. James lifted Lindsay up off the ground as they continued kissing. Lindsay let out a giggle as he picked her up. James smiled up at her as she leaned down and kissed him again.

* * *

(Inside Lindsay's house) 

Lindsay held on tight as James flung the front door open. They made their way up the stairs, up to her room. James dropped Lindsay onto the bed and started kissing her, while she pulled off his wet shirt. He unzipped Lindsay's wet dress while she unbuttoned his pants; they continued kissing until they were fully undressed.

* * *

(The next morning) 

Lindsay opened her eyes slowly; she blinked as the sun shone in through the window on her face. She turned over on her side to face the other way and laid her head on James' chest. He opened his eyes a bit and put his arm around her. A smile spread across her lips as the two of them laid their next to one another. They laid there for a moment until they heard something downstairs. The knocking became louder, both their eyes shot open. Lindsay panicked as she got up and grabbed a robe.

"James get up and get dress!" Lindsay said as she ran over to the closet.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Getting dress! Someone's downstairs."

James nodded, "I can see that." He sat up and then froze at the thought of who it could be. "What if it's Adam?"

Lindsay's eyes widened, "Oh my god! James get dressed hurry."

"Fine. Think you can buy me some time though?" he said as he picked up his clothes.

"I can try, but it could be him, and if it is…" Lindsay trailed off.

James stood up and walked over to her, "Don't worry about it too much. He won't find out."

Lindsay nodded, "Okay, well I'll see who's downstairs while you're getting dressed." James nodded before he quickly kissed her just before she walked out the door.

Lindsay rushed down the stairs as fast as she could. She opened the door to find Amber standing on the doorstep. As she looked at her she could tell her eyes were red from crying and she looked like she hadn't slept in days.

Lindsay tried to hide her panicked expression, "Oh, Amber... Hi."

Amber looked up at her, "Hi."

Lindsay folded her arms over her chest as she leaned against the door frame. "Is everything alright?"

Amber gave her a pained smile, "I've had better days. I was just taking a walk and I saw James' car outside. Is he here?"

"Uh, No…haven't seen him since the party.. I don't know why his car's outside…" Lindsay said quickly.

Amber nodded, "Oh, thanks anyways Lindsay. I guess I'll see you around." Amber said with disappointment.

"Uh, wait Amber... are you sure everything's alright? You seem like you've been crying."

Amber forced a smile as she nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Lindsay watched Amber walk away back to the street. She shut the door and leaned against it letting out a frustrated sigh. Lindsay headed back upstairs to find James barely even dressed.

"It was Amber…" she said quietly.

"Oh," he said as he looked down at the floor.

"James, she looked really hurt. Are you sure you still want to do this?" Lindsay asked with fear in her voice.

"Of course I do, you're the only one I love. Being with you is the only thing I want." He said as he smiled up at her.

James took her by the hand and pulled her over to him. He put his arm around her waist as he pulled her onto his lap. He put his hand behind her head as he pulled her to him and kissed her.


	4. Hand Me Down

_December 31, 1934_

_Dear Diary,_

_I don't even know how to deal with this anymore, I never leave the house very often and now that James and I admitted to having feelings for one another, I've been over at his house as often as I can be. It's a little odd considering just two weeks ago he was with Amber, but after that night he didn't want to hurt her anymore so he broke up with her. It hurt her, a lot, and I hated to see her like that, but there wasn't anything I could do. The hardest part in this is Adam, he's been home more often and I'm sure he has been suspicious. I love James, but I'm afraid Adam might find out. And I'm terrified to know what he'd do if he found out. I really hope everything goes well tonight._

_Lindsay_

* * *

December 31, 1934

Lindsay walked down the stairs to the party she and Adam were throwing for New Year's Eve. She scanned the room as she walked back into the conservatory and found Mandy talking to Amber on the other side of the room. She made her way over there, her stomach in knots at seeing Amber. Lindsay was just about to reach them when James walked up beside her.

James ushered her to the other side of the room, "Can I talk to you? It's important."

Lindsay gave him a worried look, "Yeah sure." The two of them made their way over to the stairs, unaware of those watching them.

* * *

A glare formed in Amber's eyes as she watched the couple walk out of the room. Mandy turned to see what she was looking at.

"I can't believe him." She said with hatred in her voice.

Mandy bit her lip, "I'm sorry Hun, I know this is hard for you. I'm sure he..."

"He what? Had good reason for breaking up with me?" She began to think about that night, when he'd broken up with her.

_

* * *

_

Amber walked to her front door after hearing someone knocking. As she opened the door she found James on her front porch. 

"_Hey." She said quietly, sadness apparent in her voice._

"_Hi. Um, can we talk?" James said._

_Amber nodded as she let him inside. The two of them walked into her living room. Amber sat down on the couch as James found a chair next to it. "Listen James, I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean any of it, I missed you so much though, and I-"_

_James continued to look down at his lap until he cut her off. He let out a sigh before he looked up at her. "Amber, I don't think this is going to work anymore."_

_Amber stared at him in shock, "What?"_

"_I think we should break up, Amber." James said flatly._

_Amber felt the tears spring to her eyes, "But James- I know we've been fighting, but we can work it out."_

_James shook his head, "Amber, my feelings for you have changed."_

_Amber sat there in shock as she felt her heart break at the sound of those words. She looked at James determinedly, "I don't believe you," she said, shaking her head. She stood up and walked over to him. "Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me."_

_James looked down at her blankly, "I don't love you."_

_Amber backed away from him, her heart tearing at those words. She sat back down as tears sprang to her eyes._

"_I'm sorry Amber, I-" he began to say._

"_Go. Just go, James." She said, with hatred in her voice._

_James turned and walked out of the house. Amber let out a sob as she heard the door slam shut. Tears began to stream down her face as she sat there in the silence._

_As he got into his car he let out an exasperated sigh. He hadn't wanted it to be so hard, he felt awful about after seeing how hurt Amber was. But every word he had said was the truth. He took one last look at the house then drove off._

* * *

"It just doesn't make any sense to me," she said with a bit of sadness in her voice.

Mandy just nodded as she looked up over at the stairs that Lindsay and James had just walked upon.

* * *

Lindsay walked into the room with James close behind. He closed the door, locking it behind them. 

"What was it-" Lindsay began to say before James' lips came crashing into hers.

James pulled her closer and Lindsay melted into his arms. After a few moments she pushed him away. "James we can't do this here, not with everyone downstairs."

"I know, but excuse me for not being able to resist considering I haven't seen you in almost a week."

Lindsay sighed, "I don't know how we're going to do this James. But we can't here, not with Adam. He'd be furious if he found out."

"But he won't find out, Lindsay. And if he did, I wouldn't let him harm you whatsoever." James said sincerely as he pulled her closer again.

Lindsay laid her head on his shoulder as the two of them stood there, enjoying the moment. She let out a sigh before she pulled away. "We better go back downstairs. We don't need anyone getting suspicious."

James nodded and followed Lindsay to the door.

* * *

Jacob stood in the family room, watching as Lindsay and James made their way upstairs. He eyed the couple suspiciously until they were out of sight. Jake made his way to the bar where he set his drink down then made his way upstairs. Making his way down the hall he stopped in front of a closed door. Just then Lindsay opened it, a shocked expression appeared on her face, but quickly faded. 

"Hi Jacob," she said warmly, with a smile.

"Hi Lindsay," he said eyeing them once more.

"Are you having a nice time?" Lindsay asked quickly.

"Yes, yes of course. I was just looking for a bathroom." Jake replied.

"Um it's right down the hall." Lindsay said as she pointed to the bathroom door.

Jacob nodded, "Oh right, yeah I think I've had one too many tonight." He said with laughter in his voice.

Lindsay laughed a bit before she excused herself. James nodded at Jake before he followed her down the stairs.

* * *

Mandy and Amber looked up as the couple walked back downstairs. 

"I'll be right back, okay?" Mandy said quickly before she excused herself. She made her way over to Lindsay in the other room.

A small smile appeared on Lindsay's lips as Mandy walked over to her, but quickly faded as Mandy pulled her by the arm. Mandy dragged her into the kitchen where she shut the door behind them.

"What the hell are you doing, Lindsay?!" Mandy said in almost a whisper so no one would hear them.

"What are you talking about?" Lindsay asked.

"What am I talking about?! I'm talking about you and James sneaking off upstairs. What were you thinking? You know what would happen if Adam found out and-"

"I know it wasn't what it looked like. Well it was, but I had no idea. I have no intention of doing something like that in this house ever again." Lindsay said quickly, cutting Mandy off.

"You know I want you to be happy Linds, but not at the expense of you angering Adam. We both know that won't end well." Mandy said as she placed her hands on Lindsay's shoulders.

"Don't you think I know that?! I didn't want things to happen like this, but I can't do anything about it." Lindsay said as she sighed. "You know, Jacob was outside the room when we walked out."

"What?!" Mandy almost screamed.

"Shush! I know, I don't think he heard anything, but he seemed suspicious. I don't know what to do, Mandy. Could you at least try and convince him his suspicions are wrong?"

"You want me to lie to my husband?" Mandy said with a small laugh.

"I know, I know, but please, you said so yourself. If Adam found out it wouldn't end well."

Mandy's brow furrowed as a frown appeared on her face. "Fine, but only because I don't want anything to happen to you. Just be sure to lay low okay?"

"Thank you, I'm so sorry to bring you into all this. I just don't know what to do anymore."

Mandy pulled her into a hug. "We'll figure something out, alright?"

Lindsay nodded before the two of them walked out of the kitchen.

* * *

Mandy walked over to where Adam and Jacob were talking. She walked up beside Jacob as he wrapped his arm around her. Mandy kissed him before she turned her attention to Adam. 

"Hi Adam," she said with a smile.

"Hey Mandy, how've you been?" he asked in a somewhat bored tone.

"Just fine. What about you?" She gritted out.

"Same," Adam said dismissively. "I'm going to go find Lindsay," he said before he walked off.

"You having fun, babe?" Jacob asked before he kissed Mandy on the cheek.

Mandy smiled, "Of course. What about you? Anything _interesting_ happen that I should know about?"

"Actually, James and Lindsay are acting rather odd. They've been sneaking around tonight, I'm afraid they are-"

"Are what? Having an affair?" Mandy laughed. "Do you really think Lindsay would do that? That's not like her at all."

Jacob gave her a questioning look.

"What?" Mandy asked, a bit of worry in her voice.

"Nothing," Jacob said as he shook his head. "You know what, you're right. Lindsay wouldn't do that."

Mandy smirked, "Of course I'm right."

Jacob laughed and shook his head, "I'm going to go get another drink. See you later?"

"Of course," Mandy said as a grin spread across her lips. Jacob leaned over and gave her a quick kiss before he walked off to the bar.

Mandy let out a sigh of relief before she walked off into another room.

* * *

Adam found Lindsay in the kitchen where she was preparing another plate full of appetizers. Her back was turned to him so he walked up behind her, snaking his arms around her. She jumped a bit as he started kissing her neck. 

"What are you doing?" she asked as she pulled away.

"Kissing my wife, what does it look like?"

"You haven't shown any sign of affection in ages, Adam." Lindsay said as she picked up the plate and started to walk off.

Adam turned her around so she was facing him. "What the hell is your problem lately!?" Adam asked, anger rising in his voice.

"What are you talking about? If anyone is acting different, it's you."

Lindsay could see a glint of anger in his eyes as she said this. "What the hell do you want from me Lindsay? I give you everything you ask for, anything you want, anything to make you happy and this is how you repay me?" Adam practically screamed, his voice growing louder every second.

"Keep your voice down, Adam." Lindsay said sternly, trying to calm him down.

"I'll do whatever the hell I want!" Adam screamed at her as he shoved her into the wall, the plate crashing to the floor. Lindsay looked up at him as he pinned her to the wall, a look of fear in her eye. "Don't you ever talk to me like that again, you worthless !" Adam screamed at her. He let go of her and left in a huff.

Tears sprang to Lindsay's eyes as she sank down to the floor. A choked sob escaped her lips as she pulled her knees closer to her. She rested her head on her knees as the tears fell.

James watched as Adam walked out of the kitchen, the door slamming behind him. He made his way into the kitchen where he found Lindsay on the floor crying. Sitting down beside her he pulled her close to him as she buried her face into his shirt. He kissed the top of her head as she let out another sob. Once she'd calmed down a bit James stood up, holding his hand out to her. Lindsay placed her hand into his as he helped her up.

"Come on." James said, pulling her towards the door.

The two of them walked out through the back door. Cool air washing over their faces as they walked out into the garden. Lindsay shivered a bit as James pulled her close, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He led her over to a bench that was under a shaded willow tree. The two of them sat there, Lindsay resting her head on his shoulder as she sighed.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

Lindsay just nodded. James kissed her on the forehead as the two of them sat there in the silence.

Lindsay finally spoke up, "James?" she asked in almost a whisper.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I'm scared." Lindsay said quietly.

"Why?" James asked worriedly.

"Because of Adam, I don't want to spend one more night in that house. I'm afraid something awful will happen, especially if Adam already knows."

"Everything will be okay, Linds." He said comfortingly.

"How do you know that? You heard what happened in the kitchen, what if things get worse?" Lindsay said, fear apparent in her voice.

"I just know, like I said before; I wouldn't let anything happen to you." He said before he kissed her softly on the lips.

Lindsay gave him a pained smile as she nodded. The two of them sat there for a while, before Lindsay finally spoke up.

"We should probably go back in."

James just nodded. Lindsay got up and started to walk off. "Lindsay wait, before we go in, I just want to say something."

Lindsay looked up at him as he walked over to her. "Okay."

"What I said, about not letting anything happen to you, I meant it. Every word, I don't want you to worry about it anymore okay?"

Lindsay gave him a small smile, "Okay." She said simply.

James leaned down a pressed a kiss to her lips before the two of them walked back over to the house.

* * *

Mandy found Amber over by the bar, gulping down a drink. 

"What are you doing?" Mandy asked her.

"What does it look like?" Amber slurred.

"Maybe you shouldn't drink anymore, Hun." Mandy said as she ushered Amber away from the bar.

Amber followed reluctantly until she suddenly stopped. She looked over at the kitchen where she had seen James walk out of. Soon enough Lindsay walked out as well, carrying a tray over to the dining table. Amber glared as she watched Lindsay, she yanked her arm from Mandy's grasp as she walked over to the room she had seen Lindsay in.

Lindsay looked up as Amber walked up to her, Mandy chasing after her. A look of worry washed over her face, "Amber is everything okay?" she asked with concern.

Just then Amber slapped Lindsay across the face, "You're the reason he left me, Lindsay!" Amber screamed.

Lindsay looked at Amber in shock, "What are you talking about, Amber?"

"Don't play dumb Lindsay, you know **exactly** what I'm talking about!" Amber swung for Lindsay again before she was pulled off into another room. "Don't touch me!" she screamed. She shoved the person who had dragged her off, away from her. She looked up to see James standing before her.

"What the hell are you doing, Amber?" James asked. She just glared up at him. "If you think Lindsay's the reason I left you, you're wrong. She had nothing to do with it, I told you my feelings for you had changed."

"So then every time you told me that you loved me, it was just a lie?!" she said with hatred in her voice.

James looked down at his feet. "That's what I thought." Amber said. "Stay the hell away from me James Scott." Amber said before she walked off.

James turned around to see Lindsay looking over at him, a look of sadness in her eye. He just frowned at her before he turned to leave.

* * *

Lindsay walked up the stairs to her bedroom where she slammed the door shut. She quickly locked it behind her before she walked over to the bed. Lindsay ran her fingers through her hair as she started to tear up again. She lie down, resting her head on a pillow as the tears started to fall. Lindsay buried her face into the pillow as she started to sob. She heard a knock at her door, sitting up quickly she wiped away her tears. 

"Who is it?" she called out.

"It's me, can I come in?"

Lindsay stood up and walked over to the door. She took in a deep breath before she unlocked the door and opened it just a tad. As she looked out she saw Mandy standing outside the door, a look of worry on her face. Lindsay opened the door all the way and Mandy walked in. Shutting the door, Mandy followed Lindsay over to the bed. Mandy pulled Lindsay into her arms as the tears fell down her cheeks once more. The two of them sat there as Mandy stroked Lindsay's back.


	5. The Secret's In The Telling

(Lindsay's bedroom)

Lindsay took a deep breath as she sat up and wiped away her tears. Mandy gave her a sympathetic look, a small smile appearing on her lips. "Are you okay?"

Lindsay sighed and forced a pained smile, "Yeah thanks."

Mandy pulled her into another hug, "I wish you didn't have to go through all this, Hun."

Lindsay sniffled and nodded, "Me too." She stood up and fixed her dress, "We should probably go back down."

Mandy stood up and nodded as Lindsay opened the door. The two of them walked out of the room and over to the stairs. As they reached the top Mandy stopped Lindsay quicklly, "Wait, Lindsay there's something I have to say first."

Lindsay turned around to face Mandy, "What is it?"

"I just want to say that no matter what happens you know I'm there for you, right?"

Lindsay nodded as she bit her lip.

"Okay. And I know it must be hard, but I just want you to be happy. And I promise everything will turn out alright in the end." Mandy said as she took Lindsay's hands into hers.

"I just hope you're right." Lindsay sighed, "James said the same thing tonight."

"And he's right. You two will be together soon, I know it." Mandy said with a smile.

Lindsay smiled, "Thanks." She pulled Mandy into another hug before they headed downstairs.

When the two of them walked downstairs they realized most of the guests were gone. Just then Jacob came over to them. He kissed Mandy on the lips before he wrapped an arm around her. "Where have you been, I've been looking all over for you?"

"I was upstairs with Lindsay, sorry."

"It's fine are you ready to go?" he asked her.

Mandy looked over at Lindsay who just gave her a pained smile. Lindsay nodded as she started to walk off. "Yeah, just give me one second." She walked up to Lindsay and stopped her. "I'm sorry, Hun. I don't want to leave you here, but-"

Lindsay cut her off. "It's okay, go home and spend time with your husband. God know's I ruined that for you two tonight." Lindsay said as she looked down at her feet.

"No Lindsay, you didn't." Mandy said as she placed her hand on Lindsay's arm.

Lindsay just shook her head, "I'll be fine." She said as she looked back up at Mandy, "Really.."

Mandy frowned, "I'm afraid to leave you here, especially after what happened." Mandy pulled Lindsay into a hug.

"Thanks, but I'll be alright."

"You know you're always welcome at my house if things get bad."

Lindsay pulled away and nodded. "Bye."

Mandy gave her a small smile before she walked off.

Lindsay walked back into the kitchen where she found Adam looking through cabinet after cabinet. "What are you looking for?"

* * *

Adam turned around, "My beer that's usually in the liquor cabinet. Where is it Lindsay?" he slurred.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I never touched it. And by the looks of it, you don't need any more tonight." Lindsay said as she walked over to the island to clean off dishes.

Adam walked over to her and grabbed her arm tightly in his grip. "What the hell is going on with you, Lindsay?"

"Let go Adam! You're hurting me!" She screamed as she tried to pull away.

Adam tightened his grip, "Answer the goddamn question Lindsay!"

"Nothing! Nothing's going on, Adam. Now let go!" She said as she struggled to break free from his grip.

"Then what the hell was that tonight with Amber?"

"It was nothing, she was angry and drunk. I just happened to be the only one to try and blame for what happened to her."

"Really? Because I'm starting to think she's right, considering I saw you and James outside before it happened."

Lindsay's eyes widened in shock, "We were just talking, that's all."

"Didn't look like it to me, are you have an affair with him?!" Adam yelled angrily.

Lindsay looked away from him, she stepped back as he let go of her.

"You are, aren't you?!" Adam said.

Lindsay shook her head, "No!"

A look of rage crossed his face as he stepped closer to her. "Bull !" he screamed before he backhanded her.

Lindsay ran into the counter behind her as she stumbled backwards. She brought her hand to her face as she looked over at Adam in shock. Lindsay turned to run before the tears started to fall.

Just then Adam grabbed her and shoved her into the wall, pinning her to it. "How could you do that to me Lindsay?! I gave you everything and this is how you repay me?" he yelled.

"He loves me, unlike you!" Lindsay yelled. She winced as he pulled his arm back to hit her again.

Just then James rushed in, grabbing Adam's arm before he hit her again. He pulled Adam away from her before he punched him causing Adam to stumbled backwards.

Lindsay stood there as the two of them lunged at one another. Adam shoved James into a glass cabinet, James pushed him off before he punched him again. Adam stepped back as he wiped his mouth once he felt blood trickling down his chin. He lunged at James again before James stepped out of the way. He grabbed Adam's shoulder before he punched him once more, this time knocking him out.

Lindsay stood against the wall still, her eyes teared up as James turned to her. He walked over to her pulling her into his arms. James cupped her cheek in his hand as she looked up at him, tears falling down her cheeks. He wiped away some of her tears before he kissed her on the forehead. "Come on." he said as he lead her out the back door.

* * *

The two of them walked into James' house, James made his way over to the couch as Lindsay shut the door. She walked over to him, she frowned as she looked down at him. "Oh no, you're bleeding," she said as she put her hand on his cheek.

James placed his hand over her's before he kissed her hand. "I'll be fine," he said.

Lindsay looked down at him with saddened eyes. "I'm so sorry." She said as tears began to fill her eyes.

"Don't be," James said as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. "I did it for you."

A small smile appeared on her face as she looked down at him. She kissed him lightly on the forehead. "Thank you," she said quietly. She pulled away from him, "Let me clean that up for you." James nodded as he followed her upstairs.

* * *

James winced as Lindsay continued to clean his cuts. "Sorry," she said as she finished cleaning it up. Lindsay placed a bandage over it, "Done." 

"Thanks." James said as she went to put the supplies away. James stood up and walked over to her as she walked out of the bathroom. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Lindsay sighed, "Yes, I'm fine. For the third time, my back just aches a little."

James frowned down at her, "Let me see."

Lindsay turned around as she unpinned her dress. She let it fall down her shoulders. When she pulled her hair away, she revealed a large bruise on her back. She bit her lip as she felt James' fingertips brush against her back. "How bad is it?"

"Not that bad, its just bruised a bit." James replied. He sighed as he wrapped his arms around her.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I'm sorry." he said quietly.

"For what?" Lindsay asked, a bit confused.

"For not keeping my promise," James said with sadness in his voice. He let go of her and walked to the bed.

Lindsay turned around after she pinned her dress. She made her way over to him. "You did though." She gently placed her hand on his cheek, turning his head so he was looking up at her. "There's nothing more you could have done, James. God know's things would have been worse if you hadn't come when you did."

James shook his head, still frowning. "He still hurt you."

Lindsay took his hand into hers and held it close to her chest. "You still kept your promise though." She squeezed his hand gently, "And I **love** you for that." Lindsay let go of his hand and placed her hands on either side of his head. She pulled him to her as she kissed him gently on the lips.

_The signal_  
_Is subtle_  
_We pass just close enough to touch_  
_No questions_  
_No answers_  
_We know by now to say enough_  
_With only simple words_  
_With only subtle turns_  
_The things we feel alone for one another_

Lindsay pulled away slightly, she let go of him as she reached to unpin her dress. The straps sliding down her shoulders slowly, James placed his hand on the small of her back. Lindsay let her dress fall to the floor as James pulled her close to him. She climbed onto his lap, placing her hands behind his head as his lips came crashing into hers.

_There is a secret that we keep_  
_I won't sleep if you won't sleep_  
_Because tonight maybe the last chance we'll be given_

James and Lindsay moved to the top of the bed, not pulling apart once. Lindsay reached to unbutton his pants before he slid them off.

_We are compelled to do_  
_What we must do_  
_We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden _

_So I won't sleep if you won't sleep_  
_Tonight_

Their kiss deepened as they lie there holding one another close.

_Our act of_  
_Defiance_  
_We keep this secret in our blood_  
_No paper_  
_Or letters_  
_We pass just close enough to touch_  
_We love in secret names_  
_We hide within our veins_  
_The things that keep us bound to one another_

Lindsay let out a gasp for air as James pulled away and began kissing her neck.

_Until the last resilient hope_  
_Has frozen deep inside my bones_  
_And this broken fate has claimed me_  
_And my memories for its own_

The two of them continued to kiss as their bodies laid tangled under the cold sheets.

_Your name is pounding through my veins_  
_Can't you hear how it is sung_  
_And I can taste you in my mouth_  
_Before the words escape my lungs_  
_And I whisper only once_

* * *

Adam sat down in one of the chairs in the living room. He sighed as he thought of what had happened.

_Cause you will be somebody's girl_  
_And you will keep each other warm_  
_But tonight I am feeling cold._

He looked up as someone walked in. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

**

* * *

**

**Song: **The Secret's In The Telling by Dashboard Confessional

**Credit to:** AZLyrics


	6. She Will Be Loved

(James' bedroom)

Lindsay awoke to the sound of a door shutting. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around the room. After a minute or two she heard someone in the bathroom, rubbing her eyes she sat up in bed. She then got up with the sheets wrapped around her. Walking into the bathroom she found James looking for something. He turned around when he heard her walk up to the bathroom door. "I didn't wake you did I?" he asked.

Lindsay shook her head, "No." A small smile appeared on her face as she leaned against the door frame. James walked over to her, placing a kiss on her forehead. She sighed as she laid her head upon his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her.

"What is it?"

"I have to go back.." she said almost in a whisper.

"Lindsay, you don't have to-" he started to say.

"Yes I do. I can't keep running from this James." Lindsay said as she looked back up at him.

"I don't want you to go back there Lindsay, it's too dangerous. You never know what Adam will do."

Lindsay just shook her head, "I have to." She pulled away from him and walked over to the bed to pick up her clothes.

* * *

James drove up in front of Adam and Lindsay's house. Lindsay looked up at the house, a look of fear appearing in her eye. James took her hand into his and squeezed it gently. She looked over at him and gave him a small smile. Leaning over she kissed him lightly on the lips. "I'll still be here if something happens. Just come out to the car and we can leave." James said before she nodded and turned to leave. 

Opening the car door she got out of the car slowly. She sighed before closing the door and made her way up the walkway. Once she reached the door Lindsay hesitated as she reached for the door knob. Slowly she opened the door and walked inside, trying not to make a sound. Lindsay made her way up the stairs until she came to hers' and Adam's room. She took a deep breath before she opened the door. A feeling of disbelief washed over her as she looked into the room.

_

* * *

Amber lay under the cold sheets staring up at the ceiling; millions of thoughts running through her mind at once. Her hand began to ball up into a fist as thoughts of Lindsay and James flooded her head. All she could think about was when she saw the two of them leaving the house together and how much agony and hatred she felt seeing the two of them together. And in that moment she knew all she wanted was revenge, some way she could make Lindsay feel the same way she did. Without even thinking she walked off across the street._

* * *

Adam opened his eyes and the sound of the bedroom door creaking open. Looking over he saw Lindsay staring over at him, a look of betrayal and anguish written on her face. He sat up in bed quickly causing Amber to stir. She looked up and saw Lindsay standing over by the door she sat there gaping as she looked over at Adam. Adam looked over at her unsure of what to do, he turned his attention to Lindsay as she turned to leave. He quickly got up and put on some pants before he ran out of the room after. He caught her by the arm before she started down the stairs. Lindsay whipped around to face him, a look of hatred in her eye. Adam pulled her down the hall into another bedroom where he shut the door. "Let go of me!" Lindsay screamed at him.

He let go of her arm as she yanked it from his grip. "Lindsay, I-"

Lindsay glared up at him, "Why don't you save it for someone who cares," she spat at him. She walked past him over to the door and started to open it before he reached over and slammed the door. He put all his weight into it so she wouldn't open the door to leave. Lindsay turned to look up at him, "What in God's name were you thinking last night Adam?"

"What was I thinking? I was thinking my wife felt like it was alright for her to do what she pleased so why shouldn't I?!"

"Well sorry if I didn't think you'd care considering you're probably out doing the same with some other girl every night!" Lindsay said as a glare appeared on her face once more.

"You thought that's what I was doing?" he asked. Lindsay just nodded. "I was just," he paused for a moment, "Out doing some work."

"You were out working that late at night?" Lindsay asked, now that she thought about it she had no idea where he worked or what he did. "What do you do anyways Adam?"

* * *

Amber got up once she heard the door down the hall shut. She collected her clothes and quickly got dressed. Grabbing the rest of her things she walked out the door and started down the stairs. She froze in her tracks as she came face to face with James. He looked her up and down taking in her appearance. "What the hell are you doing here?" he asked her. 

"Why would you care?" she said as she tried to walk past him.

He stepped in front of her, "So you and Adam, huh?"

"Yeah, so?" A smirk appeared on her face, "He loves me unlike you," she said with laughter in her voice.

"Why are you such a bitch Amber? She didn't do anything to you."

"Actually, this wasn't the first time." She said plainly, a hint of satisfaction in her voice. James looked at her in disbelief not saying a word. "Doesn't feel so great now does it?" Amber said.

Just then Lindsay came rushing down the hall, Adam following close behind. She paused as she saw James and Amber on the stairs. Making her way down she stepped in front of Amber and glared down at her before she slapped her across the face. Amber looked at her in shock as she put her hand on her face. Lindsay walked past the couple and out the door. James made his way out the door as well, chasing after her down the walkway. He grabbed her by the hand to stop her. Lindsay whipped around, tears streaming down her face. "Lindsay-" he started to say.

"Just don't James, just go." Lindsay said as she looked away. James opened his mouth to protest but she stopped him. "I just can't right now James."

James watched as she walked off down the street, with disappointment he walked over to his car and left.

* * *

Lindsay made her way to Mandy's house, it was the only place she could think of to go to. She knocked lightly on the door, she stepped back as she wiped away some tears. Mandy opened the door, her smile fading as she saw Lindsay. "Lindsay? What happened?!" she asked with concern. Lindsay pursed her lips as she tried to keep the tears from falling once more. She stepped closer to Mandy as she wrapped her arms around Lindsay. Collapsing into her arms, Lindsay let out a choked sob. Mandy helped Lindsay inside and over to a couch. She waited until Lindsay calmed down, "Lindsay, what is it?" 

Lindsay took a deep breath, "Last night – Adam figured it out."

"What?!" Mandy asked in shock. "What happened?!"

Lindsay just shook her head, "He was furious – things would have been even worse but James came back. I ended up going home with him, but I went back today. I – I – "

"What is it, Hun?" Mandy asked her.

"I walked in – and saw him with – Amber this morning." Lindsay choked out.

Mandy looked at her wide eyed, she sat there in disbelief. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, unless I just slapped some girl who looked like her." Lindsay said with a hint of anger in her voice.

"You _slapped_ her?!" Mandy asked.

"Yes." Lindsay said quietly.

Mandy pulled her into another hug, "I'm so sorry you have to go through all this Linds."

Lindsay sighed, "I just wish it didn't have to be so hard." Mandy nodded as she stroked Lindsay's hair.

* * *

Lindsay walked down the quiet street to her house, she had left Mandy's house once it had started to turn dark outside. She only hoped Adam still wasn't there. Making her way inside she shut the door behind her. When she turned around she came face to face with Adam. Lindsay jumped a bit, he walked over towards her. "What are you doing here?" 

Lindsay walked past him and up the stairs, "I'm here to get my things and that's it."

"Why the hell would you do that?" he slurred.

"Because I'm leaving, that's why." Lindsay said.

"You're not leaving!" he said, anger rising in his voice.

"Yes I am Adam."

"Like hell you are." Adam practically screamed as he took hold of her arm.

"Let go!" Lindsay screamed as he pulled her into their bedroom.

Adam flung her across the room over by the bed. Lindsay sat up and grabbed hold of the bed as she tried to get up. "You really think I'd let you go that easily?"

Lindsay kicked him as he advanced toward her, he staggered back a bit. As she tried to leave the room he grabbed her by the foot causing her to fall onto the floor. He then grabbed her by the arms and pushes her to the wall. Adam then grabbed her by the neck and lifts her off the floor. Lindsay grabbed onto his hand trying to break free as she started to choke.

"I won't let you leave!" He screamed at her as he tightened his grip on her neck. "And if you ever think of leaving, or if I see you with him I swear I will kill him!"

Lindsay's eyes widened as he said that. He then let her out of his grip and she fell to the floor gasping for air. Adam walked out of the room leaving her there. After a few moments she heard the front door slamming shut. She held her head in her hands as the tears started to fall.

* * *

Lindsay lay on the couch in the living room, she let out a choked sob as the tears continued to fall. She jumped a bit at the sound of the front door closing. Lindsay took a deep breath before she looked over to the entry way, standing there was James. He walked over to her before she sat up and stepped back from him. James looked over at her in confusion. "James you have to go." 

"What? Why?" James asked her.

Lindsay just shook her head, "You have to leave James, I – I – can't see you anymore." Lindsay choked out.

James looked at her with concern in his eye, "What are you talking about Lindsay?"

"James please, I don't want to lose you." Lindsay pleaded.

"Lindsay -"

She cut him off, "James, you _have_ to leave. Adam said he'd kill you if he ever saw you with me or I left the house."

"How can you stay here Lindsay? You know he'd kill you too if you got him angry enough."

"I can't do anything about it James, he'll be home soon, please just go before he sees you." Lindsay said as tears fell down her cheeks.

"Lindsay come on, I wouldn't let that happen. We can leave and go away from here if we have to."

Lindsay just shook her head, "He'll still find a way James, I'll never get away from him."

"Then I'll find a way for you to get away from him for good." James said as he walked out.

Lindsay walked over to the door and screamed his name to try and stop him but that was no use. James got into his car slamming the door behind him and sped off.

Adam watched as James left the house, he walked up to the porch. He flung the door open letting it slam into the wall. Looking downstairs he didn't see Lindsay anywhere so he made his way upstairs. He found her in their room, she looked up when he walked in. A look of fear crossed her face as he walked towards her. Adam grabbed her tightly by the arm and dragged her downstairs. "You thought I wouldn't catch you talking to him?! I told you I didn't want to see you with again, but you didn't listen!" He flung her to the ground once they were in the living room. Lindsay tried to stand up and made her way into the other room before he grabbed her once more. Adam pinned her to the wall once more, "He took you away from me and now he's going to pay, and so are you!" Adam screamed at her. He stood back pulling out a gun. "If I can't have you, no one can!!" he screamed in anger. "Adam don't!" Lindsay screamed before she gasped as a gunshot rang out.


	7. A Message

Adam stood before Lindsay, pain, anger and betrayal written across his face. Pulling his hand out from behind his back Adam pulled out a gun. He slowly raised it, aiming it at Lindsay. He felt a pang in his heart as he saw her staring at him in horror; Adam swallowed hard as he stared back at her blankly. Adam felt all the anger building up inside of him once more, he shook his head as he looked down to the ground. Looking back up, he glared at Lindsay as he watched the tears stream down her face. "If I can't have you, no one can!!" Adam screamed at her angrily. Lindsay shook her head as her eyes widened in fear, "Adam don't!" she screamed before the sound of gun shots rang out.

_Are you not the slightest bit confused?  
Just the truth.  
The speed at which we move blends so well  
It's too soon._

Lindsay stood there in shock as Adam fell to his knees, before he fell to the floor before her. She covered her mouth as a choked sob escaped her lips as she looked down in horror at Adam's lifeless body. Lindsay felt her breath get caught in her throat as she looked up to see James still aiming the gun at the spot where Adam had stood only seconds ago.

_Separate yourself from what compels you to relinquish us.  
Push your way on to me, entirely.  
Stay away from me, stay away from me now.  
Less you gonna see, less you gonna see me out._

James stood in the foyer still aiming the gun at where Adam was standing before. He stood there in shock, barely believing that he had just done that; until a wave of satisfaction washed over him. James watched as Lindsay fell to her knees, tears still streaming down her face. He quickly dropped the gun to the floor before he walked over to where she was. "Lindsay-"

_No, I can't dance less it's slow or sad  
To a song that's far less obvious.  
You using me, do it slowly  
Make it last until I have to go._

"No don't. Just..stay away from me." Lindsay said as held her head in her hands.

_Trust me when I say just a few more weeks.  
Don't move.  
Resist temptation  
Or do you see fit, just choose._

"Lindsay, I-" James began to say before Lindsay shook her head. "How could you James? How could you do that to him?!"

"It was the only thing I could do. It's the only way for us to get away from him, you don't have to worry about him hurting you anymore Lindsay. That's what you wanted and I-"

_Separate yourself from what compels you to relinquish us.  
Push your way on to me, entirely.  
Stay away from me, stay away from me now.  
Less you gonna see, less you gonna see me out._

"Yes I wanted to get away from him, to not be scared of him anymore. But I didn't want him to **die** because of that!" She said with a hint of anger in her voice.

"That's all there was to do Lindsay. Would you rather it be you on that floor right now?!"

_No, I can't dance less it's slow or sad.  
To a song that's far less obvious.  
You using me, do it slowly  
Make it last until I have to go._

A sob escaped her lips as he raised his voice at her. She looked away from him as she shook her head.

"Lindsay, the only thing that I was thinking of at that moment, was protecting you. I didn't expect to use the gun, okay? But after I saw him aiming that gun at you, I knew I had to. I didn't want to lose you Lindsay." He said, a hint of sadness apparent in his voice. Lindsay continued to stare down at the floor as tears continued to fall. "I was only trying to keep my promise Lindsay. I told you I wouldn't let him hurt you, and that's what I did. I stopped him from hurting you ever again, don't you get it Lindsay? You're free of him now. You don't have to be scared anymore."

_No, I can't dance less it's slow or sad.  
To a song that's far less obvious.  
You using me, do it slowly  
Make it last until I have to go._

"Don't you think I know that?" she said as she looked back up at him. "Part of me is glad that I'm finally free of him, it's like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. But I didn't want him to _die_ James. I know he was awful to me, but I still didn't want him to die.."

_Stay away from, stay away from, stay away from me._

James stepped closer to her, but was stopped once she moved away from him once more. "Just don't." she said with a shake of her head.

"Lindsay-" James began to say.

_Stay away from, stay away from, stay away from me._

"Just go, James." Lindsay said as she looked away from him.

James started to say something before he was cut off. "Lindsay, I-" Lindsay looked up at him, a glint of anger in her eye. "I said, **go**."

_Stay away from, stay away from, stay away from me._

James looked at her with sadness in his eyes, he couldn't stand to see her cry but if she didn't want him to be there, then he'd leave. He turned to leave and walked out the door.

Lindsay let out a sob as she heard the sound of the door slamming shut. Her vision blurred as her eyes filled with even more tears.

* * *

James shut the door behind him, as he walked out a cool breeze swept over him. He sighed as he looked back at the house behind him. Seeing Lindsay upset broke his heart, he couldn't stand to watch her cry, but she didn't want him near her. He sat down in the car and felt a wave of anger and sadness sweep over him, James slammed his fist onto the steering wheel as the anger built up inside of him. He looked up at the house once more before he drove off.

* * *

Lindsay sat on the couch as the police came to the house. She began wringing her hands as they continued asking her questions. As they questioned her, she was practically miles away since all she could think about was what had happened with James. In her heart she knew he was right, but she just couldn't help but feel guilty for what happened. Like she had told him, she had wanted to be free from him, but not at the cost of him losing his life because of her. After the police finished questioning her they left, leaving her alone in the house. Lindsay made her way upstairs where she changed out of her dress and into something more comfortable. When she came downstairs she found Amber standing in the foyer staring at the spot where Adam's lifeless form lay covered with a blanket. She looked to be in some kind of trance as she gazed upon the figure, a look of sorrow written across her face. Amber then turned her attention to Lindsay as she descended the stairs. A look of rage then crossed her face as she glared up at Lindsay. 

"You, you did this!" she spat out as she pointed her finger at Lindsay.

Lindsay stood there speechless as Amber continued her accusations.

Amber scoffed as she glared at Lindsay, "You're unbelievable, you know that? You had Adam, but that just wasn't enough for you. So you just have to go take James from me instead. I don't even know what he sees in you, how does he know you won't go do the same thing to him?!" Amber spat out.

Lindsay could feel all the anger building up inside of her as Amber continued with her accusations. She balled her hands up into fists as she tried to stay calm, Amber's words running through her mind over and over again. Before she knew it tears began to fall down her cheeks as she stood her ground.

Amber smirked as she saw the tears streaming down Lindsay's face, feeling a wave of satisfaction wash over her at the sight of Lindsay in tears. Before she knew it, Lindsay's hand swung at her as Lindsay slapped her across the face.

Lindsay couldn't help but hate Amber as she looked over at her in amusement as the tears ran down her face. Without even thinking, Lindsay swung her arm at Amber, her hand slapping Amber across the face. She took a step back, taking a deep breath. Lindsay looked over at Amber in shock, barely believing that she had just done that. Looking down upon her hand, Lindsay clenched her jaw before she looked back up, glaring at Amber. "I love James more than you **ever** did Amber. And unlike _you_, I wouldn't do anything to hurt him." Lindsay spat out before she made her way out the door, slamming it shut as she walked out.

Amber stood there in shock; she flinched as the door slammed shut. She brought her hand to her mouth as a sob escaped her lips. Amber felt her legs give way, she quickly grabbed hold of the chair beside her as she collapsed into it. Tears began to stream down her face as she sat alone in the now empty house.

* * *

Lindsay made her way down the dark street, she hugged herself as a cold gust of wind swept over her. As she continued to walk down the quiet street, thoughts of all the events that had happened came rushing back to her. Tears began to fall down her cheeks as thoughts of James filled her mind. She looked up as she finally came to the place she was looking for. Lindsay slowly made her way up to the door, her hand quivering as she reached out to knock on the door. 

Mandy smoothed out her skirt as she made her way to the door. She opened the door, a smile upon her face, it soon faltered as she looked out onto the porch. Standing before her was a very distraught Lindsay, Mandy frowned at Lindsay's tear stained face. Mandy wrapped an arm around Lindsay as she led her inside, shutting the door behind them. "Lindsay is everything alright?"

Lindsay shook her head as she looked away from Mandy, tears springing to her eyes once more.

After getting no response, Mandy led Lindsay into the living room where the two of them sat on the couch. "Lindsay what happened?"

Lindsay let out a choked sob before she looked up at Mandy. "A-Adam's.." Lindsay felt her eyes fill with tears once more, "Adam's dead." She said, her lips trembling.

Mandy looked at Lindsay in shock, gaping as she took in what Lindsay said. "What? How did this happen?" she finally said.

Lindsay sniffled as she tried to calm herself down. She took a deep breath before she opened her mouth to speak. "James, he…" Lindsay bit her lip, trying to keep from crying once more.

Mandy tried to calm Lindsay down as she waited for her to continue.

Lindsay began to wring her hands once more as she tried to find the right words to say. "J-James..h-he-" Lindsay paused as she took a deep breath, "he killed him." she said, stuttering as the words escaped her lips.

Lindsay looked over at Mandy who was staring at her with a blank look on her face. "Wh-what?" Mandy stuttered as she took in the words. Mandy looked over at Lindsay expectantly, but Lindsay only held her head in her hands as she began to sob again. Mandy swallowed hard and took in a deep breath before she spoke again. "What happened?"

Lindsay placed her hands in her lap as she looked back up at Mandy. She swallowed hard, "A-Adam threatened to kill James and me, then later tonight-" Lindsay took a deep breath. "-He tried killing me. The next thing I knew, Adam was on the floor in front of me and.." A sob escaped her lips as the image of James holding the gun ran through her mind. "James was the one who pulled the trigger." she said through sobs, her body shaking as she went on.

Mandy pulled Lindsay into a hug as tears began to fall down Lindsay's face once more. Mandy stroked Lindsay's hair as she tried to calm her down. Every so often saying, "It'll be okay," in barely a whisper.

Lindsay sniffled before she took in a deep breath once more, trying to calm herself down. "I just don't know what to do anymore." Lindsay said in barely a whisper.

"I wish I could make things better for you Linds. It shouldn't be this hard." She squeezed Lindsay's hand as she leaned back. "How's James doing?"

Lindsay sighed as she shook her head. "I don't know. I have no idea where he is, or how he's dealing with all this."

Mandy arched an eyebrow at Lindsay in question. "Didn't you two talk about it, I mean I'm sure he's going through a lot too."

Tears began to build up in her eyes again, Lindsay shut her eyes, trying not to cry. "No." She let out an exasperated sigh, "I asked him to leave."

"Oh." Mandy said simply as she looked down at the ground. "Listen, I know you probably don't want to go back there, so..do you want to stay here for the night? At least until things calm down a bit?"

"Are you sure? I don't want to bother you and Jacob."

Mandy placed her hand on Lindsay's shoulder and squeezed it a bit, "I'll sleep better knowing my best friend is safe."

Lindsay gave Mandy an apologetic smile and hugged her best friend tightly before letting go.

"Thank you Mandy." Lindsay said, still sniffling.

"Anytime." Mandy said with a smile. "I'll go and make something to eat while you make you're self at home, okay?"

Mandy got up and left the room leaving Lindsay alone. Lindsay sighed before she got up and went upstairs to the guest room. She walked in and shut the door behind her before she made her way over to the bed and lay down. A pained expression crossed her face as she shut her eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling again.

* * *

Mandy sighed deeply before she reached for the door handle and walked out. She found Jacob sitting on the steps out on the porch. Sighing softly she walked over and sat down beside him. Jacob looked over at her with concern as he saw the state she was in. "Is everything okay?" he asked softly. 

Swallowing hard, Mandy felt her breath get caught in her throat before she spoke. She turned to Jacob, "Something's happened." Mandy said quietly.

"What do you mean?" he asked worriedly.

Mandy looked down at the ground as she tried to find an easy way to tell Jacob the news. She found that there wasn't much she could do but tell him plainly what happened. Sighing she looked back up at him, "Adam's dead, Jacob."

A look of grief crossed his face as he tried to process what she said, "What?"

"I'm so sorry." Mandy said sympathetically as she placed a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

"How did this happen?" Jacob asked, still unable to believe it.

"Jacob, I know I told you earlier that nothing was going on between James and Lindsay, but-" Mandy paused as she breathed in deeply, "I lied." A sob escaped her lips as she looked away from him, tears forming in her eyes.

Jacob wrapped an arm around her as he held her close, "I understand, but how long has it been going on?"

"A month or so, Adam just found out tonight. He was really angry with her and-" she paused as she pursed her lips and looked down at the ground. "He threatened to kill Lindsay for what she did and, well James wouldn't let anything happen to her so he shot Adam before he could do the same to Lindsay." Mandy said as she sniffled.

Jacob stroked Mandy's arm as he tried to process everything she was saying. He sighed before he opened his mouth to say something. "I still can't believe it, I never thought he'd do anything like that, even after what Lindsay did."

"I'm sorry Jacob, I know you were friends with both of them." Mandy said as she looked up at him through tear filled eyes.

"I can see where James was coming from though." He said as he kissed her on the forehead. "How's Lindsay handling all of it?"

"She's doing better, a little overwhelmed but much better than before. I hope you don't mind, but I told her that she could stay with us for a few days."

"That's fine, she could probably use her friend right now."

Mandy gave him a small smile as she laid her head on his shoulder and the two of them sat there upon the porch.

* * *

James drove on through the quiet town unsure of where he was going. He'd been driving ever since he had left Lindsay back at her house. _Lindsay._ Just the thought of her hurt at that moment. The only thing he could think of were the last words she had said to him"_I said go._" Those words continued to ring in his ears and the image of her breaking before him kept running through his mind. The thought of how angry she had been when she'd told him to leave hurt him. He'd try to think of something else but some how he'd just go right back to thinking of her. All he wanted was to end her misery and hope that they could be together afterwards, but now it seemed as if he'd ruined everything. He had only made Lindsay angry with him and from the looks of it she didn't want anything to do with him either. James gripped the wheel tighter now as he continued to think of Lindsay. Everything had happened the exact opposite of what he had expected, he wanted to keep his promise for Lindsay but not at the cost of losing her. He knew if he hadn't shot Adam than he would've lost Lindsay, but now he could see that he was practically in a lose – lose situation.

* * *

Lindsay sat before the windowsill staring out into the night as the rain pelted down on her window. It reminded her of the night James had come over and they confessed their feelings for one another. She remembered how scared she had been that night since she was afraid of what Adam would do if he'd found out. That night she had lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling, listening to the rain outside. She started to regret what she said to James now, if she hadn't told him then they wouldn't be in this mess. Yet if she hadn't told James she would've broken his heart since he had gathered up the courage that night to tell her finally. Lindsay was pulled out of her thoughts at the sound of someone opening the door. She looked over to see Mandy shutting the door behind her. Mandy gave her a comforting smile as she walked over and sat down beside Lindsay. "How are you holding up?" Mandy asked. 

"Just thinking about James," Lindsay said with a sigh as she played with the hem of her skirt with her fingers. "I don't know what I'm going to do Mandy." she said as she looked up at her with saddened eyes.

Mandy placed a comforting hand on Lindsay's shoulder. "It'll be over soon, everything will be alright."

"I know, I just- I shouldn't have asked him to leave. I'm afraid to even think of what he's thinking right now." Lindsay said placing her hand on her forehead as she pursed her lips.

Mandy looked down at her lap as she withdrew her hand from Lindsay's shoulder. It hurt her that Lindsay was so upset and there wasn't much she could do. She could only hope that she could cheer her friend up at that moment. Mandy smiled a bit as she opened her mouth to say something. "Remember the night I left James in your house and you got out of the shower to find him standing in the doorway of your bedroom?" Mandy said trying to hide the laughter that was trying to escape her lips.

Lindsay shook her head as she looked down at her lap, "Yes, how could I forget? That was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life," she said with a smile as her cheeks turned red. A laugh escaped her lips at the thought of that night, "Can't forget the fact that he fell down the stairs and I had only a towel on the whole time!" Lindsay gushed.

They looked at each other and burst out laughing, Mandy smiled with satisfaction and relief. It was nice to see her friend laugh again; she hadn't showed the least bit of happiness ever since the party.

* * *

James drove on heedlessly as the rain poured down harder. He could barely see out the windshield but he didn't know what else to do but to drive. No idea where to, or why he continued to but all he thought of doing was driving off, away from Tree Hill. Getting away seemed like the only option for him, if he had lost Lindsay, there wasn't much left for him if he had. He was too afraid to find out at the moment. Just the thought of her telling him they couldn't be together now, and meaning it, hurt. 

James thought back to when Lindsay and he were younger, when they had had nothing to worry about, and they hadn't expected they'd end up the way they had now. He hadn't told her then about his feelings and maybe they were better off. They were happy then, although before he told her they were both unhappy, regretting the decisions they'd chosen relationship wise. But even then they weren't in the state they were in now, when he might have lost her. James began to wonder if maybe it would have been better if he hadn't told her.

A small smile appeared on his lips as he remembered the night when he had known that he loved her, that his feelings were real. He remembered how happy the two of them had been back then, when they were just _friends._

_

* * *

James stared back at Lindsay, barely even registering what she was talking about. He had tried to ignore the feelings he'd been having lately, but even as he looked at her he knew he wouldn't be able to. Those feelings were there now, and probably wouldn't ever go away despite his best efforts to try and push them away. He was soon brought out of his trance-like state when he heard her calling his name._

_"James? James?! Hello, earth to James!" Lindsay called out as she tried to get his attention._

_"Huh? What?" he said as he shook his head._

_"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Lindsay asked as she arched her eyebrow in question._

_"No, sorry." He mumbled quietly._

_"What is with you tonight? You're acting really weird." Lindsay said with laughter in her voice. "It's really odd but kind of amusing."_

_"Amusing how?" he asked with worry._

_"Cause you keep giving me these ridiculous looks while I'm talking." She said with a smile as she went to take a sip from her cup._

_"I am?" he asked raising his eyebrows, trying to hide the fact that he was embarrassed._

_"Yes." Lindsay said with a laugh._

_James cleared his throat as he looked away. "So, what were you saying again?" he asked, hoping she'd forget about everything._

_Lindsay shook her head, "Never mind, it wasn't important. It was stupid anyways."_

_"Linds, come on, I don't think anything you say is stupid. Come on, what was it?" James said, pleading with her._

_"I-I was just saying how I've been thinking about, you know, what I expect I'll end up doing in the future. How I want to settle down right away with someone, the right guy this time." A small laugh escaped her lips as she spoke, "I know Dean and I weren't together for that long, but I'd hate to be in a relationship like that again. I just hope I'll find the **right** guy, soon."_

_James swallowed hard before he nodded, "I hope so too." He said quietly._

_"What is it?" Lindsay asked._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I don't know, you're just acting different tonight. Is there something that's bothering you?" Lindsay asked, hopeful._

_"No," James said as she shook his head. "I've just been thinking about the same thing."_

_Lindsay grinned as she tried not to laugh, "How you want to find the right guy?" she said as she tried to stifle a laugh._

_James shook his head as a smile appeared on his lips, "**No**, you know what I mean."_

_Lindsay just nodded as she sighed._

_"What?" James asked her as he looked back over at her._

_A smile crossed her lips as she looked over at him, "I just missed night like this. The two of us," she said. "It makes me glad I broke up with Dean."_

_James smiled back at her, "Yeah. I missed you too."_

_Lindsay took a sip of her tea as she looked out over to the street as it began to rain._

_A smile appeared on James's face as he looked back at her, "You know I'm getting kind of bored just sitting here."_

_"Oh?" Lindsay asked as she arched her eyebrow. "I'm sorry James, am I boring you?" She asked jokingly._

_James looked away as if he was pondering his reply._

_Lindsay looked over at him in shock, she leaned over and slapped his arm playfully._

_James stared down at the spot where she'd hit him, he looked back up at her as if he was astounded that she had just hit him. Lindsay quickly stuck her tongue out at him teasingly. James smirked as he laughed. "You're going to pay for that." He said._

_Lindsay looked back at him in confusion. Before she knew it he was lifting her up over his shoulder. James ran down the steps from the porch and out into the rain. A scream escaped Lindsay's lips, "James!!" she screamed._

_James laughed as he ran over to the lawn and started to spin the two of them around in the rain. Lindsay continued to scream as he spun her around. When he stopped he set her down before him, he burst out laughing as she stumbled while she tried to get her bearings._

_Lindsay glared at him as she stepped forward and shoved him, almost knocking him over. "I can't believe you did that!" James just continued to laugh as the rain poured down on them. Lindsay slapped him in the arm again, "Stop! It isn't funny." Lindsay looked up at him, pouting._

_"Aw come on Lindsay.." he said as he put his hand on her arm. Lindsay moved away as she crossed her arms. "Okay I'm sorry Lindsay," he said. "I didn't know that Dean had taken all the fun out of you." Lindsay stuck her tongue out at him again. "Come on don't be like that." James said as he stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her._

_Lindsay laughed as he held her tight, "It's okay." She said as she leaned her head on his chest. She never realized how much she really had missed him before._

_James pulled away a bit as he looked down at her, she looked back up at him. The two of them just stood there staring back at one another, before they both looked away awkwardly as Lindsay's mother called for them. "We should probably go." Lindsay said as she stepped back and turned around. A smile spread across her lips as she walked over to the porch._

* * *

_James slowly made his way over to the couch as he held Lindsay in his arms. He looked out the window as it began to rain outside. Carefully, he lay her down upon the couch, trying not to wake her. _

_The two of them had been out late that night and she'd fallen asleep on the way home. It was practically his fault that they'd been gone so long, he would feel bad if he had to wake her. Besides, she had drank a little too much that night at the party they were at and he figured she wouldn't wake up anyways. _

_James stood up as he finally lay her down. He smiled a bit as he watched her lay there sleeping, soundly. Without even thinking he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, Lindsay stirred a bit. He quickly stood up and turned to leave. "James?" Lindsay called out sleepily. _

_**Crap.** he thought. He turned around and looked over at her. She lay there staring up at him, half asleep. "Hey." he said quietly. _

_"Hi," she said with a smile. "What happened?" _

_James shook his head as he sat down beside her. "Let's just say you went a little too crazy with drinks tonight." _

_Lindsay groaned, "No wonder I have a headache." _

_James laughed, "I should go. I'll see you tomorrow." he said. _

_"Wait," Lindsay called out. _

_"What is it?" James asked. _

_Lindsay leaned up a bit as she pulled him closer to her. She placed a hand behind his head as she brought her lips to his. She kissed him gently as she held him close. "Thanks." she said in almost a whisper. _

_A small smile appeared on James' lips as he hovered over her. "No problem." he said before he got up and walked out the door. _

_Lindsay lay there with a smile on her lips before she felt sleep overcome her and fell fast asleep once more. _

_James made his way to his car, trying not to get too wet. As he sat down he sat there for a moment thinking back to what had happened inside. He smiled as he thought back to the kiss before he drove off._

* * *

James stared off, lost in thought, barely even watching where he was going. He never realized how long it had been there between them, how stupid he had been to be afraid of telling her. The only reason he hadn't was because he was afraid she didn't feel the same way and that he didn't want it to ruin the relationship they already had. He sighed as all the thoughts of that night rushed back to him. James looked back out to the road, a look of panic crossed his face as he came upon something in the road. He slammed on the brakes, trying to avoid it, but only caused his car to swerve over to the side of the road. The sound of his tires screeching was the last thing he heard before his car slammed into a tree. He looked up, his eyes heavy, an image of Lindsay flashed before him until everything went black.

* * *

Mandy and Lindsay continued to joke around, laughing at whatever the other said. They had been talking about all the crazy things the two of them had done when they were younger. Mandy knew that the only thing she could do right now was try to take Lindsay's mind off of everything. Lindsay hadn't thought of anything that had happened after Mandy had steered their conversation to something else. The two of them sat there laughing, before they heard the sound of rushed footsteps down the hall. They both looked up to see Jacob running into the room, panting as he finally stopped. Quickly, they stopped as Jacob looked over at them with a panicked expression on his face.

"Jacob, what's wrong?" Mandy asked concerned as she stood up and walked over towards him, placing a hand on his arm firmly.

"I have some bad news." Jacob said staring over at Lindsay.

"What happened?" Lindsay asked worriedly as she stood up as well.

"I just got off the phone with the hospital." Jacob swallowed hard as he paused once he looked over at Lindsay's worried face. "It's James, he was in an accident. The rain—"

Lindsay stared back at Jacob in shock, her mouth gaping as she stood there speechless. Tears springing to her eyes as she processed what Jacob had just told her.


	8. Run

Mandy and Lindsay turned their attention to the door as Jacob came running in through the doorway. He stood there panting as he tried to catch his breath. The two of them fell silent as the smiles on their faces dropped once they saw the panicked expression upon Jacob's face. Lindsay felt a feeling of nervousness wash over her as she saw Jacob staring back at her as he opened his mouth to speak. "Jacob, what's wrong?" Mandy asked as she stood up and walked over to him, placing a hand firmly on his arm. Lindsay held her breath as Jacob opened his mouth once more to speak, she anxiously awaited his response, afraid of what he was about to say.

"I have some bad news." Jacob said gravely as he looked back over at Lindsay, his eyes fixed upon her.

Lindsay took a deep breath as she stood up, "What happened?" she asked, not really wanting to know.

"I just got off the phone with the hospital." Jacob swallowed hard as he paused once he looked over at Lindsay's worried face. "It's James, he was in an accident. The rain-"

Lindsay stared back at Jacob in shock, her mouth gaping as she stood there speechless. Tears springing to her eyes as she processed what Jacob had just told her. She felt a pang in her heart at the sound of those few words "_It's James, he was in an accident_." Those were words Lindsay **never** wanted to hear. Lindsay stood there staring back at Mandy and Jacob through the blur of tears that began to fill her eyes. Feeling her legs begin to give way Lindsay collapsed onto the bed beside her, her body began to shake as the tears finally began to fall.

Lindsay shook her head as she a sob escaped her lips. This couldn't be happening, not now, not after the way they'd left everything off. Her stomach began to turn in knots as the thought of losing James forever rushed through her mind. There were so many things left unsaid, so many things she'd wanted to tell him but couldn't say that night. She wanted him to know that she wasn't angry with him, she was only angry with herself for what she'd done. And though she finally found happiness with James and wanted to be with him so badly now, it still hurt her that Adam died because of what she'd done. She wanted to just go to him and tell her how stupid she was for making him leave and just sit there in his arms, where she felt safe. Everything was falling apart and she couldn't handle it anymore. He couldn't just die like that, he just _couldn't_.

Standing up, Lindsay rushed out of the room. She ran down the stairs as fast as she could, ignoring Mandy's cries. Lindsay grabbed Jacob's keys off the table and rushed out the front door. Within minutes Lindsay was flying down the driveway, she **had** to get to the hospital.

_**I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done.**_

* * *

Mandy and Jacob rushed out onto the front lawn as they watched Lindsay fly down the street. 

"LINDSAY!" Mandy screamed, hoping she'd hear her but with no avail.

Mandy turned around to face Jacob who was standing behind her. "What do we do?" she asked him.

"I don't know, should we follow her?" he asked.

An exasperated sigh escaped Mandy's lips, "I don't know, I just wish there was something I could do."

"The only thing we can do now is be there for her, she's been through enough already." Jacob said as he pulled Mandy close to him.

"Yeah," Mandy said in barely a whisper.

* * *

_**And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here.**_

Lindsay thought back to earlier that night, trying to remember what James had said.

_James turned to leave and walked toward the entry way. He stopped in his tracks for a moment before he turned around again. "I'm sorry Lindsay."_

_Lindsay sat there looking down at the now lifeless body that lay before her, not wanting to look up at James._

_"I'm not going anywhere Lindsay, but…if anything happens, just please stop by at the house. I left something there for you." James said before he turned and left, the door slamming shut behind him._

Lindsay sniffled as she remembered the look on his face when he'd left, how hurt he'd looked. She blinked away the tears that wanted to continue to fall as she pulled up into the driveway. Unlocking the door she made her way into the kitchen. Finding nothing there she went upstairs to James' bedroom. As she opened the door she spotted something upon the nightstand. Walking over she found a bunch of lilacs, her favorite flower, laid upon an envelope. A small smile formed on her lips as she smelled the flowers before she picked up the letter. Opening it up she took out the folded piece of paper and unfolded it as she sat down on the bed.

**

* * *

Lindsay,**

**I don't know what'll happen after tonight, after what I'm about to do but I just want you to know I'm only doing it to protect you. You may hate me for this, or I might hurt you because of it, but I can't live knowing he will do something to hurt you. I promised I wouldn't let him do anything to you, and I'm going to keep that promise.**

**I know lately things have been hard for you because of what happened between us. All I want you to know is I wouldn't give any of it back for the world and I don't regret it at all. I've never wanted something so much before and all I know is, I love you Lindsay, and I always will. No matter what happens tonight, I will always love you and that will never change.**

**There's only one other thing I ask of you, and that's to open the top drawer. You'll know why when you see it.**

**Always and Forever,**

**James**

_**

* * *

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear.**_

_**Louder, louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say.**_

A tear fell onto the paper as tears streamed down her face. For all she knew she could've ruined everything between them or might have even lost him. Wiping away the tears she let out a sigh before she moved closer to the nightstand. Opening it up slowly she peered inside. The only thing she found within the drawer was a small black box. She took it out and shut the drawer behind her. Sitting back down on the bed she opened up the box.

_**To think I might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbye  
I nearly do.**_

Lindsay brought her hand to her mouth as a sob escaped her lips as she looked down at the ring that rested inside. She took it out of the box, her hands shaking. Swallowing hard, Lindsay slid the ring onto her finger. Her lip quivered as she stared down at it, tears now streaming down her face once more.

_**Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear.**_

_**Louder, louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say.**_

_**Slower, slower  
We don't have time for that  
All I want is to find an easier way  
To get out of our little heads.**_

Lindsay rushed down the steps as fast as she could and out the front door. She sped off down the street, going to the hospital. The only thing she knew was she **had **to see him – if she hadn't lost him already.

* * *

Rushing into the hospital Lindsay came upon a nurse at the front desk. "I need to know where James Scott is," she said immediately. 

The nurse looked up at her before looking back down at some papers, "I'm sorry but I can't tell you where he is right now."

Lindsay scoffed, "No, I **need** to know." The nurse shook her head before she looked back down half expecting Lindsay to leave. Lindsay felt the anger build up inside of her as she glared down at the girl. "Did you hear me!? I need to know NOW!" she screamed.

The nurse looked up at her with a panicked look, just as she was about to speak a doctor came round the corner. "Is there a problem here?" he asked.

"She wants to know what's going on with James Scott, but as I've already told her she can't right now."

He nodded before he turned to Lindsay and pulled her aside. "May I ask how you know Mr. Scott?"

"I-I-I'm his wife," Lindsay said. She felt only the slightest bit of happiness at the sound of those words at the moment, but she was too upset to dwell on it.

"I don't see any record of Mr. Scott having a wife."

"Um-" Lindsay looked began wringing her hands as she looked down at the floor. "We just got married, they must've not filed the papers yet."

"I see," the doctor said, half believing it. "Well, after what happened to him, I'd say Mr. Scott is one lucky man. Based on the crash I would've thought he wouldn't make it, but he made it out with only a few cuts and bruises."

Lindsay felt a slight bit relieved from this information as a sigh escaped her lips. "Um, can I see him?" she asked quietly.

"I think it'll be alright." The doctor led Lindsay down a hallway and over into a small corridor. "He's in the room to the right."

Lindsay nodded, "Thank you." She turned around and headed toward the door.

_**Have heart my dear  
We're bound to be afraid  
Even if it's just for a few days  
Making up for all this mess.**_

She stopped just outside the door for a moment, trying to prepare herself. Swallowing hard she forced herself to walk inside, holding her breath as she walked into the doorway.

_**Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear.**_

* * *

James bolted up in bed, his body covered in a cold sweat. He sat there gaping as he tried to catch his breath. He threw the sheets off of himself and got out of bed. Walking into the bathroom he stopped in front of the sink where he washed his face off. After he dried his face he found himself thinking back to the awful dream he had just had. All he could remember was speeding down a darkened street in the pouring rain. And just before he woke up his car had careened off the side of the road before crashing into a tree. Taking a deep breath he turned around to head back to bed but stopped dead in his tracks when he came face to face with Amber. She looked up at him somewhat worried, yet still half asleep. "Are you okay?" she asked as she pulled the sheets tighter around herself. 

James stood there unable to speak. Dozens of questions raced through his mind as he stared at her. _Why was she here? Where was Lindsay? Did he really just dream about all of that, or was it real? Would Lindsay ever forgive him if it was true? But if it was true, why was he dreaming of crashing his car?_

Amber stood there impatiently, waiting for his response. "James?"

James shook his head, trying to shake off the feeling. "Yeah I'm fine." He said before turning back around. "I'm just a bit confused." Looking into the mirror he saw her step closer to him, now at his side. She laid a comforting hand on his shoulder as she stepped aside so she could see his face.

"Confused about what?" she asked, getting no response she tried once more. "Is everything alright? You seemed a bit shaken up when you woke up."

"Uh yeah, I'm fine. Just a bad dream. Um what are you-?" James stopped as he stared down at her hand. He felt his breath get caught in his throat as he looked down at the ring upon her finger.

"What?" Amber asked, somewhat confused.

"Uh-uh nothing, um, I gotta go." James said before he moved Amber aside and walked into the closet.

"What?" Amber asked as she followed him inside. She watched as he threw on some clothes quickly. "Where are you going?" she asked as he walked past her.

"I just need to do something," he said before he walked out of the room.

"James?!" she called after him but he didn't even stop. After a moment she heard the front door slam shut, she walked over to the window and pushed the curtains away. Amber watched as James drove off, his car screeching down the street. A sadden look washed over her face as she watched his car drive off into the distance.

James sped off down the dark streets, he had no idea where he was going but he knew where he was bound to end up. Everything didn't make sense, before he and Lindsay were together, they did get into an argument, but he sure wasn't with Amber anymore. He knew he was just kidding himself then when he was with her, but it didn't make any sense at all why he'd be with her now. And married to her? He couldn't possibly have married her, he knew he never had feelings for her before but why were they together now?

* * *

Lindsay stood there just outside the door, wanting so badly to go in, but hesitating because of the fact that she was afraid what she might find. She swallowed back some tears that had welled up in her eyes and took a deep breath before turning the corner. Standing there, Lindsay felt her breath get caught in her throat and a pain in her heart. On the other side of the room lay James, he looked so helpless laying there, motionless. Lindsay walked closer to the bed, she grabbed onto the arm of a chair as she collapsed into it. A sob escaped her lips as she finally diverted her glance from James. She tried to blink back tears as her vision blurred but she couldn't help it. Tears began to fall down her cheeks as she let out another choked sob. The only thing going through her mind now was the guilt she felt when she first laid eyes on James when she walked in.

* * *

James pulled up next to the curb and walked up the driveway. He took a deep breath before he reached up and knocked on the door. After a few moments Lindsay came to the door, a smile on her face as she turned from the person she was talking to. Her smile faltered as she saw James, "James?" Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she looked up at him, "What are you doing here?" 

James felt his breath get caught in his throat as he saw her smile fade. He swallowed hard as he looked at her through saddened eyes, "I wanted to see you."

"You wanted to see _me_?" Lindsay asked in confusion.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" James asked, afraid to hear the answer. Everything was different now and he didn't know why.

"James, I haven't spoken to you in months. I figured you wouldn't want to after what happened."

James noticed the hurt in her eyes as she said this. "Oh," he said quietly as he looked down at the ground. "This might sound odd, but what happened?"

Lindsay swallowed hard as she looked back inside behind her before stepping outside and shutting the door. "James is everything alright?" she asked in concern.

"Yeah-" he said reassuringly but knew that it was obvious he was lying. "Okay not really, I'm just…confused."

"Confused about what?"

"About what happened to us," he said as he looked down at her.

"James, I don't-" Lindsay sighed for a second before she continued. "I don't get why you're asking me this **now**."

"Listen I'm sorry, but can you just tell me what happened?" James said hopefully.

Lindsay took a deep breath before she looked back up at him. "Well, I don't see how its something you could forget, but alright."

The two of them made their way down the steps and down the street. They headed across the street to the park and sat down on a bench before they said anything.

"Well, it all happened that night you came over while Adam was away." Lindsay started off. "The night-" she paused as her breath caught in her throat.

"The night I told you my feelings about you." James finished. He stared down at the ground, why had everything gone wrong this time?

"Yeah." Lindsay said as tears welled up in her eyes. She wiped them away and sniffled before she looked back at him, "Sorry. You wanted to know what happened…" James looked back up at her as she paused. "After you said everything I panicked and just ran, I just couldn't stand to look at you when you said that. It hurt too much…"

_

* * *

Lindsay ran across a field to a small park across the street that had a swing set in the middle of it. She ran over and clung to the pole as she sank to the muddy ground sobbing. James stopped as he reached the grass area. He stood there saddened as he watched Lindsay break down. James stood there for a moment then rushed over to where Lindsay was. He bent down beside her and was going to take her in his arms until she protested._

_Lindsay began to sob as the tears fell. She shook her head as she looked away from him. "Don't...just go James."_

_"Lindsay, I'm sorry! But I've known you my whole life and you are the only one I have ever truly loved with all my heart."_

_Lindsay still clung to the pole as more tears began to fall. "I know that, that's not what hurts. Its the fact that we could have had something and now we can't."_

_"I know, and that's my fault, I should of said something but now…"_

_Lindsay finally looked up at him for the first time, "Now?! James, we can't have anything now. I'm married to Adam and you are dating Amber. There's no way we can take that back."_

_"So you want to just forget this ever happened? Just go back to pretending like there is nothing between us? Lindsay, I've been feeling like this for a long time and the feeling will never go away..." James protested._

_Lindsay looked back up at him, hurt apparent in her eyes. "I felt that way too James, but-"_

_"You don't now." James said quietly as looked away from her, feeling defeated._

_"I don't know what you want me to do James, I was too afraid to admit it before, but we can't have anything now. I'm with Adam now."_

_"You don't even love him Lindsay." James said._

_"How do you know that? And it's not like you cared, you started dating Amber right after you heard about our engagement."_

_"I was hurt, Lindsay. And confused, I knew I had lost you then and I didn't want to have to deal with that. I started dating Amber hoping it'd make me forget you, make me not love you anymore. But I just…I can't." James said, his voice quivering a bit._

_Lindsay looked up at him, tears falling from her eyes. "You have to let me go James, there's nothing left for us now."_

_James shook his head as he looked down at her in disbelief, he felt his hands ball up into fists as he turned away._

_Lindsay stood up and walked up beside him. "I'm sorry James, but there's nothing you can do now. I loved you, I did." Lindsay said pleading with him. "James please say something.."_

_"I don't know what to say to you Lindsay." James said, still not looking at her._

_"I'm sorry," Lindsay said as she swallowed hard. "James please, just say something."_

_"I don't have anything to say to you now Lindsay," he said bitterly as he started to walk off._

_"James!" Lindsay called after him._

_"Just don't Lindsay, we can't anything now right? So what's the use?" James said as he turned to look back at her._

_"Can't we just talk about this?" Lindsay asked._

_"Talk about what? How you don't love me anymore? No, I think I got that."_

_"James, I'm sorry. Please don't just walk away.." Lindsay said, a sob escaping her lips._

_"You're the one who wants me to let you go, so I'm doing what you asked. There really is no reason for me to stay any longer." James said as he turned to leave._

_"That's it? You're just going to leave?" Lindsay said as she stepped closer to him. He turned to look at her, "We're going to see each other again right?" Lindsay asked hopefully._

_James looked down at the ground as he felt a lump grow in his throat. He swallowed hard before looking back up at her, "No, I don't think that'd be a good idea. It's best if we just don't see each other anymore Lindsay. It'll be easier for me to forget about you that way."_

_"James…" Lindsay started to say._

_"No, Lindsay. There's nothing else left to say, I'm done, okay?" he said before turned to leave. He walked off, the rain pouring harder down on him._

* * *

"Oh." James said, as Lindsay finished. 

"I really am sorry James, I didn't want things to end that way," she said as she sniffled again. "You were probably right though, it is best that we just stop seeing each other anymore. We need to get on with our own lives, right?" Lindsay said as she stood up.

"Lindsay I-" James started to say.

"It's fine, I get it. I hurt you, I know that, there wouldn't be any use in me doing it again. So I'm just going to go now, bye James," she said quietly before turning to leave.

James ran his fingers through his hair as he sat there and held his head in his hands. He sat there for a while, just staring off into space. He didn't understand why everything had happened this way, everything was fine. Well for the most part it was, what confused him the most is how he'd gotten here. Was it all just a dream? Or was what he'd thought had happened all just a dream? Maybe he'd just dreamt about he and Lindsay together..? He wasn't with Lindsay here either and he began to wonder, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe they weren't meant to be together at all.

* * *

Lindsay finally looked back up and James, she reached for his hand, her hands shaking as she took his hand into hers. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I am **so** sorry James. I never meant for any of this to happen. I just wish everything could be simple, easier, maybe that way we wouldn't have ended up like this. I know I probably hurt you with the way I treated you earlier tonight, but I just want you to know that my feelings for you never changed. I was just confused and panicked with everything that was happening, it was all happening so fast. It's almost hard to believe any of it happened, I kind of wish it hadn't. I wish everything hadn't happened, that we hadn't really said our feelings for one another. Maybe that way you'd still be here, and I'd still have you." Lindsay voice quivered as she spoke, "Oh gosh, what am I saying? These past couple months were amazing, that was probably the best thing I'd done. I just wish things hadn't happened the way they did with Adam." A small smile spread across Lindsay lips as she looked down at the ring on her finger. Maybe, just maybe, if James woke up they could make things right. Maybe even be together once and for all, but as she looked back up at James she felt a sadness in her heart. As much as she wanted to be with him, she knew that it was her fault this had all happened. Looking at him made her heart break, out of everything that'd happened he was the last person she'd want to be hurt by any of this. He was fighting to save her, to protect her safe, and she pushed him away. Now he was the one who was hurt, she couldn't help but feel guilty, wish that it was her who'd been hurt and not him. 

Tears began to fall from her eyes again as she looked at him. "I'm sorry this happened James, it's all my fault. If it wasn't for me you'd be okay. I know I probably hurt you earlier tonight when I sent you away, but I just hope you'll be able to forgive me. I don't want to lose you, you're the one thing that matters most to me in this world. I _**love**_ you, more than you'd ever know. And I just wish everything could be okay, that everything will be fine and we can be happy together again. Like before, before Adam and Amber came along, but we can finally be together this time around. I just hope you'll forgive me…" Lindsay said as she reached over and stroked his hair. Leaning over she kissed him softly upon his forehead as she continued to stroke his hair.

* * *

Lindsay walked inside the house and shut the door quietly behind her. Adam walked up behind her, "Where'd you go?" 

"Oh, um..that was James." Lindsay said quietly.

"Oh. How'd it go?" Adam asked.

"As well as could be expected," Lindsay said with a small smile.

"I'm sorry, I know how much his friendship meant to you." Adam said as he walked up to her. "Listen, I might have some news that might cheer you up." Adam said smiling down at her.

"Oh, and what's that?" Lindsay asked.

"I just got a call from the doctor."

"Am I?" Lindsay asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"Yeah," Adam said as his smile widened. "We're going to have a baby." He said as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

Lindsay felt tears well up in her eyes, she sniffled as a frown spread across her lips.

"What's the matter?" Adam asked concerned. "Aren't you happy? I thought you wanted this..?" he asked a bit of fear in his voice.

"Yeah, I do. Haven't you ever cried when you're happy?" Lindsay asked as a smile spread across her lips.

Adam smiled back down at her as he hugged her once more and kissed her neck.

_

* * *

Over the sea and far away_

_She's waiting like an iceberg_

_Waiting to change_

_But she's cold inside_

_She wants to be like water._

Amber looked outside the window as James pulled up into the driveway. A frown spread across her lips as she looked out at him as he walked up to the door.

_All the muscles tighten in her face_

_Buries her soul in one embrace_

_They're one and the same_

_Just like water._

"Hi." Amber said quietly as James walked in.

"Hey," he said, not really looking at her.

"Is everything okay?" Amber asked in concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" James said, trying to hide the hurt in his voice.

"You seem kind of sad," Amber said.

"No, I'm alright. What about you?" Amber looked down at her lap. "Is everything okay?"

"Um. Not really, I need to talk to you about something," she said quietly.

"Okay? What is it?" James asked as he sat down on the couch.

"Do you love me? Do you really _love_ me?" Amber asked.

James swallowed hard, "Yeah, why wouldn't I?" He asked as he took her hand into his.

_The fire fades away_

_Most of everyday_

_Is full of tired excuses_

_But it's too hard to say_

_I wish it were simple_

_But we give up easily_

_You're close enough to see that_

_You're on the other side of the world to me_.

Amber shook her head as she pulled her hand away. "No you don't," she said with a frown.

"What do you mean?" James asked.

_On comes the panic light_

_Holding on with fingers and feelings alike_

_But the time has come_

_To move along._

"James, I've noticed the past few weeks how you've been acting. I wasn't sure if I should accept your proposal before and now I know why." Amber said.

"What are you talking about?" James asked, confused.

"I just got off the phone with Lindsay, apparently you two talked when you went over there."

"So? We talked, that was it." James said defensively.

"Yeah but it isn't. I've seen the way you look at her James, I know you don't love me, because you have feelings for her. Deep down I knew that was true but I didn't want to believe it. I knew there was a reason why I was doubting it and now I see why."

_The fire fades away_

_Most of everyday_

_Is full of tired excuses_

_But it's too hard to say_

_I wish it were simple_

_But we give up easily_

_You're close enough to see that_

_You're on the other side of the world to me._

"Amber.."

"No, it's fine. I get it, I was just the girl who was supposed to make you forget. I realize that now, which is why I think its best if I go." Amber said as she looked away from him.

"Go where?" James asked.

"I don't know, but all I know is this will be a mistake if we don't end it now. You can't just forget about someone you love James, and I know that. And if we stay together I'll know that you don't feel the way I do. You just did it because you know I loved you enough, but its obvious you don't feel that way, which is why I'm ending this now. I'm sorry James." Amber reached down and slid the ring off her finger, she took James' hand in hers. She placed the ring in his hand and then folded his fingers over it. "I still do love you, but I think this is best. I hope you understand." James just looked away. Amber swallowed hard as a lump grew in her throat, "Goodbye."

_Can you help me?_

_Can you let me go?_

_And can you still love me_

_When you can't see me anymore?_

With that she got up and walked out. James looked down at the floor as a fist formed around the ring. He'd just wished he could finally wake up. That this was all a dream and that it'd be over soon. He wanted to see Lindsay, the one who _loved_ him, if she even existed.

_The fire fades away_

_Most of everyday_

_Is full of tired excuses_

_But it's too hard to say_

_I wish it were simple_

_But we give up easily_

_You're close enough to see that_

_You're on the other side of the world to me._

* * *

Mandy and Jacob walked up to the room the doctor had directed them to. Before they walked in, Mandy stopped just outside the door. "Can I do this alone? Just to talk to her?" Mandy asked quietly. 

Jacob nodded, "Yeah," he said quietly.

_Thank you._ Mandy mouthed before walking inside. A frown spread across her lips as she saw Lindsay sitting at James' bedside. "Hey," she said quietly when Lindsay didn't turn to her.

Lindsay looked up at her, "Hey," she said in almost a whisper.

"How's he doing?" Mandy asked, motioning toward James.

"They said he'll be fine, they just don't know when he'll wake up." Lindsay said as she looked back at James.

"That's good. Well the 'he'll be fine' part."

Lindsay looked up at her and gave her a small smile.

"Sorry," Mandy said quietly. "How are you holding up?" she asked as she walked up beside Lindsay. Mandy placed a comforting hand on Lindsay's shoulder and squeezed it a bit.

"Just about as well as could be expected." Lindsay said, placing her hand over Mandy's and squeezing back.

"I'm really sorry, Hun. I know how overwhelmed you've been already. I'm sure he'll be okay." Mandy said as she sat down beside Lindsay in a chair. She placed a hand and Lindsay's arm, "He'll wake up on his own terms. You know James, always has everything his way." Mandy said with a comforting smile.

A small laugh escaped Lindsay's lips, "Yeah."

Mandy looked down at Lindsay's finger, she noticed the ring, the ring that hadn't been there before. "What's that?" Mandy asked.

Lindsay looked at her, then at the ring when she realized that's what Mandy was asking about. "Um..James gave it to me," she said quietly.

"_He_ gave it to you? How'd he do that?" Mandy asked in confusion.

"It's kind of complicated. He asked me to go to his house and I found it there with a note. I just don't know if he'd want me wearing it now."

"Lindsay, come on. You know that's not true. He loves you, psht I even know that before you did." Mandy said with a giggle.

"How'd you know that?" Lindsay asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Because I know everything, duh." Lindsay laughed, "No, I just felt it. The way he always looked at you, the way he acted around you, I just knew he did. He may not have wanted to admit it and you may not have seen it, but I knew it was there."

Lindsay smiled. "I just wish this hadn't happened to him. If anything, James doesn't deserve this. He was just trying to protect me, like he always has."

"It was just an accident, sweetheart. It was probably because of the weather, don't stress yourself out about it so much. I know James wouldn't want you to." Mandy said as she took Lindsay's hand into hers.

"Yeah," Lindsay said quietly as tears filled her eyes again.

"Linds, what's wrong?"

"I just..I hate to see him this way. He's seems so helpless, and he's hurt. I just can't help but blame myself for it. I don't want to believe it but you know if it weren't for me he'd be fine." Tears began to fall down her cheeks again, "I just wish everything didn't have to be so complicated."

Mandy wrapped her arms around Lindsay and hugged her. She stroked her hair, "It's not your fault, Lindsay," Mandy said reassuringly. A sob escaped Lindsay's lips once more.

"She's right you know-" Mandy and Lindsay looked up, and over at James. "It's not your fault," he said almost in a whisper.

"James?" Lindsay asked as she felt her breath get caught in her throat.

James forced a smile onto his lips as he looked up at her. Lindsay pulled away from Mandy and leaned over. She gently stroked his hair as he looked up into her eyes. "I thought I'd lost you," she said as a tear slid down her cheek.

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere and I've got to keep my promise."

"What's that?" Lindsay asked.

"I asked you to marry me didn't I?" James asked with a smile.

Lindsay smiled as she looked down at him. She leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you," she whispered.

James' smile grew wider, he opened his mouth to say something but Lindsay put her finger to his lips.

"Shh.., I know." Lindsay said before she leaned down and kissed him again, this time more passionately.

* * *

After a few minutes Mandy and Jacob walked into the room. "Alright you two, break it up." Mandy said as the reached James' bedside. 

Lindsay smiled down at him as she pulled away. She took his hand into hers as she turned to Mandy and Jacob.

"How are you feeling?" Jacob asked James.

"Fine. I'm feeling much better now," he said as he looked over at Lindsay. He squeezed her hand lightly as she smiled down at him.

"That's good, we're glad you're alright." Mandy said with a smile. "Well I can see we're interrupting something here, we'll leave you two alone," she said with a smirk.

Lindsay laughed, "Okay, thanks Mandy."

"Anytime, Hun. We'll stop by the house when you get back?" she asked James.

He just nodded as the two of them walked out.

"I'm really glad you're okay." Lindsay said as she looked back down at him.

"I'm just glad to be able to be back and that everything's okay."

"Me too." Lindsay said quietly.

"And I'm glad you accepted, you did accept it right? Otherwise I'd feel like a total idiot right now."

A small laugh escaped Lindsay's lips, "Of course, there's nothing else I'd want more."

James smiled up at her, "Good."

Lindsay stood up and sat down beside him on the bed. She laid down next to him, laying her head upon his shoulder. He smiled down at her as he brought her hand to his and kissed it softly. "I love you," he whispered to her.

"I love you more," Lindsay said as her lips went crashing into his.

* * *

**Songs:**

1. _Run_ by Snow Patrol

2. _Other Side of the World _by KT Tunstall


	9. The Best Deceptions

(January 11, 1935 – James' house)

Lindsay stumbled through the doorway almost falling over as she set the bag onto the floor. She heard a small chuckle escape James' lips as he followed her inside. "What's so funny?" she asked.

"I told you I could carry the bag, it's only a sprain you know."

"Well I don't care what it is, the doctor said you need to take it easy for a few days and I'm going to make sure of that." Lindsay said as she followed James over to the couch.

James sat down on the couch, a pained expression appeared on his face as he sat down, practically collapsing onto the couch. A small groan escaped his lips as he situated himself until he was comfortable.

"Are you alright?" Lindsay asked, worry apparent in her voice.

"Yeah I'm fine, just sore," he said quietly as Lindsay sat down beside him.

She began stroking his hair as she gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry," she said, almost in a whisper.

A small smile spread across James' lips as he took her hand into his, "I've already told you there's nothing you need to be sorry about, Lindsay."

Lindsay averted her eyes so she didn't look into his, it was hard enough seeing him hurting at the moment. Just then James reached over, brushing some hair out of her face. He placed his hand behind her head, slowly pulling her close, his lips crashing into hers. Lindsay felt her heart leap within her chest as he kissed her passionately. It'd been so long since they'd been alone, unafraid of wandering eyes. Chills ran through her spine as James' other arm wrapped around her, pulling her closer. She smiled slightly as the two of them pulled apart, gently she laid her head upon his shoulder. James wrapped his arm around her as she cuddled up close to him. He placed a kiss upon her forehead as the two of them sat there in the silence. "I love you," he whispered, only to discover that Lindsay had fallen asleep. James smiled slightly as he massaged her arm a bit as he stared off into space, dozens of thoughts running through his mind.

* * *

The two of them made their way upstairs, making their way through the dark. They'd just woken up only moments ago after falling asleep together downstairs that afternoon. After they walked into the bedroom, James sat down on the end of the bed. Lindsay crawled up onto the bed behind him, gently wrapping her arms around his neck. She kissed his neck lightly before resting her chin upon his shoulder. "Are you tired?" she whispered.

James shook his head, "No," he said with a sigh.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," James said quietly.

A frown spread across Lindsay's lips, "Okay," she said, trying to hide the disappointment. James hadn't spoken a word to her about the accident, besides to tell her it wasn't her fault when she'd apologize. Lindsay swallowed hard before pulling away, "I'm going to go take a shower." She got up off the bed and made her way into the bathroom.

James frowned as Lindsay walked off, he'd known he was being distant the past few days, but all he had wanted was to forget about the accident; at least to make it easier for Lindsay, but it only seemed to upset her that he wasn't talking to her. He stared down at the ground as he breathed in deeply. He'd been considering whether or not he should tell her about the dream he had, but he was afraid it would only make things worse than they already were. He sighed before he stood up and walked into the bathroom.

Lindsay turned around as she heard the shower door slide open, "James what are you-" she began to ask before his arms wrapped around her and his lips came crashing into hers. Startled a bit she pulled away, their lips only inches away. Lindsay wasn't sure if she was ready to go back to the way they were quite yet, but her temptation got the best of her. She breathed in deeply before wrapping her arms around his neck, her lips crashing into his as she pulled him close.

* * *

The two of them laid quietly in the dark, their bodies tangled under the cold sheets. Neither of them knew what to say, but they both knew what was on each others' minds. Breathing in deeply, Lindsay hesitated before lifting her head so she was looking at James. "James?" she whispered quietly, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?" he asked as he looked down so he was looking at her.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it but- what happened?" she asked. "We haven't really talked about what happened the past few days."

James sighed, "I didn't want to bring it up, and I thought it'd be best if I didn't, for your sake. I know it has been hard for you and I just didn't want to mention anything about."

Lindsay swallowed hard as a pained expression crossed her face, "I haven't really wanted to, but we can't keep running from it. With what happened...I just don't think we can forget about it. There are still some things that are unsaid."

"Like what?" James asked, though he already had a good idea of what she'd ask about.

"Well you haven't said a word about your accident. And I'm just worried," she said. "It isn't me is it? I didn't do anything to make you not want to talk to me, did I?"

"No, that's not it. It's just-" James let out a sigh, "I don't know what to say. There really isn't much else to say."

"Was it because of me?" Lindsay asked sadness apparent in her voice.

James swallowed hard as he looked away from her, staring over at the wall for no apparent reason.

Lindsay felt the tears fill her eyes as he looked away from her. Her lip began to quiver a bit as they lie there in the silence.

The truth was that James had only been thinking of her and what had happened between them. But he didn't want her to think it was her fault. He felt her try to pull herself away a bit from his grasp. James put his hand under her chin and moved her head so she was facing him. Looking at the hurt on her face he felt a pang in his heart. "Lindsay it's not your fault okay? I just-"

"Yes it is..." she said as she pulled away. "If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have had to do that to Adam. He was your friend and you had to go as far as killing him because of _me_." Her voice quivered as she spoke.

"But I-" James began to say.

"No," she said as she shook her head. Her breathing was jagged as she breathed in deeply, tears began to fall as a small sob escaped her lips. She sat up so she was looking down at him, "You would be perfectly fine if it wasn't for me, James." She sniffled as she looked away. Lindsay pursed her lips as she shut her eyes tight, trying to hold the tears back. "I'm sorry," she breathed out before getting up. Reaching through the darkness she grabbed James' shirt before quickly putting it on and heading to the door.

"Lindsay…" James said as he sat up a bit.

She turned around as she grabbed onto the door frame. "Don't. I just-" a sob escaped her lips once more, "I need to be alone."

James looked at her for a second feeling defeated, quickly he turned onto his side so his back was to her.

Lindsay felt a pang in her heart as he turned his back on her. She shut her eyes for a moment as tears streamed down her cheeks. A lump grew in her throat and she swallowed hard. Turning quickly on her heels she walked out, the door slamming shut behind her.

* * *

James turned to see an empty space beside him, he sighed as he sat up. He swung his legs over the side of the bed before he tried to wipe the sleep away from his eyes. Walking into the closet he threw on some clothes and then made his way downstairs. There he found Lindsay curled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. A pained look crossed his face as he thought about what happened the previous night. Standing there he debated whether or not he should wake her. Afraid that she may not want to talk to him still he decided against it. She would talk to him when she was ready. He put on some shoes and walked over to the door. Opening the door he came face to face with Amber on the porch. "Amber…what are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you," she said. "Are you busy?"

Looking back inside at Lindsay he frowned before turning Amber, "No, not at all."

Amber stepped aside as he walked out, shutting the door behind him. They walked away from the house and over to a swing just off to the side of the yard. There was silence for a moment as they sat down. "I heard about what happened. Are you okay?" Amber asked in concern.

James stared at her for as he thought about the dream he'd had. "Uhhh...yeah." he said as he looked away.

"I'm glad to hear that." Amber said with a sympathetic smile. "Listen, I know you've been through a lot lately, but I wanted to talk to you about what happened to Adam."

James tensed up a bit, "Oh? What about it?"

"I just find it odd that it happened so abruptly. I mean, Adam and Lindsay were just starting to have problems, too."

"If you're suggesting Lindsay did it you're wrong." James said defensively. "I mean, I don't believe she did it at all. She'd never do anything like that." He looked back over at her, "I know it seems odd, but I've known Lindsay since we were kids and I just know she couldn't possibly do anything like that."

"People can surprise you sometimes," Amber said with a hint of hatred in her voice.

"Lindsay and I have always been friends, I think I know her well enough to say it's impossible." James quickly said.

"Okay." Amber said, not wanting to upset him in any way. "I didn't really come here to just talk about that."

"What else did you want to talk about?" James asked.

"_Us_." Amber said quietly. "What happened to us, I mean we were in love at some point right?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah." James looked down at his hands, not sure if that were really true or not. He'd been wondering the same thing. "Things just didn't work out in the end I guess."

Amber nodded, the two of them sat there quietly for a few minutes before she spoke up. "Was it me?" she asked quietly, sadness apparent in her voice.

"No." James said looking back up at her.

* * *

Lindsay slowly opened her eyes; she sat up and looked up at the clock. Out of the corner of her eye she saw someone outside. Walking over to the window she pushed the curtains away. Her brow furrowed as she saw James and Amber together.

* * *

Just then Amber pulled James to her and her lips went crashing into his. James was startled at what was going on, but for some reason he didn't feel like pulling away, at least not yet.

* * *

A gasp escaped Lindsay's lips as she saw the couple in a lip lock. _Why isn't he pulling away?!_ she thought as she continued to watch. She brought her hand to her mouth as a choked sob left her lips. Quickly she shut her eyes, unable to bear seeing the two kiss any longer. Turning on her heals she rushed to the stairs.

* * *

James pulled away, pushing Amber away from him. "I can't do this. I shouldn't be doing this." James shook his head as he realized what he'd done.

"What? Why?" Amber asked.

"I just can't. I have to go." James quickly said as he stood up to leave.

"Didn't you feeling anything?" Amber called after him. James continued to walk across the lawn. "So you felt _nothing_?"

James stopped dead in his tracks; he wasn't so sure about Amber now. Did he still have feelings for her?

Amber watched as he walked off and back into his house. A smirk spread across her lips as she stood up to leave.

* * *

Lindsay ran into the room, slamming the door shut behind her. She leaned against the door, tears streaming down her cheeks. Holding her head in her hands another sob escaped her lips. Wiping away tears she walked over to the dresser and began pulling out her clothes, tossing them upon the bed during the process. Grabbing her bag she began stuffing some into it. Quickly she pulled off the shirt and threw it onto the floor before getting dressed. After grabbing more clothes from the closet she brought them over to her bag. Just then the door opened and James walked in. "Lindsay…what are you doing?"

Without even acknowledging him she continued packing.

"Lindsay..?" James asked, worry apparent in his voice.

"I'm packing, what does it look like?" Lindsay asked somewhat coldly.

"Why?" James walked over beside her.

"I think its best that I go. After what has happened, and especially after last night, I think I should leave." Without even looking at him she walked over to the dresser where she pinned her hair up into a bun. As she looked into the mirror she saw the hurt look on his face. It made her heart break to see him like that, but at the same time she felt so angry. James had never done anything to hurt her before, she'd never felt so betrayed.

"Why are you taking everything?"

"I'm not going back to the house." Lindsay said as she walked over to the bed, still not looking him in the face.

"Lindsay if this is about last night I am so sorry. I didn't want things to end like that." James said, panic creeping into his voice.

"On some level you did, because you hesitated for a long time before answering my question. And to tell you the truth, I'd never felt so hurt before. Not even after I thought you were going to die." Lindsay said bitterly. "There's **nothing** you can say to excuse any of it. I'm leaving and that's that." She quickly grabbed her bag and headed toward the door.

"Lindsay don't do this…" James pleaded.

For the first time she looked at him and in that moment she didn't feel hurt at all when she saw his face. The only thing she felt was hatred at that point, she couldn't believe he'd go off and see Amber behind her back. Everything he'd said to her was a lie and she couldn't help but feel angry. She swallowed hard before she looked away. "I'm sorry," she breathed out before walking out of the room.

James heard the front door slam shut. He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. As he looked up he saw something shining out of the corner of his eye. Lying upon the night stand was the ring he'd given to Lindsay only a few days ago. In that moment he knew she must've seen him and Amber outside. Not even what had happened the night before would tear them apart so fast. He grabbed a picture frame from the night stand and threw it across the room in anger. It collided with the mirror causing it to shatter as it came crashing to the floor. James crouched down and sat upon the cold floor, holding his head in his hands.

* * *

Lindsay stormed into the foyer, the sound of the door slamming shut echoed through the entire house. "Lindsay?" Mandy called as she walked out of the kitchen, "What's all the commotion about?"

Lindsay shook her head as she headed to the stairs, "I don't want to talk about it right now Mandy."

"Lindsay…what happened?" Mandy asked comfortingly.

Sighing deeply Lindsay stopped dead in her tracks before turning on her heels to face Mandy. "It's just this stupid thing with Amber."

"You mean what happened with James last weekend?" Mandy asked, rather confused.

Lindsay shook her head, "No, I ran into her while I was out."

Mandy frowned as she looked up at Lindsay before walking up the stairs to where Lindsay was. "You okay?" she asked as she placed her hand on Lindsay's arm.

Lindsay looked down at the floor, "Not really."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mandy asked. Lindsay stood there silent, "I made cookies, maybe that'll make you feel better." Mandy said with a smirk.

"Wait, you baked?" Lindsay asked.

Mandy laughed, "I'm trying okay…"

"Hmmm do I want to be the first victim?" Lindsay said with an arched eyebrow.

Mandy slapped her arm playfully, "Hey!"

Lindsay laughed, "I'm only kidding. Let's go." She linked her arm with Mandy's before they headed to the kitchen.

"Mmm, they look good." Lindsay said as she sat down at the table.

"Are you serious or joking?" Mandy asked.

"I'm serious." Lindsay said with laughter in her voice. "You know it hurts that you doubt me so much…" Lindsay said as she clasped her hand to her chest.

"Oh shut up!" Mandy said with a laugh. Lindsay laughed as she picked up a cookie and took a bite from it. "So, what happened with Amber?" Mandy asked silently after a few minutes.

Lindsay sighed, "I went to see James." She said in almost a whisper.

"You did? What happened? What did he say?" Mandy asked.

"We didn't talk- he was with Amber. I suppose she saw me because she walked out after me when I walked off."

"Oh." Mandy said quietly.

Lindsay swallowed hard as a clump grew in her throat, she thought back to what had happened earlier that day.

_

* * *

Lindsay walked off down the street as fast as she could, now wishing she hadn't gone to James' house. Before she could turn the corner Amber came up behind her. Lindsay turned around and glared at her as Amber walked up to her. "What do you want Amber?"_

_"I just want to know what you're doing here."_

_"Why would that matter to you?" Lindsay asked._

_"Why? Because James has been hurting the last few days since you left him, but don't worry I've been taking good care of him for you."_

_Lindsay couldn't help but feel hurt, but she wasn't going to allow Amber to get what she wanted. "Why do you even bother? You know he doesn't have any feelings for you."_

_"Really, because that's not what he said to me last night when I asked him. Did you ever think maybe he doesn't have feelings for you? I mean you are the reason he almost died, he just won't admit it."_

_Lindsay pursed her lips as she looked down at the ground, "You really think I'm going to believe you?"_

_"Oh I think you do, deep down you know it's true. If it wasn't_ _for you James wouldn't have almost lost his life and Adam wouldn't be dead. Isn't that what you told him the last time you saw him?"_

_Lindsay glared up at Amber, even though she didn't want to admit it, that's exactly how she'd felt the past few days. She just wanted to get away from Amber now, "Well I guess there's no reason for me to stay here then, right? You have James again, so there really is no reason for you to worry about me anymore." Lindsay said as she turned on her heels and walked off._

_A smirk grew on Amber's lips as she watched Lindsay walk off; she turned and walked back to the house._

* * *

"I'm sorry Lindsay." Mandy said comfortingly after Lindsay finished explaining what had happened. "She really has no right to do this you know, and none of that is true and you know it. Maybe you should try and talk to James…it might help."

Lindsay shook her head, "I don't think so Mandy, it's too late for that. I don't think I could even let him back in again. I just wish we could take it all back…Adam wouldn't be dead and things would've been okay between us, even if we were just friends." Lindsay felt tears well up in her eyes as she spoke.

"I don't believe that for a second Lindsay, I'm sure James wouldn't want to give up these past few months for anything. You two love each other, you both know that, you just need to try and work things out." Mandy said as she took Lindsay's hand into hers.

"It's not that simple anymore, I know he thinks it's my fault Mandy. He just won't say it to my face." Lindsay felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks. "And if I meant anything to him he wouldn't be spending his time with Amber right now. He'd be trying to work things out, so as far as I'm concerned there's no reason for me to talk to him ever again." She said before she stood up and walked out of the room.

Mandy frowned as a sigh escaped her lips, she had to try and fix things for Lindsay. Her friend deserved better than this.

* * *

Mandy took a deep breath before she knocked on the door. She waited for a few minutes as no one answered. A frown appeared on her lips, she hesitated for a second before she opened the door herself. Walking inside she noticed all the furniture was upturned and glass strewn across the floor. She sighed before heading up the stairs. Within a few moments she walked into James' bedroom, the first thing she noticed was the shattered mirror that lay upon the floor. Glass had covered the floor before it; she frowned as she picked up a picture that was hidden beneath the glass. Wiping the glass away she realized it was a picture of Lindsay and James. She remembered the day it had been taken because she'd taken it; it was from their trip after they'd graduated. Mandy remembered feeling like a third wheel half the trip since Lindsay and James had seemed rather close that week. "What are you doing here?" Mandy practically jumped as she heard the voice behind her. Turning around she came face to face with a grief stricken James, he looked as if he hadn't slept in days. "James, are you okay?" Mandy asked with a frown upon her face.

"Am I okay?" he asked in disbelief. "I lost the love of my life because I screwed up, how do you think I feel Mandy?"

"You haven't lost her entirely James, you two just need to talk. I'm sure you two can work things out." Mandy said hopefully.

"She doesn't want to talk to me." James said as he looked down at the floor.

Mandy walked over to him, "I know things have been hard for you two these past few days, but you haven't tried talking to her at all James. As much as she doesn't want to admit it, she's been hoping everyday that you'd be the one walking through her door. Things haven't been easy for her James, she's been hurting too. I hate seeing her like that, and I think if you just try talking to her, you two could make things better."

"I don't know, Mandy. I don't think she wants to see me." James said quietly.

"Trust me she does, but if you wait any longer you just might lose her forever. Every day you waste not talking to her, the more she'll give up on you two."

James sighed, "You really think I should?"

Mandy just nodded, "I think it'll help. You two can try and work things out finally, I'm sure you two will be back to normal in no time. She loves you James, you know that, and you the same for her, and I don't see how you two couldn't fix things."

"Okay."

"Okay." Mandy whispered, before she walked past him.

"Mandy?" James called after her.

"Yeah?" she asked as she turned around.

"Thank you." He said quietly as he tried to smile back at her.

"No problem." Mandy said with a smile before walking down the stairs.

* * *

Lindsay sat by the window, watching the rain pour down outside. She hated that she hadn't been able to try and move on yet. As much as she didn't want to believe it, she knew that she didn't really mean anything to James anymore. He hadn't even bothered to try and talk to her at all and to top it off he was with Amber the whole time. It was times like these, when she couldn't help but cry when she thought of him and how much he'd hurt her that she really did wish that they hadn't said their feelings that night. They would still be friends at least, and not torn apart like they were now.

Lifting her head she heard steps coming into the room, quickly she wiped away the tears before Mandy walked in. "Hey," she said quietly as she looked up at Mandy.

"Hey, Linds." Mandy said as she walked over and sat beside Lindsay. "You okay?" she asked.

Lindsay nodded, "Yeah," she choked out.

"It's going to be okay Lindsay, I promise." Mandy said comfortingly before Lindsay leaned her head upon Mandy's shoulder. Gently Mandy stroked Lindsay's hair, "Things will get better sooner or later, you'll see."

"I hope so," Lindsay said as she sniffled.

"You know I've been meaning to talk to you about something." Mandy said after there was silence.

"About what?" Lindsay asked.

"Um, I haven't really told anyone this yet, but I thought I could tell you." Mandy said nervously.

Lindsay sat up so she was looking at Mandy, "What is it?"

Mandy gave her a small smile, "I-" Mandy swallowed hard, "I think I'm pregnant."

A smile grew upon Lindsay's lips, "That's great Mandy!" she said excited as she hugged her. After Mandy didn't say anything she pulled away, "It is right?"

Mandy looked down at her lap, "Yeah, I guess so. I just don't know how to tell Jacob. He's been kind of distant lately with what happened to Adam."

Lindsay smiled as she rested her hand upon Mandy's, "I'm sure he'll be very happy to hear that Mandy."

"Yeah. I hope so." Mandy said quietly. "Um I need to go do something real quick, I'll see you later?"

"Yeah," Lindsay said as her brow furrowed. "Everything's okay right?"

Mandy nodded, "Yeah, I just need to go see someone real quick before it gets dark."

"Okay." Lindsay said as Mandy stood up and walked out of the room.

* * *

Mandy knocked on the door as she stood outside on the porch. After a few moments Amber answered the door. "Mandy…hey." She said with a smile.

"We need to talk," Mandy said gravely.

"Okay? Come on in." Amber said. "What do you need to talk about?" she asked as she shut the door behind Mandy.

"James and Lindsay." Mandy said simply.

"What about them?" Amber asked.

"You need to stay away from them Amber, you're only making things worse."

"I'm afraid I can't do that." Amber said as she walked into the other room.

"Why not? There's no reason why you should need to bother them, they were okay until you came along last week." Mandy said defensively.

"Maybe I'd like to see if James and I have a chance again. Why do you always defend Lindsay anyways? I've been broken up every since James left me, but you were too worried about Lindsay and her stupid mistakes. Everything was fine until she opened her big mouth." Amber said bitterly.

"For your information, she didn't say anything until James did. He's loved her for awhile now Amber; he was just using you to get over her."

"Oh right, that's why we've been together for the past few days." Amber said with a smirk.

"You know that's a lie. He wants to be with Lindsay and you know it, you just won't let it go. He hurt you and that's the only reason why you're messing things up for them. If anything we were all fine until you and Adam came along." Mandy said harshly.

"Really? Well if Adam hadn't come along then Jacob wouldn't have either." Amber said as Mandy scoffed. "It'd probably be best if he hadn't anyways…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mandy said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." Amber said stepped closer to Mandy. "You know it'd be a shame if he found out about what you did behind his back."

Mandy swallowed hard as a lump grew in her throat, "I don't know what you're talking about…" she said nervously.

"Yes you do, and you know it'd ruin everything if he found out. Stay out of my business and he won't ever find out." Amber said as she glared at Mandy.

Mandy glared at Amber before she rushed out the door, slamming it shut behind her. She walked out onto the walk way, the rain began falling down around her. Mandy walked over to the street trying to get away as fast as she could. After awhile her tears began to mix with the rain drops that pelted down on her face. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked on down the dark street.

* * *

Lindsay walked out of the bathroom and over to the vanity. She sat down and started brushing her hair out. Lately she'd been feeling sick and she didn't really know why, she figured it was from stressing out so much. A sigh escaped her lips as she stared back at herself, she looked horrible. She hadn't stopped crying for days and she just couldn't move on yet. It hurt too much to think of him, but it was so hard to forget him. Lindsay held her head in her hands as tears filled her eyes once again. She looked up as she heard footsteps coming into the room. Slowly she turned around in her chair, "James?" she said in almost a whisper.

James tried to force a smile but failed when he looked over at Lindsay. He knew she'd been just as broken up as he'd been, but he couldn't stand to ever see her upset. He looked down to the floor, "Hi," he said quietly, unsure of what else to say.

* * *

Lindsay lay on her bed, tears falling down her cheeks as she stared at the wall. She hadn't moved since that afternoon when James had come over. A sob escaped her lips as she thought back to what had happened, it wasn't what she'd expected. Part of her felt relieved when she saw him standing before her, but even then she knew it wouldn't end too well. Too much had come between them and after a while she'd lost any hope of them fixing their relationship. Mandy kept telling her not to give up, but it was too hard not to. Lindsay wiped her eyes with her sleeve and sat up, she headed towards the bathroom, just then she heard the door slam shut downstairs. Ignoring it she walked into the bathroom and washed her face. She frowned as she looked up into the mirror, her eyes were red and her face was all flushed, not to mention the dark circles under her eyes. She hadn't slept in days, her stomach had been in knots wondering if James would ever come to talk to her, and he finally had.

Mandy walked into the house, her clothes were soaked and her hair had stuck to her face. After a while she hadn't cared, all she wanted was to get back home to Jacob. Even though things hadn't gone how she'd planned with Amber, tonight was the night she'd tell him about the baby. She hung up her jacket in the closet then headed upstairs to change. No one was around at the moment which worried her. As she came to the top of the stairs, James nearly knocked her back down. He rushed past her and out the door; she swallowed hard as she headed towards Lindsay's room, already knowing what she might find. Quietly she knocked on the door, "Lindsay, it's me. Open the door, Hun." She heard a muffled sob from inside, "Lindsay…" As Lindsay opened the door, Mandy frowned as she looked at Lindsay's tear stained face. She reached out and wrapped her arms around Lindsay as her friend nearly collapsed into her arms. "I'm so sorry," whispered as Lindsay held onto her now.

"Part of me knew it would happen, I just didn't think it would hurt this much." Lindsay whispered.

"I know." Mandy said quietly as she pulled away. She pushed away some hair that had stuck to Lindsay's face. "I really thought you guys could've worked it," a sigh escaped her lips, "Just goes to show how much I know."

Lindsay tried to smile before she took a deep breath. "I didn't want to believe it would happen like this, but I started to give up when he didn't come. There was just too much going on between us for it to work."

Mandy pulled her over to the bed; they sat down beside one another. She wrapped her arm around Lindsay as her friend laid her head upon her shoulder. "I really wish I was right," Mandy said quietly while she stroked Lindsay's hair.

"Me too," Lindsay said through more tears.

_

* * *

Lindsay looked up into the mirror once more as she heard footsteps coming into the room. She turned around in her chair when she realized who was standing there, "James?" she said in almost a whisper._

_James tried to force a smile but failed when he looked over at Lindsay. "Hi," he said quietly._

_"Hi." Lindsay said as she looked down at her lap._

_"Um, I know I should've come by earlier, but I-" James started to say, "I figured you didn't want to see me just yet."_

_Lindsay shook her head, "No, I'd been waiting for you to ever since I got here."_

_James swallowed hard, "About that night...I didn't want things to happen like that. I don't blame you for anything Lindsay; it's my own fault everything's screwed up."_

_"Really? Because when I asked you, you seemed to believe it was my fault." Lindsay said a little bit more coldly than she'd anticipated._

_"I know and I'm sorry, but that's not what I wanted you to think. It's just-" he took a deep breath, "Right before everything went black, all I could think of was __**you**__. And how much I wish I could've changed the things I'd done that night." James gave her a small smile, "And how much I just hoped I'd be okay, and I could see you again."_

_Lindsay felt tears well up in her eyes, "Why didn't you say that before?"_

_James shrugged, "I don't know."_

_Lindsay scoffed, "How long did it take you to think that one up then?"_

_"What?" James said as his brow furrowed._

_"If that's really what you were thinking of, then why didn't you say it? Did you want me to blame myself for everything? Did you just want me to feel the way you did when I asked you to leave that night?"_

_"No, of course not," James said as he shook his head. The two of them stood there in silence for a moment before James spoke up again. "Why did you leave?"_

_"I told you why I left."_

_"Right, because it wasn't the right time for us to be together." James said as he looked back at her, "That wasn't why and you know it."_

_"And you know why?" Lindsay said as she crossed her arms over her chest._

_"It's because of what Amber did, isn't it?" James said matter-of-factly. Lindsay looked away from him as he said this. "That is it, isn't it?"_

_Lindsay clenched her jaw as she continued to stare off at the wall. She looked back up at James, "Yes, that is why." James nodded his head, "How do you think it made me feel to see you kissing someone else?"_

_"She kissed me Lindsay, it meant nothing." James said defensively._

_"Really? So is that why you pulled away right after she did it? You wanted her to and you know it," Lindsay said as she stood up and stepped closer to him. "I just can't believe you'd do that to me, behind my back."_

_"You think I've been doing that?" James asked in disbelief._

_"Why else would you have sat there and let her do it?" Lindsay asked. "I just can't believe you'd tell me all that stuff about how you had feelings for me when you still had feelings for her."_

_"I don't have feelings for her, Lindsay." James said, his voice rising._

_"Okay, so she's just been over at your house every day for no reason."_

_"We're just friends Lindsay, and unlike you she's been trying to help me through all this."_

_Lindsay stared at him in disbelief, "Unlike me?" she said with anger in her voice. "You wouldn't talk to me James," she said before she bit her lip, "you wouldn't let me in."_

_"Maybe I didn't want to just yet Lindsay."_

_"How can you accuse me of not trying when you didn't want to tell me anything?!" Lindsay said, the anger rising in her voice._

_"You just left Lindsay, for no reason. What else should I have done?"_

_"You could've come and talked to me here instead of talking to__** her**_._"_

_"How do you even know I was talking to her?" James challenged._

_"Because I came by your house today, okay? I wanted to try and talk to you about what had happened since you hadn't even tried yet. Guess I really didn't matter to you all that much."_

_"You don't matter? Then why the hell would I be standing here if you didn't Lindsay? You mean the world to me and I mean that."_

_"How am I supposed to believe that now James? You don't even bother to try and talk to me; instead you just figure I don't want to talk. And on top of that you're with your ex at the same time, what does that say about me?" Lindsay said as her eyes teared up a bit once more._

_"Damn it Lindsay. It didn't mean anything! She's just tried to be there for me these past few days okay? That's all it was." He sighed, trying to calm himself down. "She doesn't mean anything to me Lindsay, you're the only one I love, and you know that. If you believe just one thing I say, believe that, because it's the truth."_

_Lindsay turned away as a tear slid down her cheek, she pursed her lips as she tried to figure out what to say. She took a deep breath before she turned back around, "I just don't think this is a good idea anymore James. There's just too much that's happened between us."_

_"Lindsay, come on don't do this." James pleaded._

_"Well what do you want me to do James? You haven't been the same since the accident; you wouldn't even talk to me. I just don't see how you can't talk to me, but you can go and talk to her."_

_"I'm sorry Lindsay, okay? And you're right, a lot has happened between us, which is why I just wanted us to be able to forget about everything that had happened. I just wanted us to go back to the way we were."_

_"I don't know if we can go back to what things were before James." Lindsay took a deep breath as she looked down at the floor. "I don't know if I can do this anymore."  
_

_"Do what Lindsay? Adam's gone; we don't have to sneak around anymore." James frowned, "I thought that's what you wanted."_

_Lindsay looked back up at him, "Haven't you been listening to what I've been saying? Of course I wanted us to be able to be together without worrying about Adam anymore, but not at the cost of him losing his life, James. I didn't want him to die because of me."_

_James let out a frustrated sigh, "It wasn't your fault Lindsay; __**I'm**__ the one who killed him. I don't know why you keep blaming yourself."_

_"It is my fault James, if I hadn't told you how I'd been feeling, let alone invited you over that night, none of this would have happened." Lindsay pursed her lips as the tears blurred her eyes. "Sometimes I just wish none of it had happened, at least we wouldn't be like this right now."_

_James felt the anger building up inside of him as she said this. "Maybe it would've been best if I hadn't said anything either."_

_Lindsay looked back up at him, tears streaming down her face now. "James I-"_

_"What Lindsay? You didn't mean it? If didn't mean it you wouldn't have said it. If you feel that way, why am I even bothering?" James said, anger rising in his voice once more._

_Lindsay looked down at the ground as he yelled at her; she really wished things hadn't come to this. "If you can actually ask that, then I don't know why you're here."_

_"You tell me you want me to come here, but now you're telling me you wish we never were together. How do you think that makes me feel Lindsay? Do you see why I didn't come before?" He waited a moment as she didn't answer, "I didn't want things to come to this Lindsay."_

_"If you don't want us to fight then why are you yelling at me? I'm sorry I regret a few things I've done in my life, like marrying Adam. Like I said, I just wish he hadn't had to die because of me." Lindsay sighed, "It is all my fault, because if I hadn't let my feelings get the best of me we wouldn't be here right now."_

_"Fine Lindsay, it is all your fault. Us getting together, Adam dieing, my accident, it's all your fault. Is that what you want to hear?!"_

_"Stop it, just stop it." Lindsay said as tears began to pour again._

_"Well isn't that what you want to hear?" James asked, more coldly than he'd wanted. "You seem to want to put the blame on yourself."_

_Lindsay couldn't help but feel angry as he continued to yell at her. She just wanted it all to end, so she could get on her with her life now. "Well it seems to me that it is my fault, I was selfish. Now look what happened, Adam's gone and I almost lost you. I probably already have."_

_"Oh right, because I've been going behind your back this whole time with Amber. If it really were like that Lindsay I sure as hell wouldn't be wasting my time with two girls. I haven't spoken to before at all, at least before the accident."_

_"Why are you all of a sudden then? After everything she's done why are you letting __**her **__in. If you claim you love me so much then why can't you let me in? And as much as you don't want to admit it, you sure as hell enjoyed that kiss." Lindsay said with anger in her voice._

_James couldn't help but laugh, "Do you really believe that?"_

_"What else am I supposed to believe James? You kissed her!" Lindsay said angrily._

_"Lindsay it meant nothing!" James screamed._

_"A kiss always means something James. You can keep saying it doesn't mean anything but you and I both know it meant something to you."_

_"Fine it did mean something. And maybe I do have feelings for her still, why does it matter?" James said angrily._

_"Why does it matter? How can I be with you if you don't even care about me James?! You could have just said you had feelings for her before instead of making us go through all of this!" Lindsay said angrily as she stood before him now._

_"Fine, I do have feelings for her. I guess we just wasted those past few months then!" James screamed even though he really didn't mean it._

_Before Lindsay could stop herself she slapped James across the face. He looked back down at her in disbelief, barely believing she had actually done it. "Get the hell out." Lindsay spat out._

_"Lindsay-" James said, regretting everything that had happened now._

_"I said get out!" she screamed at him before pushing him toward the door. "I don't ever want to see you again!" she said with hatred in her voice. By now tears were pouring down her face._

_James looked down at her, he could see how much he'd hurt her this time, and he couldn't do anything else but blame himself. He looked at her once more before he turned away and rushed out._

_Lindsay brought her hand to her mouth, trying to muffle the sob that escaped her lips._

* * *

Mandy finished pinning up her hair before she headed downstairs. She felt bad for leaving Lindsay alone in the state she was in, but Jacob and her had had these plans for weeks now. The two of them were going to go out to dinner; she figured it would be the best time to tell him about the pregnancy. Quickly she put on her shoes then headed downstairs. "Hey," she said as she found Jacob downstairs. "Is everything okay?" she asked, a bit worried. He looked a bit distracted and upset at the moment.

"Yeah," he said quickly as he looked down at the ground. "Yeah, everything's fine," he said as he forced a smile and stood up. "You ready to go?"

"Of course," Mandy said as her smile widened.

Jacob walked over to the door and grabbed his coat before opening the door and walking out.

Mandy stood there for a moment, confused. She didn't know why he was acting like this; hopefully he would be over it before she told him.

* * *

The two of them walked into the house, Mandy noticed how quiet it was. She figured Lindsay had fallen asleep early, especially after what had happened earlier that day. Mandy hung up her coat before she followed Jacob into the living room. "Is everything alright Jacob?" she asked as she sat down beside him on the sofa.

"Not really," he finally admitted.

Mandy hadn't told him about the baby yet since he had been acting kind of distant that night. She didn't know why, but she knew it wasn't the right time to say anything quite yet. "What's wrong?" Mandy asked.

"Let's just say I heard something rather _interesting_ today."

"Oh?" Mandy said quietly, a lump grew in her throat as she began to think of it what it might be. "What's that?" she asked, not sure if she really wanted to hear the answer.

"Amber came by this afternoon," he said after a moment.

_

* * *

Jacob walked over to the door when the knocking continued. Quickly he flung it open, not really in the mood to talk to whoever it was at the moment. "Amber. Hi."_

_"Hey Jacob," Amber said with a grin._

_"Um, Mandy's not here right now. Maybe you should come by later," he said quickly._

_"Actually I'm here to see you."_

_"Oh? Okay, well come on in," he said as he stepped aside. Amber walked in and turned back around to face him. "What's up?"_

_"I just found something out today that I thought you should probably know about." Amber said solemnly._

_"What's that?" he said._

_"It's about Mandy. Listen I know it was a while ago, but I just thought you should know."_

_"Know what?" Jacob asked, starting to lose his patience._

_"A friend of mine stopped by today looking for her which I found rather odd. He said he knew her a while back."_

_"So?" Jacob said a bit confused._

_"He said the two of them were together before." Amber said quietly._

_"Oh. Who's that?" Jacob asked._

_"Jonathan Winchester." Amber said quickly._

_"I've never heard of him before." Jacob said with concern in his voice._

_"That's probably because Mandy didn't want you to know about him. They knew each other when you two first met."_

_"Oh." Jacob said quietly. "Were together beforehand?"_

_Amber shook her head as she frowned, "I wasn't supposed to tell you anything, but I felt that you should know by now. Mandy was seeing him when you two first met. I don't know what's going on between the two now, but they were together before."_

_Jacob stood there in shock; he opened his mouth to say something but couldn't find anything to say._

_"I'm sorry Jacob," Amber said apologetically. "It's probably not the best time to say anything, but I thought you should know the truth._

_Jacob just nodded his head as he looked down at the ground._

_"I should go, I really am sorry Jacob." Amber said as she rested her hand on his arm. With that she walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind her. As she stepped onto the porch a smirk grew across her lips._

_

* * *

I heard about your trip.  
I heard about your souvenirs.  
I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights,  
And the cool guys that you spent them with.  
I guess I should have heard of them from you.  
I guess I should have heard of them from you._

"She said a friend of yours stopped by her house today."

"What? Who?" Mandy asked in confusion.

"Does Jonathan ring a bell?" Jacob said a bit coldly.

Mandy felt her breath get caught in her throat as he said the name. "Um not really," she said quickly as she looked away.

"Really? Because as far as I can see you were with him while we were together." Jacob said bitterly.

Mandy pursed her lips as tears welled up in her eyes, "He didn't mean anything to me," she said quietly.

"Must've meant something for you to be able to have a relationship with him behind my back."

"I ended that a long time ago Jacob. I wasn't the same person then." Mandy said as she finally looked up at him.

"Still doesn't explain why you thought it was okay to get in bed with some other guy behind my back. Did I really _**not **_mean that much to you?" Jacob said with anger in his voice.

"No," Mandy said as she shook her head. "You mean everything to me Jacob, and I know what I did was wrong. I regret it every day I swear, but he didn't mean anything to me Jacob, I swear. I ended it after I knew we had a relationship." Mandy said as tears blurred her eyes now.

Jacob laughed in amusement, "I guess I know how much I meant to you then. I can't believe you've lied to me for this long."

Mandy put her hand on his arm as she tried to plead with him, "Jacob I know what I did was horrible, but I told you it hasn't happened for a while. I ended it after a month. I wasn't the same person then, I don't like who I was. But when I realized you were the one I wanted to be with I ended it Jacob." A sob escaped her lips as tears slid down her cheeks, "I love **you**, Jacob."

Jacob pulled away from her grasp and stood up, "I don't believe this," he said in disbelief. "How do I know you haven't been doing it right now, Mandy?" he said angrily.

_Don't you see, don't you see, that the charade is over?  
And all the "Best Deceptions" and the "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you.  
_

"I haven't Jacob, I swear. I really am _so_ sorry; I never wanted to hurt you."

"So you decided not to tell me? Don't you think you could have told me then so I could've known what I was getting myself into?" Jacob said as the anger rose in his voice.

"I didn't want to lose you Jacob; I knew I wanted to be with _you._ That's why I ended it, and I know it was a terrible thing but I really wish I could take it back." Mandy shook her head as she looked down to the floor, "_I'm sorry._" She said as she looked back up at him.

Jacob shook his head, "I can't do this right now, Mandy." He walked towards the door and grabbed his coat.

Mandy sprang to her feet, "Jacob don't go, please," she pleaded.

"I can't even look at you right now Mandy. I can't be here right now."

"Jacob please," Mandy said as her voice quivered. She grabbed onto his jacket, "I love you." She said as she leaned up and kissed him hard.

Jacob pulled her away from him, his hand resting behind her neck. "I'm sorry," he whispered before he let go of her and walked out.

_So kiss me hard 'cause this will be the last time that I let you.  
You will be back someday and this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service to keeping you away._

* * *

James walked into his bedroom, as he sat upon the edge of his bed he held his head in his hands. He couldn't believe how he'd acted that night, just for Lindsay's sake he wished he could take it back. He sighed as he thought back to everything that had happened that night.

_I heard about your regrets.  
I heard that you were feeling sorry.  
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us.  
Well I guess I should have heard of that from you.  
I guess I should have heard of that from you.  
_

* * *

Lindsay lie on her bed, grasping her pillow. She'd laid there ever since Mandy left, unable to sleep. Every once in a while she'd think of James which brought tears to her eyes again. She hated feeling this way, but she'd never felt so hurt as she had that night when they'd fought. It was now that she really wished nothing had happened between them.

_Don't you see, don't you see, that the charade is over?  
And all the "Best Deceptions" and the "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you._

_So kiss me hard 'cause this will be the last time that I let you.  
You will be back someday and this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service to keeping you away._

* * *

Jacob looked back up at the house once more before he turned on the car. He hated leaving her now, but he didn't want to say anything he'd regret. Reluctantly he turned the car on then drove off down the darkened street.

_  
I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers;  
I'll be all right when my hands get warm._

_Ignoring the phone,  
I'd rather say nothing. _

_I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.  
You're calling too late too late to be gracious you do not warrant long goodbyes._

_You're calling too late, you're calling too late, you're calling too late._

* * *

Tears poured down Mandy's face as the door slammed shut. She couldn't believe Amber told him, but that was just like her. Mandy didn't know why she had expected anything else. Slowly Mandy turned towards the stairs and made her way over to the steps. Mandy grabbed onto the railing as she stood before the stairs. She felt as though her legs would give way, but she'd wanted to get upstairs so she could talk to Lindsay. All of a sudden she felt a sharp pain in her stomach, she grabbed onto her stomach as she cried out in pain. She fell to the floor on her knees, a vase crashing to the floor beside her as she bumped into the table. As another sharp pain went through her she let out a scream once more, "_My baby,_" she breathed out before everything went black. Her body collapsing upon the floor.

* * *

Song:

_The Best Deceptions _by Dashboard Confessional


	10. No One's Gonna Love You

Tears streamed down Mandy's cheeks as Jacob rushed out of the house; the door slammed shut behind him. A sob escaped Mandy's lips as she leaned against the wall, allowing herself to fall to the floor. Mandy wiped away the tears from her eyes, she threw her head back, as she took a deep breath. She tried to calm herself down as she sat upon the floor. Her hand fell upon her stomach; she had only hoped that things would have been perfect that night so she could have told Jacob about the baby. Taking a deep breath Mandy stood up and slowly turned towards the stairs and made her way over to the steps. Mandy grabbed onto the railing when she was only a few steps from the stairs. Suddenly she felt as though her legs would give way, shaking the feeling off she started to walk towards the first step. She barely made it below the stairs when she felt a sharp pain in her stomach. She grabbed onto her stomach as she cried out in pain. She fell to the floor on her knees, a vase crashing to the floor beside her as she bumped into the table. As another sharp pain went through her she let out a scream once more, her breathing began to become jagged. Tears filled her eyes, "_My baby,_" she breathed out before everything went black, her body collapsing upon the floor.

* * *

  
Lindsay slowly sat up; she leaned back against her pillow as she propped it up. She'd been lying there for hours just staring up at the ceiling. Thoughts of what had happened that night running through her mind. Lindsay held her head in her hands as tears filled her eyes once more. It was at times like this when a part of her wished she hadn't let herself fall for James when she had. She hadn't really realized she had feelings for him until she was with Adam, and by then it was too late to mention anything. Only months ago she allowed herself to finally tell James the truth, but only after she knew he had felt the same way. It seemed so easy just to be with James, despite the fact that Adam was still around. She had to admit she loved every moment with him when they were actually happy together. However, it was when things like what had happened that night, that made her wish none of it had happened. If it hadn't, Adam wouldn't be dead because of her and she and James wouldn't have been torn apart either.

Lindsay sniffled as she slowly shut her eyes; she really wished everything could go back to the way it was. At least she wouldn't feel so upset like she did right now. Taking a deep breath she stood up and walked towards the bathroom. As she walked past the door to the bedroom she heard a loud crash downstairs, followed by a scream of pain.

In a panic she ran down the hall to the stairs. As she reached the landing she looked down at the bottom of the steps, stopping dead in her tracks at the sight before her. Lindsay felt her breath get caught in her throat as she stared down at Mandy's lifeless form upon the floor. Quickly shaking off the feeling she rushed down the steps and over to where Mandy was. Lindsay lifted Mandy upon her lap, "Mandy? Come on hun, wake up..." Lindsay cupped Mandy's chin as she turned Mandy's head so she was facing Lindsay. "Mandy, please wake up." Lindsay said breathlessly as tears filled her eyes again. Lindsay looked frantically around the room, _where was Jacob_, she thought to herself. "Jacob?" Lindsay yelled out. She sat there in the silence as she waited to hear his rushed footsteps, but everything in the house lay still.

* * *

As Jacob drove farther out of town, he couldn't help but to think of Mandy. The look on her face as he left her almost an hour ago broke his heart. He knew that what she'd done had happened a really long time ago, but it still hurt.

An exasperated sigh escaped his lips as he continued to debate whether or not he should turn back. A smile grew on his lips for a moment as he thought of the last time they were happy together, before everything had fallen apart. They hadn't really had any time to enjoy themselves since everything with Adam and Lindsay had happened, he'd hoped things would have gotten better so things could go back to normal, at least for him and Mandy.

_

* * *

_

The door to Mandy and Jacob's room flew open as the two of them blindly made their way inside. Jacob closed the door as he kissed Mandy on the lips. Mandy placed her hands on Jacob's shoulders and slid her arms down his shoulders as his jacket fell off. She then started to unbutton his shirt, kissing his chest lightly as she unfastened each button. As Mandy took off his shirt, Jacob pulled her close, bringing his lips to hers again. His hand ran down her back before he untied her dress and let it fall to the floor. Slowly they made their way over to the bed, and lay down. Mandy unbuttoned Jacob's pants and he quickly took them off.

_The two of them continued to kiss as their bodies lay tangled under the cold sheets. Jacob pulled away and began kissing Mandy's neck once more. "Jacob..." Mandy said quietly._

_"What?" he managed to say as he continued to kiss her neck._

_A small giggle escaped Mandy's lips as he continued to do so, "Come on…"_

_Jacob groaned a bit as he reluctantly pulled away, "What's wrong?" He asked as he looked down at her._

_"Nothing," she said as she shook her head. Jacob gave her a knowing look before she sighed. "I don't know, I've just been thinking about what you said the other night. About having a baby," she said as she looked away from him for a moment._

_Jacob frowned a bit, "Do you not want to?" he asked sadly._

_"No, no, it's not that," Mandy said quickly. "I mean, I'd love to, of course, its just – the thought kind of scares me sometimes."_

_"About having a baby with me?" Jacob asked in confusion._

_"No, just the thought of having a baby," Mandy said as Jacob took her hand into his._

_"If you're not ready it's okay," Jacob said in understanding. "I just want you to know that I want all that with you, I always have."_

_Mandy smiled up at him, "And I want that too, which is why I brought it up. I'd love to have a family some day, and I'm hoping that it'll be sooner than later."_

_A smile grew on Jacob's lips before he leaned down and kissed her. He pulled her close and kissed her neck lightly again as he wrapped her into his arms._

_Mandy wrapped her arms around his neck, "I will always love you," she whispered quietly into his ear._

* * *

  
Despite his best efforts to find a reason to leave, Jacob couldn't think of any reason why he'd want to leave her. He'd fallen in love with her the first moment he saw her, and it may not have been that way for her _then_, but he knew she felt the same way now. As he came to an intersection, Jacob turned his car around and drove back the way he came. He could only hope he hadn't upset her too much after he'd left.

* * *

Lindsay struggled to get Mandy out of the car as she pulled up in front of the hospital. She made her way into the hospital as best she could. "I need a doctor!" she said in a panic as she walked inside.

Two men walked up to her and picked up Mandy, placing her carefully on a stretcher. "What happened?" one of the men asked as they rushed through some double doors.

Lindsay quickly followed, "I don't know, I walked downstairs and found her unconscious." Lindsay stopped dead in her tracks as a thought came to her, "Oh my gosh-"

"What is it?" the other man asked her.

"She's pregnant," Lindsay said, panic rising in her voice. "You don't think it's because of that, do you?"

"It could be, but we won't know until we look at her. Why don't you sit in the waiting room, someone will notify you as soon as we know anything about her condition."

Lindsay nodded as she watched them disappear down a corridor. Her eyes filled with tears as she fell into a chair.

* * *

The front door flew open as Jacob rushed in. "Mandy?" he yelled as he walked inside. The only sound he heard was the sound of his echo in the foyer. A worried look crossed his face as he made his way upstairs. "Mandy?" he yelled out before opening the door to his bed room. The room lay still, the bed hadn't even been unmade yet, considering how late it was now. He made his way down the hall to Lindsay's room but found no one there.

Jacob walked back downstairs as the phone rang. He quickly answered it, "Hello?"

"Is this Mr. Jagielski?" the person on the other end questioned.

"Yes, this is him." Jacob said in confusion.

"This is Dr. Shepherd, down at Tree Hill Hospital. We admitted a Mrs. Mandy Jagielski about an hour ago. A Mrs. Lindsay Roe asked if I called you."

Jacob felt as if everything around him was spinning, "Is she okay?" he managed to choke out.

"She appears to be fine; we are waiting for her to wake up right now. Your wife was found unconscious earlier tonight, which after we looked over her I'm guessing it's from the amount of stress she was under. We'll need to run some more tests after she wakes up, but I don't see why she won't be fine."

"Okay, thank you. Can you let Lindsay know I'll be over soon?"

"Yes, I will."

"Thank you." Jacob said as he hung up the phone. He collapsed onto the couch, he sighed as he held his head in his hands. He couldn't help but think this had happened to Mandy because of him. Maybe if he hadn't left that night, nothing would have happened to her. A sigh escaped his lips once more as he ran his fingers through his hair. Quickly he got up and headed out the door.

* * *

Jacob ran through the door to Mandy's room, Lindsay looked up as she heard him come in. "Jacob..." she said quietly as she stood up.

Jacob gave her a small smile as he walked over and gave her a quick hug. "Is she okay?"

"I believe so, they haven't told me much considering I'm not her family or anything. They're just waiting for her to wake up now."

Jacob sighed, "This is all my fault." He said guiltily as he sat down in a chair beside Mandy's bed.

"How is this your fault?" Lindsay asked in confusion.

"If I hadn't left tonight, she probably would be fine. They said it was because of all the stress she was under."

"Jacob, she's been really stressed from the events this past month; it couldn't possibly be your fault." Lindsay said reassuringly.

"I just wish I hadn't left like that, I know it upset her." Jacob said as he held his head in his hands.

"I'm sure you two can talk everything out after she wakes up." Lindsay said as she placed her hand on his arm.

"Yeah, I just feel bad about how I reacted." Jacob sighed, "Lindsay?"

"Yeah?" Lindsay asked.

"Did you know about…you know? Jonathan?" Jacob asked sadness apparent in his voice.

A frown appeared on Lindsay's lips, she nodded slowly. "Mandy told me after she'd left him. She only asked that I never spoke of it though. It hurt her enough knowing she'd done it, the last thing she'd wanted was to hurt you; especially by that." Jacob nodded. "You know she loves you more than anything, right Jacob?"

"Yeah," he said with a small smile.

"You know, I don't know if this is my place to tell you this, but-" Lindsay paused for a moment as she looked down at her lap.

"What is it?" Jacob asked.

Lindsay took a deep breath before she took Jacob's hand into hers. "Tonight was more than just you two enjoying yourselves again, at least to Mandy. She had something she wanted to tell you."

"What did she want to tell me?" Jacob asked.

A small smile spread across Lindsay's lips, "She's pregnant, Jacob."

Jacob stared at her in astonishment for a moment as he took in what Lindsay had just said. "Really?" he asked quietly. Lindsay just nodded. A smile spread across Jacob's lips as he tried to figure out what to say.

"Well?" Lindsay prodded as she waited him for him to say something.

"I don't know what to say, I mean, I've wanted this for so long. It's just kind of hard to believe its finally happening."

Lindsay smiled, "Yeah."

* * *

(The next day)

Lindsay let out a yawn as the two of them sat there by Mandy's bedside.

"Why don't you go and get some rest." Jacob said in concern.

Lindsay shook her head sleepily, "No it's okay. Besides I don't want to leave, I want to be sure she's okay."

Jacob nodded, "Listen, Lindsay. I just wanted to thank you, for everything you did for Mandy tonight."

"What do you mean?" Lindsay asked.

"Well if it weren't for you, something might have happened to Mandy. God knows what would have happened by the time I got there."

"It's not a problem, I should be thanking you two for being so great to me with everything's that has happened." Lindsay sighed, "I've been thinking, maybe I should find a place of my own."

"Why would you do that?" Jacob asked, "You're always welcome to stay at our house."

"I know, and I really appreciate that, but – I don't want to be a bother to you two. I mean you're going to be having a baby soon, and I really need to move on from what's happened. I haven't mentioned anything to Mandy yet, but I think I might leave."

"Leave?" Jacob asked in confusion.

Lindsay nodded, "There's not much left for me here, with Adam gone. And I think I need to get away so I can move on."

"What about James?" Jacob asked.

"What about him?" Lindsay said as she felt a lump grow in her throat.

"It's obvious you two have feelings for each other. Why would you leave now, when you could start a new life with James?" Jacob asked.

Lindsay frowned, "Trust me; he made his feelings for me quite clear last night. That's not going to happen."

"Oh. Well I'm sorry, Lindsay. I know how much he meant to you."

"I think we lost our chance a while ago, it just wasn't meant to be." Lindsay said quietly as she looked down at her lap. "Um, I'm going to go get some coffee, want any?"

"Sure." Jacob said with a small smile.

"Okay, I'll be right back." Lindsay said as she stood up and walked out of the room. As she turned the corner she stopped there for a moment. She leaned against the wall as tears filled her eyes. Quickly she regained her composure and took a deep breath before walking down to the waiting area. As she walked through the door, she looked up, only to find the two people she really didn't want to see at the moment.

Amber walked through the hospital doors, with James right behind her. She scanned the room only to look eyes with Lindsay.

Lindsay quickly looked away and headed over to the counter. She asked for hers and Jacob's coffee, pretending not to have noticed the couple.

Just then James walked up behind her, "Lindsay?" he asked quietly.

Lindsay took a deep breath, "Yeah?" she asked. Not turning to face him at all.

"Listen I-" James said before Amber walked up.

"We heard about Mandy, is she alright?" she asked as she stood next to Lindsay.

Lindsay turned to her, "Yeah she'll be fine." She said with a small smile. "_No thanks to you_," she mumbled under her breath.

"What?" Amber asked.

"Nothing," Lindsay said as she shook her head. She grabbed the two cups of coffees, "Well I need to head back now, guess I'll see you two around."

"Well can't we go see her?" Amber questioned.

"They're only allowing a few people in the room at once," Lindsay said quickly. "Sorry," she said quietly before she turned and walked away.

* * *

Lindsay walked into Mandy's room with hers and Jacob's coffee, only to find him fast asleep. She walked over and set the cups down on the table. Lindsay leaned against the table as she took a deep breath. The last person she wanted to see right now, was James. She could try her best to avoid him, but even she knew he'd find a way to talk to her. She sighed as she picked up one of the cups of coffee and took a sip. Behind her she heard some rustling and turned around, "I brought you your coffe-" Lindsay stopped short as she looked over at the bed. "Mandy?" she asked quietly.

"What happened?" Mandy managed to say.

"Oh my gosh, thank god you're okay!" Lindsay said in excitement as she rushed over to the bed and wrapped her arms around Mandy.

"I might not be in a second if you choke me to death." Mandy said.

Lindsay pulled away, "Sorry," she said with a laugh. "You had me scared earlier."

"That's my job," Mandy said with a smile.

Just then Jacob stirred, he looked up sleepily. He sat up quickly as he looked over at Mandy, "Mandy?" he asked.

"Hi," Mandy said with a small smile.

A smile grew on Jacob's lips, "Hi…" he said as he stood up and walked over to her. He kissed her softly on the lips before he wrapped her in his arms. "Thank god you're okay," he said quietly. He finally pulled away as he sat down on the bed beside her. Jacob brushed some hair out of her face as he placed his hand on her neck. "I'm so sorry, Mandy. I shouldn't have left last night."

"It's okay," she said with a small smile as Jacob leaned down and brought his lips to hers. "Jacob I-" Mandy started to say.

Jacob smiled as he looked over at Lindsay, "I know."

"You know about the baby?" Mandy asked.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I ruined that all last night." Jacob said.

"Why are you sorry? She's the one who ruined it." Mandy said as she pointed to Lindsay.

"What?" Lindsay asked.

"I was so excited to tell him and **you **had to go and tell him." Mandy said matter-of-factly.

"Well sorry..." Lindsay said quietly.

Mandy smirked, "Aw I'm only kidding Linds."

Jacob laughed, "Well I'm glad she told me."

"Well at least someone is," Lindsay said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Mandy laughed, "I am too, okay?"

"You better be," Lindsay said.

Mandy smiled as she took Lindsay's hand into hers, "Thanks Lindsay, for everything."

* * *

(Later that night)

Lindsay finally stopped laughing as Jacob walked in. She and Mandy had been talking the past hour while Jacob was gone. Lindsay looked over to Jacob, "I'll let you take over from here," she said before she stood up. "I'll be right back," she said as she turned to Mandy.

"Okay," Mandy said with a nod as Lindsay walked out.

As Lindsay turned a corner she found herself running into someone else, she stumbled backwards for a second. "Oh sorry-" she said before she looked up and realized it was James. "Excuse me," she said quickly before walking past him. She started walking faster hoping he wouldn't try to stop her.

"Lindsay," James said as he followed her.

Lindsay stopped dead in her tracks; she closed her eyes as they began to water a bit. She took a deep breath, "What?"

"Can't we talk about what happened?" James asked quietly.

"I don't see any point in that, you made it very clear how you felt about everything." Lindsay said, still not turning to him.

James walked over to her, "Lindsay I didn't mean any of it, I was just upset."

"If you didn't mean it, then why did you say all of it?" Lindsay asked as she looked up at him with saddened eyes.

_It's looking like a limb torn off  
Or altogether just taken apart._

"If I could take it all back, I would Linds. I haven't been myself these past few days while you were gone, and I was just upset after you said we shouldn't be together anymore." James said.

"Well you can't take it back James, as far as I'm concerned you meant every word." Lindsay said bitterly.

"Lindsay, please, can't you just give us another chance? I mean, you accepted my proposal before, I thought we were going to be together finally." James said.

_We're reeling through an endless fall  
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was._

"That was before I realized that you still had feelings for Amber, James. I just- I can't be with someone who can't love me back." Lindsay said sadly.

"But I do love you Lindsay, you know that." James said pleadingly.

_But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do  
No one's gonna love you more than I do._

"I'm not so sure anymore James," Lindsay said as she shook her head.

James stood there, trying to find the right words to say. "Lindsay, please…"

_And anything to make you smile  
It is my better side of you to admire._

Lindsay just shook her head, "I _can't_ anymore," Lindsay sighed. "Don't you get it? You _**broke **_my heart James," Lindsay said as tears filled her eyes again.

_But they should never take so long  
Just to be over then back to another one._

A frown appeared on James' lips, he stood there gaping, trying to find something to say.

Lindsay looked down at the floor as she rubbed her arm nervously. She took a deep breath, "I meant what I said about not wanting to see you again James, and I'd like it to stay that way." She said with sadness in her voice before she walked past James down the hall.

_And no one is ever gonna love you more than I do  
No one's gonna love you more than I do._

* * *

Lindsay ran out to the front of the hospital, a cool breeze washing over her. By now the tears were pouring down her face, a small sob escaped her lips as she walked down the street.

_But someone,  
They could have warned you.  
When things start splitting at the seams and now  
The whole thing's tumbling down._

She didn't want things to be that way, but it was true, James had broken her heart. The last person she'd expected to hurt her had hurt her all the same. It was now that she started to think that maybe she should leave, to where she could forget about James and move on, if that were even possible.

_Things start splitting at the seams and now,  
If things start splitting at the seams and now,  
It's tumbling down  
Hard._

Lindsay walked over to the park that was down the street from the hospital. She sat down on one of the swings, dozens of thoughts running through her mind as she thought of all the times she'd been in the exact same spot. It had been hers and James' favorite place to go as kids, and even as teenagers they'd go there just to get away, wishing they could get away from everything. Hoping everything would go away and it'd be just them. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she thought back to one of those days.

_

* * *

_

"Come on James, push me, pleaseeee," Lindsay pleaded as he continued to refuse.

_"I don't want to Linds, besides you're capable of doing it yourself." James said as he leaned against the post._

_"You're so mean," Lindsay said as she looked away from him._

_James rolled her eyes, "And you're so dramatic, but I still hang out with you don't I?" James said sarcastically._

_Lindsay scoffed, "Well if you feel that way, I don't see why I hang out with you either." Lindsay said playfully as she stood up and started to walk off._

_"Lindsay, I was only kidding." James said as he walked after her._

_"Whatever," Lindsay said over her shoulder as she walked faster._

_"Lindsay, come on." James said in frustration. "I'm sorry okay?" Lindsay continued to walk faster, not even acknowledging him. James let out an exasperated sigh as h walked faster, "You can be so frustrating some times, you know?" He yelled. _

_Lindsay quickly turned around to retort but found herself falling to the ground as James bumped into her. "Ah!" she screamed as they tumbled over each other a few times. As they finally stopped, Lindsay was lying on top of James; they looked at each other awkwardly before Lindsay shook off the feeling. "Thanks for that," she said sarcastically as she tried to get up. James just laughed, "What's your problem today anyways?" Lindsay finally asked as she lay down on the grass beside him._

_"What do you mean?" James asked as he looked over at her._

_"I don't know, you seem kind of off today." Haley said as she played with a flower she'd pulled a moment ago._

_"It's nothing," James said. "I'm just having one of those days."_

_"Don't you mean one of those weeks, because you've been acting weird all week?" Lindsay said._

_James looked up at the sky, "It's nothing," he repeated._

_"Are you sure?" Lindsay asked._

_"Yeah," James nodded._

_"Can I ask you something?" Lindsay asked._

_"Sure," James said as he looked back over at her._

_"Do you think I'll ever find someone who actually _**loves **_me? I mean, every other guy I've dated doesn't really want the same things I do."_

_James swallowed hard as he felt a lump grow in his throat, "I think you will, some day." James said quietly as he looked back up at the sky._

_"I hope so," Lindsay said as she did the same._

_

* * *

_

Anything to make you smile  
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was.

A tear fell onto Lindsay's lap as she sat there thinking of that day. She never noticed how nervous James had been around her, never really thought why he would be either. She wanted to believe him about her feelings for her, it was obvious before, but she didn't want to open up again. She didn't want to be vulnerable, and maybe even get her heart broken again. Lindsay had wanted her relationship with James more than anything in the world, and now she'd lost all chances of that.

_I never want to hear you say  
That you'd be better off  
Or you liked it that way._

Lindsay sighed, if only things could be simple. That way she and James wouldn't have to worry about anything, and they could just be together like they both wanted. As much as Lindsay wanted to be with James again, she knew it wasn't worth it anymore. She'd hate to have to go through all the heartache they'd already gone through again. Maybe it was best if she left, she and James could both move on that way. In the end she just wanted him to be happy, and that's all that really mattered. He'd held a special place in her heart for years and even if they couldn't be together, she'd just like to see him happy.

_But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do  
No one's gonna love you more than I do._

* * *

Lindsay walked into Mandy's room, "Hey," Mandy said cheerfully with a smile spread across her lips.

"Hi," Lindsay said quietly as she sat down.

"What's wrong?" Mandy asked in concern when she realized something wasn't right.

Lindsay sighed, "I ran into James on my way out."

"Oh," Mandy said simply. "What happened?" she finally asked.

Lindsay just shrugged, "I just told him that what I'd said that night was what I really wanted. I thought it was best we just stayed away from one another from now on."

Mandy frowned, "Is that what you really want?"

Lindsay shook her head, "No, but I don't want to open that door again. It just seems pointless if we're both going to be hurt again."

"Well you know I want you to be happy," Mandy said as she placed her hand on Lindsay's. "Whatever you want, I'll be okay with."

"Thanks," Lindsay said quietly. "Listen, I talked to Jacob about this earlier, but-" Lindsay sighed. "With the baby coming, I don't want to be a bother to you and Jacob anymore. I think I'll go stay with my sister or something."

"Why? You're welcome to stay with us Linds; you're no trouble at all." Mandy said.

"Thanks, but I think it'd be best, for yours and Jacob's sake. Besides, I want to be alone for a while, to just get over all of this." Lindsay said.

"Okay," Mandy said the sadness apparent in her voice.

"You've been really great to me Mandy, and I do appreciate it, but I just think it'll be best."

Mandy nodded slowly.

_

* * *

_

But someone  
They should have warned you.  
When things start splitting at the seams and now  
The whole thing's tumbling down.

Lindsay packed up the rest of her things just as Mandy walked in. "You sure you want to do this?" Mandy asked.

Lindsay looked over at her and gave her a small smile, "Yeah."

"I'll miss you," Mandy said as she walked over and hugged Lindsay.

"I'm not going too far, Mandy. I'll come visit." Lindsay said as she hugged Mandy back.

"You better," Mandy said sarcastically.

Lindsay laughed, "Well I should go."

Mandy nodded sadly, "Yeah." She followed Lindsay out of the room, "Jacob's outside waiting for you." Mandy hesitated as they reached the front door. "You know you're always welcome here."

Lindsay nodded, "Thanks Mandy."

"Oh come here," Mandy said as she pulled Lindsay into another hug.

Lindsay laughed lightly, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more," Mandy said as she pulled away.

"I'm sure you will." Lindsay said as she picked up her bags. "I'll see you soon," Lindsay said with a smile as she walked out.

Mandy waved from the front door as Jacob and Lindsay drove off.

_Things start splitting at the seams and now,  
If things start splitting at the seams and now,  
It's tumbling down  
Hard._

**Song: **_No One's Gonna Love You _by Band of Horse


	11. Let This Go

Chapter 11

Let This Go

(One month later)

Tears streamed down Lindsay's face as she walked down the darkened streets of Tree Hill. A cold wind swept over her as she continued to walk, still unsure of where to go or what to do at this point. She felt as though her whole world was falling apart, Lindsay was still in shock from what had just happened. In a way she was happy, of course she was, but there was only one problem, _James._

Lindsay continued walking down the empty street, still lost deep in thought. Though she thought it wasn't the best idea, she knew there was only one place she could go. To the one person who would make her feel better about everything, and hopefully be there for her now, when she needed _him _most.

* * *

Lindsay walked up to the front door; she lifted her hand to knock on the door, but stopped when she heard the sound of laughter inside. She peered through the window and saw James and Amber sitting alongside each other on the couch. The two of them were laughing, looking as if they were having the time of her life. Lindsay tensed up a bit when Amber placed her hand on James' knee. She couldn't help but feel jealous of the fact that Amber finally had him now. Defeated, Lindsay turned on her heels and walked off.

* * *

(One month later)

James sat down on the edge of his bed, holding his head in his hands. He felt as if everything was falling apart. James still couldn't believe what had happened earlier that day. Though it hurt him, he knew that it was his own fault.

James thought back to the last time he saw Lindsay, the night he'd probably ruined everything. He had had his chance again to get her back, but he ruined that once more. There was a pain in James' heart as he thought about how hurt Lindsay had looked before she had walked away, maybe even out of his life _forever._

_

* * *

_

(One month earlier)

_Lindsay walked up to the front door; she lifted her hand to knock on the door, but stopped when she heard the sound of laughter inside. She peered through the window and saw James and Amber sitting alongside each other on the couch. The two of them were laughing, looking as if they were having the time of her life. Lindsay tensed up a bit when Amber placed her hand on James' knee. She couldn't help but feel jealous of the fact that Amber finally had him now. Defeated, Lindsay turned on her heels and walked away._

_Suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks; there was so much she wanted to say to James. In fact, she'd regretted letting him go and she'd soon realized how much she had wanted him back. If only she hadn't ruined her chances of that when she asked him to stay away from her after the last time she'd seen him. Lindsay sighed, she knew she had to at least try talking to him, even if Amber was there._

_Lindsay turned back around and made her way to the porch, she hesitated for a moment before she knocked lightly on the door. After a minute James appeared at the door, the smile from his face faded as he saw Lindsay._

_She could see all the pain in his eyes as he stared down at her. Still, she could see a small hint of happiness at her being there. A small smile spread across Lindsay's lips as she looked at him, "Hi," she said quietly._

_"Hi," James said, still surprised. He still looked down at her, not saying anything. James had wanted to apologize to Lindsay so badly the past month, but knew she wouldn't want to see him. He still couldn't believe she was standing before him now; he wanted someone to pinch him just so he was sure that Lindsay really was there. James cleared his throat, "Um what are you doing here?" he asked as he stepped outside and shut the door._

_Lindsay looked down at her feet nervously before looking back up at him, "I was hoping we could talk."_

_James looked at her in confusion, "Not that I'm not glad you're here Linds, but I thought you said-"_

_"I know what I said James," Lindsay sighed, "I was going through a lot then, just trying to get over what had happened between us. I know I asked you to stay away, but you don't know how much I wanted you to be there."_

_"Well I wanted you here too Lindsay, but I thought you wouldn't want to see me even if I tried." James said as he looked down at his feet. _

_Lindsay nodded slightly as she wrapped her arms around herself. She shivered a bit as a cold wind swept over them._

_"Do you want to come inside to talk, its kind of cold out here?" James asked in concern._

_Lindsay looked inside before she looked back at James, shaking her head. "No, it's fine."_

_James nodded slowly, not sure what else to say._

_"Um, I know it's been a while since we talked, but I kind of need to talk to you about something." Lindsay said quietly._

_"Okay," James said quietly as he waited for Lindsay to speak._

_Lindsay looked down at her feet, "Something happened today and I just-"_

_Just then Amber walked out, "What's __**she**__ doing here?" Amber asked coldly as she stood beside James._

_James could see the pain in Lindsay's eyes as Amber came out. He knew she'd probably suspected something was going on between the two of them. "Amber why don't you go inside," James said as he looked over at her._

_"I'm fine right here," Amber said as she wrapped her arm around James'._

_Lindsay looked down at her feet, "Um, I should go, its getting kind of late." Lindsay said quietly._

_"Lindsay-" James started to say._

_"Its fine, I get it," Lindsay said sadly as she turned to leave._

_James stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. He watched Lindsay walk off and knew that he couldn't let her go that easily, not _this_ time. Quickly letting go of Amber he rushed off after Lindsay. "Lindsay wait," James said as he grabbed her by the arm._

_Lindsay looked up at him, her eyes full of tears again._

_James felt a pain in his heart as he saw the sadness in her eyes. He hated seeing her hurting so much, and what was worse is it was because of him. James frowned down at Lindsay as tears streamed down her face, he reached his hand up to wipe away the tears. _

_Lindsay flinched a bit as he did this, but she soon let him continue to do so. She felt a shock run through her as his finger tips brushed against her cheek; just as she always did whenever he touched her._

_James wiped away some of the tears from her face, he cupped her cheek lightly as he gently lifted her head so she was looking up at him. "I'm so sorry," he whispered as he kissed her lightly on the forehead._

_Lindsay tensed up a bit as he kissed her; her eyes began to fill with tears again. She buried her face in James' shirt as he pulled her into his arms. Lindsay grasped James' shirt as a sob escaped her lips._

_James tried to calm her down, whispering in her ear softly just like he always had before._

_Lindsay took in his scent as she buried her face into his shirt again. She'd missed that smell, the smell of his aftershave mixed with his cologne. In fact, she'd missed everything about him; she couldn't help but give in as they stood there in each others arms. The fear of getting hurt again hung in the back of her mind still._

_James held her close, he kissed her lightly on the head as they stood there silently._

_As they pulled away, Lindsay looked back up at him. The next thing she knew his lips were crashing into hers, she stiffened a bit as he did this, but couldn't help but give in. It had felt like a lifetime since she'd felt his lips against hers. She'd stay there with him forever if she could. Suddenly, Lindsay pulled away from James' grasp. She shook her head, "I can't," she said quietly as she looked away. Though she had wanted to, she still didn't want to be vulnerable again. She couldn't get hurt again, especially not after what happened earlier that day._

_"Lindsay…"James said quietly as she pulled away from him._

_"I can't do this, not anymore."_

_"Lindsay, please." James pleaded. He grabbed her by the hand, "You don't know how much I've missed you these past few weeks. I know I ruined everything after what I did, but I would do anything to have you back."_

_"If it meant that much you would have at least stopped talking to Amber. That's part of the reason why everything fell apart between us, James." Lindsay sniffled, "Besides I don't want to open up my heart again, not if I'm just bound to get hurt again."_

_"Lindsay I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, you know that." James said defensively._

_"You already did," Lindsay said quietly as she teared up again. As James stepped closer to her, Lindsay stepped back. "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." Lindsay said before she turned and walked off._

_"Lindsay!" James yelled after her, but she continued to walk off. He sighed, feeling completely defeated. James walked back up to the porch, where Amber still stood, he took one look at her before he walked inside._

_"What was that?" she asked as she followed him inside._

_James stopped walking and turned to her, "I think you should go, Amber." He said flatly._

_"What?" Amber asked in confusion._

_James shook his head as he looked down at the floor, "I don't even know why I let you in again Amber. I was just fine until you came back into my life."_

_"James, I'm only trying-" Amber began to say._

_"What, trying to be there for me? You know that's not the reason, you just wanted to see Lindsay get hurt after what happened between us." James' hands soon balled up into fists as the anger built up inside of him, "I don't want anything to do with you anymore Amber."_

_Amber looked up at him in defeat; she grabbed her coat to leave before she turned around to face him again. "Can you blame me for trying? I loved you James, do you even know how it feels for someone not to love you back?" Amber asked a bit harshly._

_"Yeah I do now, thanks to you. Lindsay doesn't want anything to do with me because of you." James said with hatred in his voice. "Besides, I don't even know if I should believe what comes out of your mouth Amber. Last time I checked you didn't hesitate to sleep with another guy after we broke up." James shook his head, "There wasn't a chance for us the first time around and I can assure you there wasn't any chance now."_

_Amber glared at him before she opened the door and stormed out, the door slamming shut behind her._

_James sighed as he sat down on the couch, he ran his fingers through his hair as he thought back to what had happened only minutes ago between him and Lindsay. He had hoped that he could have had one more chance to win her back, but he'd lost his chance once more._

* * *

James sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. Everything was falling apart now, and he had no idea what to do. He thought back to what had happened earlier that day when he had went to try and talk to Lindsay again.

_

* * *

_

James walked up to Mandy and Jacob's house, he knocked lightly on the door. After a moment Mandy answered the door, a smile spread across her lips as she opened the door. "Hey James," she said brightly.

_"Hi Mandy. Um is Lindsay here?" he asked nervously._

_"Lindsay? She hasn't been here for months." Mandy said._

_"What? I thought she was staying with you." James said in confusion._

_Mandy shook her head, "She went to stay with her sister a few months ago."_

_"Oh," James said quietly. "Well I should go, thanks Mandy." He said before he turned to leave._

_"Bye James," Mandy said as she watched him walk off._

_

* * *

_

Walking up to the door, James hesitated for a moment. He knocked on the door and waited nervously for someone to come. After no one came he turned to leave, just then Lindsay's sister, Hannah, opened the door. "James?" she asked as she saw him walking down the steps.

_James turned around, and walked back up to the porch._

_"Hey," Hannah said with a smile spread across her lips as she walked over and hugged James. "I haven't seen you in forever." She said._

_"Yeah, how've you been?" he asked._

_She laughed lightly, "Just a bit busy with the kids."_

_"I can see that," James said as he heard a crash inside._

_"Gosh, I should get back inside. Did you need anything?" she asked._

_"I was just wondering if I could talk to Lindsay." James said._

_"Lindsay? She left a few weeks ago." Hannah said as her face dropped slightly._

_"What? Where'd she go?" James asked._

_Hannah shrugged, "I have no clue. She just said she didn't want to be a bother to anyone anymore. So she just left, took the first train she could get out of here."_

_James stood there in shock, "Oh." He said quietly._

_"I'm sorry James; I thought someone had told you." Hannah said quietly._

_James shook his head, "I should go." He said, still in shock._

_Hannah nodded, "I'll see you soon?"_

_James nodded before he turned to leave._

_"Bye James," Hannah called after him before she walked back inside her house._

* * *

James still couldn't believe that she was gone. It had been a few days since he'd found out, but he still was in shock. He didn't think Lindsay would ever do anything like that, but then again he hadn't made things any easier for her that night. James had had so many chances to get her back and God knows if he'd ever see her again now.

James stood up and walked over to his nightstand. He pulled open the drawer, revealing a photo of him and Lindsay inside. He took it out and looked down at it; a small smile appeared on his face. James had missed times like that when the two of them were actually happy. He swallowed hard as a lump grew in his throat, he couldn't help but think that he'd never see Lindsay again. He had no idea where she was and if there was any way he could find her. James felt his heart break at thought that maybe he'd even lost her _**forever**__._


	12. Oceans Away

_**A/N: **Hey guys! I know its been foreverrrrr since I updated! So sorry about that. Hope you all like this update though, its extra long lol. Thanks for the comments too!_

_P.S. Make sure to check my profile too, I posted the video I made for this chapter. Hope you all like the video too!_

Chapter 12

Oceans Away

(James' house – March 15, 1935)

_James still couldn't believe that she was gone. It had been a few hours since he'd found out, but he still was in shock. He didn't think Lindsay would ever do anything like that, but then again he hadn't made things any easier for her. James had had so many chances to get her back and God knows if he'd ever see her again now._

_James stood up and walked over to his nightstand. He pulled open the drawer, revealing a photo of him and Lindsay inside. He took it out and looked down at it; a small smile appeared on his face. James had missed times like that when the two of them were actually happy. _

_He swallowed hard as a lump grew in his throat, he couldn't help but think that he'd never see Lindsay again. He had no idea where she was and if there was any way he could find her. James felt his heart break at the thought that maybe he'd even lost her _**forever**_. _

It was then that James knew what he must do; he got up and walked out of the house.

* * *

Within a few minutes, he had pulled up in front of Amber's house. He rushed up to the porch and banged on the door. Amber came to the door, a glare formed on her face when she realized it was him. "What do you want?"

"I need your help." James said.

"With what?" Amber asked.

"I need help finding Lindsay." James said.

"Why would I want to help you?" Amber asked as she crossed her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes even more.

"Maybe because you screwed up mine and Lindsay's relationship." James said coldly.

"That's not my fault, it's your own." Amber said.

"Things would have been fine if you hadn't come along, Amber." James said, anger rising in his voice.

"Okay one, you come to ask for my help and then you start yelling at me? And if it's all my fault for your loss of Lindsay than why did you continue talking to me after she left?" James stood there, not sure of what to say. "That's what I thought." Amber said as she moved to close the door.

Just then James reached over and stopped her from closing the door. "Please, Amber. She means everything to me, and I know I messed everything up, but I just want to be able to see her again. I want to know if there's any chance for us again." James said with sadness in his voice.

Amber stood there for a moment, debating whether or not to help him. "Fine," she said after a moment. James sighed in relief. "But on one condition-" Amber said.

"What's that?" James asked.

"I want to actually know what's been going on between us. You always say it's my fault you screwed up your relationship with Lindsay, yet you still talked to me." Amber said. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, "And I want to know what you really felt about me, because the last time I kissed you it seemed like you felt something, even though you denied it."

James sighed, "Fine."

Amber stepped aside so he could come in, "Okay then." A smirk grew on Amber's face as she turned to shut the door.

* * *

(3 months later; June 21, 1935)

James continued to pace around the living room; his clothes were all wrinkled and he'd looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. His hands balled up into fists as he took in Amber's unfortunate news.

"I'm really sorry James..." Amber began to say before he whirled around, a look of rage upon his face.

"What do you mean you're sorry? You shouldn't have to be sorry Amber! You told me she was there and we'd finally found her!" James screamed at her.

"I said I _thought _she was there, I didn't know definitely. That's what they told me okay, I can't do anything about it if she doesn't want to be found James. Did you ever think of that?" Amber said bitterly.

"I don't care, I want to know where she is...damn it!" James said as he turned and grabbed a vase. He hurled it at the wall, the glass scattering across the floor into a million pieces. He stared down at the glass that surrounded his feet, thinking back to that dreadful night when Lindsay left him.

_

* * *

_

James heard the front door slam shut as Lindsay left. He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair; still in shock.

_As he looked up he saw something shining out of the corner of his eye. Lying upon the night stand was the ring he'd given to Lindsay only a few days ago. As he sat there staring at it, a feeling of dread and anger washed over him._

_It was in that moment that he knew she must've seen him and Amber outside. Not even what had happened the night before would tear them apart so fast. _

_He stood up and grabbed a picture frame from the night stand and threw it across the room in anger. It collided with the mirror causing it to shatter as it came crashing to the floor. _

_James crouched down and sat upon the cold floor, holding his head in his hands. He sat there in the silence, staring off at the sea of glass before him. Tears began to stream down his face as he continued to think of the look of betrayal and hatred that was upon Lindsay's face as she walked out. If only he wouldn't have been so stupid as to make her feel that this was all her fault, of course none of it was. _

_Everything had happened so fast and he didn't know what to do now._

* * *

Amber walked over to him and grabbed his arm, "Calm down James. We'll find her I prom-"

James tore his arm away from her grasp, "No, I won't calm down! All you have done is send me on a wild goose chase these past months!"

"James, I've been doing my best to try and find her." Amber said.

"Right, well you keep telling yourself that Amber, because I don't care anymore. I'm through with you and all your games. I'll find Lindsay myself." James said angrily as he turned to leave.

"James!" Amber yelled after him as she followed him to the front door.

He threw open the door and walked out before turning around to face her. "Stay the hell away from me and Lindsay, I mean it this time Amber. I'm done with all your crap!" James quickly turned on his heels and got into his car before speeding off.

* * *

(Mandy's house)

James knocked on the door as walked up to the porch. Within a few minutes Mandy came to the door; a smile spread across her lips. She looked puzzled for a moment before she smiled again, "Hi James, I didn't expect to see you here."

"Yeah, I was just wondering if we could talk. I know it's been a while, but it's kind of important."

"Of course, come on in." Mandy said as she stood aside.

As James walked in he finally took in her appearance. "Well you look a lot – bigger than you had the last time I saw you."

Mandy laughed, "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

James looked away for a moment, "No, sorry. It's just kind of odd considering I haven't seen you in a while. I'm so used to seeing you almost every day because of...you know." He said quietly.

"Yeah," Mandy nodded. She walked over to the living room; James close on her heels, "Do you want anything to drink or eat? I just made some cookies." Mandy said as her smile widened.

"I don't know is it safe?" James said jokingly.

Mandy swatted his arm, "Why do you and Lindsay always have to do that to me. I'm getting better you know."

James laughed, "Its kind of weird considering you weren't the type before."

Mandy nodded as she sat down, "Go ahead and sit." Mandy said as she motioned for him to sit.

James sat down next to her on the couch. "So how've you been?" James asked.

"I've been good, just trying to get used to this whole mom thing. Its kind of scary you know?"

"Well I'm not one to ask, considering." James said quietly, "But I'm glad everything's going okay with the baby."

"Yeah, so what about you? How have you been?" Mandy asked.

"Could be better," James said quickly.

"Why's that?" Mandy asked curiously.

"Well, the past few months I've been trying to find Lindsay."

"Oh," Mandy said quietly as she sighed. "I really wish she hadn't left so suddenly, I mean she did stop by a few times before that, but it doesn't seem like her."

"Yeah well that was probably because of me." James said guiltily.

"Why would that be your fault, she could have left for any reason."

"You're kidding right? Everything that's happened the past several months is my fault. Besides, she came over to see me and I screwed that up again." James said sadly.

"What did you do now?" Mandy said sarcastically, trying to lighten up the mood.

"She found me with Amber again, nothing had happened, of course. But you know how she is."

Mandy nodded, "Yeah. Did she say anything to you about leaving?"

James shook his head, "Not a word after that night. She came to me upset, but I didn't get a chance to talk to her about it."

"Oh," Mandy sighed. "I just wish she'd send me a letter or something, just so I know she's alright."

"You know she doesn't want to be found, Mandy."

Mandy frowned, "Yeah. It's just so hard since we're so close."

"Yeah," James said quietly. "Listen I had a question for you."

"What's that?" Mandy asked.

"Like I mentioned before, I've been trying to find her the past few months. It's just I asked Amber to help me, and she just sent me on this wild goose chase practically. I really want to find Lindsay, and I guess I just want to know if you think I should still try to."

"Does she mean that much to you?" Mandy asked.

"Of course, I'd do anything to see her again." James said.

"Then why not? If you love her, and want to find her, then I think you should." Mandy said.

"You don't think she'd just send me away? I mean after everything I've done to her, you don't think she'd be upset that I came?" James asked.

"Well, I haven't talked to her lately so I really wouldn't know how she felt. But it has been awhile, so maybe she's had a chance to move on and forget about what happened." Mandy said as she placed her hand on James' arm lightly.

"Maybe, but I just really hope she won't push me away."

"You'll never know unless you try." Mandy said.

James nodded, "Well if you don't hear from me, you'll know why." James said as he stood up.

"That's it?" Mandy laughed.

"Yeah, I just wanted your opinion on that." James said.

"Well okay then," Mandy said.

"I'll let you know of anything, I promise." James said.

"Thanks, guess I'll see you around?" Mandy said.

"Yeah, take care. Good luck with the baby too." He said with a wink before giving her a quick peck on the cheek and hugging her.

"Thanks," Mandy said smiling again. "Good luck to you too, bring her home again, okay?" Mandy said sternly.

James laughed a bit, "I'll do my best. Bye."

"Bye James," Mandy called after him as he left.

* * *

(Tree Hill Train Station – February 14, 1935)

Lindsay slowly walked up to the ticket booth; she gave the man a small smile. "One ticket to New York, please," she said quietly as she gave him some money.

The man handed her a ticket, "Have a nice trip," he said with a smile.

Lindsay nodded, "Thanks," she said as she grabbed her bag and walked off. Within a few minutes she found the train she needed to board, she hesitated for a moment. Dozens of thoughts ran through her mind as she stood there staring at the train; _Should I go? Is this even worth it? What if _**he**_ won't let me stay with him? What if _**he**_ doesn't even want to see me after what happened to Adam? Will _**he**_ forgive me? What's Mandy going to say? Will she be mad at me? What will James think of me, if he finds out? Will he be mad at me? _Lindsay shook her head, she couldn't think of what James thought or what mattered to him anymore. She was doing this for herself and herself alone. It was best for her, and everyone else for that matter.

The past few weeks she'd decided that it would be better if she just left, it would make things a lot easier for everyone at least. James could finally move on and forget about her, and she wouldn't be a bother to anyone else either.

Lindsay walked down the steps to where the train was. An exasperated sigh escaped her lips as she walked up to the man taking the baggage. She smiled slightly as he gave her a nod. Lindsay stuffed her hands in her pockets and slowly walked over to the door. She walked up the steps, slowly turning around for a moment. She took one last look at Tree Hill before she turned back around and walked onto the train. Lindsay quickly took a seat as the train started to move. She watched as the town flashed by, before it was completely gone.

* * *

Lindsay couldn't help but think of everything that had happened the following weeks. The night she'd seen James, what had happened before she saw him, and the night she revealed to her sister what she wanted to do. Her sister had been so upset and didn't want her to leave, but she knew she couldn't keep Lindsay from leaving.

_

* * *

_

Lindsay quickly packed her bags, trying to hurry before her sister came home.

**Too late. **_Hannah walked into the room, "Hun, dinner is –"stopping dead in her tracks when she saw what her sister was doing. "What are you doing?" Hannah asked the sadness apparent in her voice._

_Lindsay sighed, "I need to go, Hannah."_

_Hannah stood there gawking for a moment, unsure of what to say. "Wh-why?"_

_Lindsay turned to her sister, "Its not that I'm completely grateful for you letting me stay here, but I just can't stay _**here**_ anymore, as in Tree Hill."_

"_Okay, but why?" Hannah asked again._

_Lindsay sighed as she sat upon the bed, her sister walking over and sitting next to her. "It's just so hard staying here after everything's that happened, I just want to be able to get out of here and forget about what's happened, just put it all behind me. I want to be able to move on and I can't if I stay here."_

_Hannah took her sister's hand into hers, "I know it's hard for you Hun, but what about all your friends? And your family?"_

"_My friends will understand, hopefully. I know it's the last thing you want Hannah, but I just have, no I _need _to do this." Lindsay said as she looked up at her sister, her eyes beginning to water._

_Hannah sighed sadly, "Okay, you know I don't like this. But whatever is best for you."_

_Lindsay gave her a small smile before she laid her head on her sister's shoulder. Hannah wrapped an arm around her and held her close, "I'm going to miss you," Lindsay said through sniffles._

"_I'll miss you too Linds, just promise me one thing."_

"_What's that?" Lindsay asked as she sat up._

"_Be careful, and call every once in a while for once." Hannah said with laughter in her voice._

_A small giggle escaped Lindsay's lips as she wiped her eyes, "I will."_

"_Good," Hannah said as she stood up. "I gotta go downstairs, but be sure to say good bye to the kids at least."_

"_Of course." Lindsay said with a smile. "I'll be down in a minute."_

_Hannah nodded as she walked over to the door and quietly shut it as she walked out._

* * *

Lindsay's eyes shot open as the train came to a sudden stop. She sat up and wiped her eyes before she stood up and walked down to the exit. A cold wind stung her face as she stepped outside. Lindsay stuffed her hands in her pockets as she walked down a ways to where the baggage was being taken off the train. She waited for a few minutes before she finally got her bag and walked off.

* * *

Lindsay stepped out of the cab; she stared up at the building in front of her. As she stood there she couldn't help but feel a bit apprehensive, a feeling of worry set into her gut as she grabbed her bag. Lindsay sighed before she walked inside.

* * *

Lindsay held her head in her hands as the tears continued to fall. She couldn't help it as she sat there upon the floor, waiting. Her head shot up when she heard laughter coming down the hall. Quickly she wiped her eyes, just before _he_ walked up.

"Lindsay?" He asked.

"Hi," she said quietly as she stood up and gave him a small smile.

"What are you doing here?" he said lightly as he walked over to her.

Lindsay smiled as she wrapped her arms around him giving him a hug. "I uh, needed to talk to you." She said as she looked over at the girl standing beside him.

"Oh, sorry, this is my girlfriend, Jessica. Jessica, this is my sister-in-law, Lindsay."

"Hi," Lindsay said as she shook the girl's hand quickly.

"Um, I'll just see you later, Babe." Jessica said quickly after they stood there in silence.

Lindsay smiled and nodded as the girl left, "Sorry," she said quietly.

"No its okay," he said with a smile. Her brother-in-law turned to the door and unlocked the door to his apartment, "Come on in."

"Thanks," Lindsay said with a smile as she walked inside.

"So do you want anything to drink, or eat?" He asked as he set her bag down by the couch.

"Um, maybe some water if that's okay." Lindsay said, standing there awkwardly.

He smiled, "Water it is, then." After a minute her brother-in-law walked out of the kitchen and handed her a glass of water.

"Thanks," Lindsay said as she moved to sit down.

He nodded, "Not a problem." He sat down beside her, "So what brings you to New York? Must be really important for you to come all the way here to talk to me."

Lindsay swallowed hard, "Well for one I just couldn't stay in Tree Hill anymore after what happened. It's just too hard, you know?"

He nodded, "Yeah I know what you mean. So is there more?"

Lindsay nodded, "I was kind of looking for somewhere to stay…" She looked at him worriedly.

"Well, I'm guessing that's your way of asking if you could stay." He said with laughter in his voice. "But you're welcome to stay here, I have a spare bedroom."

"Are you sure? I mean I know it's kind of rude for me to just come here and ask that, but..." Lindsay sighed.

"It's alright, I'm always here for you, you know that right?" He said.

Lindsay nodded slightly, "Thanks."

"Anything for my sister-in-law." He said with a smile as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"Um, there's kind of more to it..." Lindsay said after they sat there quietly.

"What's that?" He asked her as she sat up to look at him.

* * *

(New York – August 22, 1935)

Lindsay finished getting dressed after she'd taken a shower. She then pulled her hair up into a pony tail before she walked out. "Good morning," she said brightly as she found her brother-in-law sitting at the table already. She walked over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, "You're already eating?"

"Yeah, sorry, I'm just running a bit late today." He said as he took a sip from his coffee mug.

"That's quite alright," Lindsay said as she walked over and poured herself a cup. "Are you still coming home earlier today?"

"Yeah, which is why I'm running late, I'm supposed to be there earlier too." He said as he stood up.

Lindsay smiled, "Okay good, I was hoping I could make us something nice for dinner tonight."

"Sounds good to me," He said with a laugh. "Can't pass up any of your cooking."

Lindsay laughed, "I'll expect you around seven, don't be late." She said as she narrowed her eyes.

Her brother-in-law laughed, "I won't. And do you mind if Jessica comes over tonight?"

"Not at all," Lindsay said. "At least you told me before an hour before dinner this time, she said with a smirk.

"I made it a point to do so." He said as he set his dishes in the sink. "I'll see you later." He said as he gave her a quick peck on the cheek and grabbed his briefcase before walking out.

Lindsay set her coffee mug down after he left. She walked over and opened a bedroom door, a smile spread across her lips as she walked inside.

* * *

(Later that afternoon)

James stopped dead in his tracks as he stared up at the building across the street. _This is it, _he thought as he took a deep breath. He quickly made his way across the street and inside the apartment building. He felt a feeling of worry set in as he walked up the stairwell. It took everything in his power to continue walking and to try and push past the feeling of fear that he'd felt all morning. **This **could finally be the place where he could find Lindsay, and just the thought of how she'd react scared him half to death. He hadn't made the best choices before she left and he just hoped she'd talk to him, if that.

He hesitated as he stood before the doorway he'd been told was Lindsay's. Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door lightly.

* * *

Lindsay paused as she walked inside her bedroom, hearing a knock at the door. She quickly made her way out. "Just a minute," she called out as she weaved her way through the living room. She straightened out the skirt of her dress before opening the door.

* * *

James stood outside the door, that feeling of horror washing over him again. _What if this wasn't where she was? What if she didn't want to see him? What if she wouldn't even talk to him?_ He couldn't help but worry, he hadn't seen Lindsay in months and he wasn't so sure as to how she'd react seeing him again. He held his breath as the door opened.

* * *

Lindsay's breath got caught in her throat as she saw who stood before her. "J-J-James?" she stuttered.

"Hi," he said awkwardly as he stood there. James took in Lindsay's appearance as she stood there before him, he couldn't help but notice that she looked so much different now; almost more beautiful than before. Then again it had been a while since he'd seen her.

"What are you doing here?" Lindsay asked, snapping him out of his trance.

"Oh, um, well I was looking for you." James said.

Lindsay stood there in shock, unsure of what to exactly say. "Why?" she asked him finally.

"I wanted to see you," he said simply. "I mean I've been looking for you ever since you left Lindsay, I just- I wanted to see you again." He said as he looked at her, hope filled his eyes. "I was hoping we could talk."

Lindsay couldn't believe her eyes, it had been months since she'd seen James and yet there he was, standing before her. She couldn't believe he'd taken all that time to find _her_, "James…" Lindsay sighed, "I-I-I don't even know what to say."

"I know it's been a long time since we've seen each other Lindsay, but I had to see you. I just, couldn't lose you, not again." James said.

"James, you can't do this, not now." Lindsay said as she shook her head.

"Why Lindsay? I still love you, you know that. I just _can't _lose you. I mean, I spent months trying to find you just so I could talk to you. I want to talk about what happened before you left."

"There's not much to say," Lindsay said simply.

"Lindsay please, can we talk?" James said as he motioned inside.

Lindsay sighed, "Fine, come on in."

James stepped inside and turned around so he was facing her. "Listen, I know you probably don't want to see me right now, but I just want to explain what happened. I mean you just left…" he said.

"James, you know why I left that night. I couldn't do _this_ anymore," Lindsay said as she pointed to her and James.

"I know, but you never gave me a chance to talk to you about it. I **really **wanted to be able to try and fix things with you."

Lindsay sighed, "I know that, but I can't anymore James. It's too hard, there's too much between us."

"Hey Lindsay –" _he _said as _he_ walked in.

A look of horror washed over James face before it changed to anger as he saw _him_, "Yeah I'm sure that's it." He said as he looked back to Lindsay.

"James, it's not what you think."

"I should just go," James said as he walked past Lindsay and out the door.

Lindsay turned and watched him walk out, a frown on her face.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

Lindsay shook her head, "It's nothing."

* * *

(The next morning)

Lindsay called the last hotel in town, "Hi, do you have a Mr. James Scott staying at your hotel?"

"Let me just check the list…" the man said. "Why yes we do, can I help you with anything else?"

"Can you give me his room number please?" Lindsay asked.

"Room 323, is that all?"

"Yes, thank you very much." Lindsay said.

"You're welcome, have a nice day." The man said before hanging up.

Lindsay quickly walked out of her bedroom. She walked over to the door and grabbed a coat and her bag. "Where are you going?" her brother-in-law asked.

"I need to go see someone real quick, I shouldn't be too long." She said.

"Okay, see you later then." He said as he took another sip of his coffee.

Lindsay walked up to the room she was told James was staying in; she took a deep breath before she knocked on the door.

A sleepy James opened the door, "Lindsay?" He asked in surprise.

"Hi," she said quietly as she took in his appearance. "Um –" she began to say as she shook off the feeling, "I was hoping we could talk about what happened yesterday…"

"Um, okay." James said as he opened the door to let her in.

"Oh no, not here. I was just hoping you could come by tonight, maybe around six?"

"Alright, but can I ask why?" James asked in confusion.

"Well there's kind of something you need to know…and I was hoping if you came over tonight I could tell you." Lindsay said as she began to wring her hands.

"Sure, but will –" James began to say.

"No, Jonathan won't be there." Lindsay said as she rolled her eyes.

"Jonathan?" James asked in shock.

"Yeah, that was Jonathan, Adam's step brother." Lindsay said matter-of-factly.

"Oh…" James said, "Sorry." He said with a frown.

"It's alright; I kind of figured you'd see it as that if he came back."

James nodded, "Well see you later then?"

"Yeah," Lindsay said with a nod. "I should go, but I hope you do come by tonight James."

James gave her a small smile as she turned and walked off.

* * *

Lindsay opened the door, "Hi."

"Hey," James said quietly.

"Come on in," Lindsay said as she stepped aside.

James walked in and stood there awkwardly, "Sooo…"

Lindsay couldn't help but smile, "Why don't we sit down." James nodded as he followed her and sat down. "Listen, I'm sorry for the way I acted yesterday, I was just…I didn't expect to see you here."

"I know," James said as he stared down at his hands.

"So how've you been?" Lindsay asked, trying to break the tension.

James shrugged, "Okay I guess, even though I've just been trying to find you. What about you?"

Lindsay nodded slightly, "Fine I suppose, things have been kind of hectic here I guess you could say." As she glanced over at a door that was open a crack.

James nodded, "Listen, I know I screwed everything up between us, but I was just hoping we could talk."

"It wasn't your fault, James." Lindsay said reluctantly.

"Isn't it? You couldn't even stand to be near me let alone stay in the same town as me."

"It wasn't just about you that I left." Lindsay said as she stared down at her hands.

"But that was part of it, wasn't it?" James asked.

Lindsay nodded, "Yeah, but I didn't want to be a burden to anyone else anymore. And it's not like there was much else left for me in Tree Hill anymore."

A frown spread across James' lips, "Yeah," he agreed silently.

"I didn't mean it like that James, but there was just too many bad things that had happened and I just wanted to be able to move on." Lindsay sighed, "I know I shouldn't have just left the way I did, but I was afraid I might see you again."

"That bad, huh?" James said with a bit of sadness in his voice.

Lindsay shook her head, "It wasn't like that, its just, I wanted to be with you again James, but like I said, I just couldn't get my heart broken again." Lindsay took in a deep breath, trying to keep her composure. "Seeing you again that night just made all my feelings for you come back, but I just can't go through all of that again."

"Well I'm sorry I made you feel that way." James said as he finally looked back up at her. "None of it went the way I wanted; I'd take it all back if I could, for _you_."

Lindsay gave him a small smile, "I wish it hadn't had to end that way either James, I just hate that we lost each other in all of this. We used to be so close before all of this happened, and now we just lost each other completely."

James nodded, "Lindsay I know this is a lot to ask, but can't we just try again, please?"

Lindsay sat back in shock, she hadn't expected that… "James, I told you, I can't now."

"Why?" James asked in confusion. "I mean I came all this way to find you, so I could maybe get another chance. And you're not with anyone and neither am I so what is it that's stopping us?" James said angrily as his voice started to rise more with every word.

"James please keep your voice down…" Lindsay said as she looked behind him.

"Why? What's going on Lindsay?" James asked, still a bit upset.

Lindsay sighed, "I have a new life here James, and I can't just throw it away now, I'm sorry."

James shook his head in disbelief, "So then it was a complete waste of me coming here then?" He asked angrily.

"James…" Lindsay pleaded with him as worry crept up on her.

"Lindsay I've spent months trying to find you, that's all I've been worried about. I know what I did was wrong, but I –" He began to say before he was cut off.

Lindsay quickly got up at the sound and walked over to the door. She swung the door open and disappeared inside.

James looked over at the door in confusion and walked over. He stared in disbelief at the sight he saw before him.

"Shhhh…its okay." Lindsay said quietly as she rocked the baby back in forth and her arms, trying to calm it down.

James stood in the doorway still unsure of what to do. As the baby began to quiet down Lindsay finally looked up at him. "Lindsay..?" James looked at her in confusion.

Lindsay sighed before she walked over to him, "This is the reason why I wanted you to come over, although I wish I could have said something about it first."

"You have a baby?" James asked, still unable to believe the sight before him.

Lindsay nodded, "He's part of the reason why I needed to leave James. I was afraid of what you'd think and I just couldn't tell you after I'd put it off for a month."

"What?" James asked still confused.

Lindsay swallowed hard, "He's your son, James." Lindsay said simply as she stared up at James for some sort of response.

James stood there gaping, unable to say anything. "Wh-wh-why didn't you tell me before?"

"I tried James," Lindsay sighed, "That was the reason why I came to see you that night."

"Why didn't you mention anything to me?" James asked starting to come back to his senses.

"I got scared James, you were saying all of this stuff to me about being together again and I just had to leave. I couldn't just jump into a relationship again. Besides I needed some time to think, but either way I had no idea of how I'd tell you. And then when Amber was there I got scared again…" Lindsay said as she looked back down at her son.

"Lindsay _nothing _was going on between Amber and I, besides I stopped seeing her period months ago. The only reason I even saw her again was so she would help me find you, but that was a mistake."

Lindsay stood there quietly for a moment, "You never said anything about the baby you know…"

James stood there staring at her for a second, "I don't know what to say." James sighed, "I just wish you would have told me before."

"I know, I'm sorry," Lindsay said.

James sighed before looking down at the baby, "I think I should go…" He said as he turned to leave.

"James." Lindsay said as she followed him out.

"I'm sorry Linds, I just have to go." He said as he opened the door and walked out.

Lindsay stood there staring at the door; she couldn't believe he'd left like that. She hated to admit it, but a part of her actually hoped it would give her a reason to be with James again. They had a child now and maybe it would even make them closer, but it turned out to be the exact opposite. James had freaked out and didn't even tell her what he thought of having a baby now that he'd finally found out.

Lindsay frowned as she slowly sunk down into a chair, her eyes starting to well up in tears. She stared down at the baby as it cooed. Lindsay sniffled as she wiped her eyes before turning her attention to her son. "Hey baby…" she said quietly as he reached over and wrapped his tiny fingers around her finger. A smile tugged at the corner of Lindsay's lips as she stared down at him, "I'm sorry sweetheart, I wish things could've turned out a little bit better." Lindsay sighed, "Oh I love you so much, and I'm sure your father will too. Or at least I hope he will once he comes to his senses." The baby cooed again as he turned his attention to the necklace that Lindsay had on.

As she stared down at her son, Lindsay couldn't help but think of James. He reminded her of James every day and she couldn't help but feel bad about not telling James about their son. James could've been there now with her, sharing every moment with her and their baby. Lindsay felt her eyes tear up again as she continued to think about it. He'd done nothing but make her life better than it was before, he was the light and joy of her life. She couldn't help but feel sorry for him at this point, he'd done nothing whatsoever and his father just left after finding out about him. All she wanted was to give her a son a better life, and now she wasn't so sure if coming to New York was the best idea.


	13. There's A Reason

Chapter 13

There's A Reason

(Later that afternoon – August 23, 1935)

Jonathan sat at the kitchen table, he'd barely even touched his food; he was too busy trying to figure out what was so wrong with Lindsay. She had seemed fine earlier that morning, but now she was quiet and completely unlike her usual self. The only time she ever came close to smiling was when she was with her son, Royal. Jonathan let out an exasperated sigh before he got up from the table and walked out to the living room to find Lindsay. He sat down quietly beside her as she continued to hold her son. "Lindsay…" Jonathan said silently, breaking the silence.

"Yes?" Lindsay asked, not looking up as she continued to peer down at her sleeping child.

"Is everything okay?" Jonathan asked.

Lindsay sighed before she finally looked over at him, "Everything's fine, why do you ask?" She had tried her best to smile, hoping he wouldn't prod her anymore, but it was hopeless. The emotion in her eyes gave everything away.

A frown formed on Jonathan's lips, "I know you Lindsay, and I can see that you're upset." He placed a comforting hand on the small of her back. "Did something happen earlier today?"

Lindsay looked away, glancing down at Royal again as a frown spread across her lips. She thought back to what had happened earlier that afternoon, tears welling up in her eyes. "Yes," she said almost in a whisper.

"What happened?" Jonathan asked.

"Um…" Lindsay hesitated, she couldn't tell Jonathan the exact truth, and she knew that. But she could tell him most of it right? Lindsay took in a deep breath as she tried to calm herself down, "Could you just give me a minute? I just want to go put Royal down for bed." She said as she looked up at Jonathan once more.

The frown on Jonathan's lips deepened as he saw the look on her face, "Yeah." He said quietly as she stood up and left the room.

Lindsay walked into her bedroom, and over to Royal's crib. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she stared down at the sleeping infant in her arms. She gently leaned down and laid him down in the crib, wrapping the blanket around him a little tighter. "Sleep well, sweetheart." Lindsay whispered as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Lindsay quietly made her way out of the bedroom and shut the door behind her. She walked back over to the couch where Jonathan sat waiting.

"Well?" Jonathan asked as soon as she sat down beside him.

Lindsay took a deep breath before she began. "Do you remember that man who was here the other day? The one who left just after you came back from work and I told you nothing had happened?" She asked as she began to wring her hands in her lap.

Jonathan sat there for a moment, thinking, before he replied, "Yeah I think so. You're talking about the one who seemed a bit upset as he left?"

Lindsay nodded, "Yes." She stared down at the floor as she contemplated what to say to Jonathan. "He-he's a friend of mine, back in Tree Hill. And something happened between us just after Adam passed." Lindsay looked back up at Jonathan who just urged her to continue. "I never noticed it before, but apparently he'd had feelings before me, even before Adam came along. And he thought that since Adam wasn't in the picture anymore, we might be able to be together then."

"What?" he asked with a tinge of anger in his voice.

Lindsay swallowed hard after a lump grew in her throat, "It was hard after Adam was gone so I told him it wouldn't work, and we ended up fighting over it. He came here to find me because he didn't like how we'd left things off before." Lindsay bit her lip, it was partially true, but she hated lying to Jonathan. Though even she knew if he found out the truth he would never forgive her. Lindsay sighed, "He still wanted us to try and be together, but he left in a rush this afternoon after he realized I have the baby now."

Jonathan sat there for a moment in silence, lost in thought. "What are you going to do now?" He finally asked.

"I don't know. I wish there was a way to fix this, because I hate that I lost him in all of this. He used to be really close to me considering we'd been friends for years." Lindsay sighed, "I don't know what to say to him anymore, I can't be with him now."

"Just tell him that." Jonathan said plainly.

"I can't, I know its going to hurt him, but I can't just tell him that. I mean I know I can't be with him now, but I don't know how to tell him that." Lindsay said as she stared down at her hands.

"If you don't want him to keep doing this, you need to tell him somehow." Jonathan said.

Lindsay nodded, "I know, I suppose he might not even come back after what happened today. But if he does I guess I'll have to tell him."

Jonathan reached over for Lindsay's hand; he gave it a light squeeze. "Do what you feel is best; I just think you should tell him somehow." Lindsay gave him a small smile, "Anyways, I don't know about you, but I'm tired. I think I'll head off."

"Okay," Lindsay said quietly as he stood up.

"Lindsay…" Jonathan said as he turned to her. Lindsay looked up at him. "Let me know if you need anything, as far as what's going on with this James guy, okay?"

Lindsay nodded. "Okay, good night."

"Good night," Jonathan said before he headed to his bedroom.

* * *

(Three days later – August 26, 1935)

Lindsay sighed as she peered down at Royal, who hadn't woken up just yet. She couldn't help but think of James every time she was with him.

All she could think of was that horrid day when he left just after she'd revealed the news of their child. She had hoped it would have gone so much better, but to her disappointment it was dreadful. Out of all the things James could have possibly done, she never would have expected him to just walk out on her.

She hated to admit it, but a small part of her had hoped he would have been overjoyed about the fact that they had a child together, that maybe it was a way for them to be together again. Even despite the things James had done to her, she wouldn't keep him from fathering his son. If anything that's all she wanted, was for James to be able to be with Royal.

A growing pain grew in Lindsay's heart at the thought of James not ever coming back again. And if he did come back, the longer he waited, the more upset Lindsay became. It was true; at first she had wanted for James to come find her, to find out that he had a son. She had hoped he would take her back with welcoming arms and they could finally start a family together and be together once more. But every time he asked to be with her again she shied away, afraid of what might happen. Though she wanted it, the thought of getting hurt again scared her half to death. And now with Jonathan around she couldn't just get up and leave with James. Despite the fact that she couldn't find a way to get around it, she knew she still would have to explain to James why they couldn't be together.

Lindsay sighed; she turned to leave before she heard a rustling from the crib. She turned on her heels and leaned over slightly.

Royal squirmed around a bit as he wiped his arm over his face, a small whimper escaping his lips. His eyelids opened slowly, meeting Lindsay's gaze.

Lindsay smiled as she stared down at him for a moment. She reached down and picked him up, "Good morning sleepyhead," she whispered.

Royal took in a deep breath before he nestled his head into the crook of Lindsay's neck.

Lindsay smiled as she gently kissed the top of his head. She rested her cheek against his head, rocking back and forth slightly as she stood there in the silence for a moment.

Just then Jonathan came to the door, "Hey I'm gonna –" he began to say before stopping himself.

Lindsay gave him a small smile, "It's fine, he's awake." She said while rolling her eyes.

"Oh, well I was just going to say I'm leaving now." Jonathan said as he motioned toward the door.

"Okay, I'll see you later tonight then." Lindsay said as she turned to lay Royal down on the changing table.

"Okay, see you then." Jonathan said before leaving the room and walking out of the apartment.

* * *

(Later that morning – James' hotel room)

James sat on the edge of his bed, his head held in his hands.

He still couldn't quite grasp the fact that he now had a son. It was kind of a scary thought, knowing Lindsay she probably didn't want him around the baby. After everything he'd put her through, she probably didn't want anything else do with him.

Now that he thought about it, he probably only made things worse between the two of them after walking out on her. She had done nothing to him, but be there for him despite the fact that her husband was still around. And then after Adam's death he knew she wanted to try and fix things between the two of them, but he screwed that up too.

Lindsay deserved so much better, he knew that, but it was so hard to just let her go. He'd had feelings for her ever since they were teenagers and he doubted those feelings would just go away.

Every now and then he thought that maybe he should just give up, to leave her alone so she could have the life she'd always wanted. All he wanted was for her to be happy, but he always ruined that for her too. He hated to think of leaving her, but some times he felt it was the best thing he could do.

What if she couldn't even love him again after he'd hurt her so much? What would he do then? Would he just give her what she wanted, which seemed to be to just move on?

James sighed; he'd gone through that all over and over again the past few days. "No", he'd always tell himself. He couldn't think that way; he wouldn't give in so easily. Lindsay was everything to him, and he wasn't going to just give up. Yet, he couldn't seem to make up his mind as to what he should do.

Once the fact that he had a son finally set in, he had a small hint of hope that maybe it could be a way for Lindsay and him to be together again. If she wanted that of course, he wouldn't force it on her that they should be together because of the baby.

The more he thought of his son, the more he thought of how much he wanted to go back and apologize for his actions and try to win Lindsay back again. As much as it hurt him to be turned down every time, he had to at least give it one more try now that he knew about her secret. If she didn't want him back at all, he would leave without bothering her again. He wanted her to be happy after all.

James took in a deep breath as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. He finally got up and walked into the bathroom to clean up.

* * *

(At the park)

Lindsay walked over to a bench and sat down for a moment. She had decided to try and get out for once since she was normally stuck inside. Besides, Royal hadn't been out much either so she figured she would take him out for a walk over to the park.

Lindsay pulled the stroller closer and peered inside at her son. He cooed as he stared up at her, making Lindsay's smile widen.

* * *

James decided he should try and get out since he'd been cooped up in his hotel room the past few days. He hadn't left, mainly because he was too lost in his thoughts of what had happened back at Lindsay's apartment.

James let out an exasperated sigh as he found himself thinking of Lindsay again. She was all he _could _think about. He wanted so desperately to have her back, but it seemed like his chances were slim.

He walked a ways off the path and leaned against a tree. James kicked at the dirt in front of him as he continued to think about Lindsay…and the baby.

James was pulled out of his thoughts at a sound from behind him. He peered around the tree only to find Lindsay sitting at a bench a few feet away, reaching into a stroller and taking the baby out.

* * *

Lindsay reached down into the stroller, pulling Royal out. "Hey baby," she cooed as she pulled him into her arms.

Royal cooed as he looked up at Lindsay, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Lindsay's smile widened, she'd missed his smile. She hadn't been able to suppress her sadness of what had happened between her and James the past few days. Unfortunately, Royal hadn't seemed as lively as he normally was as well.

Lindsay sighed as she stroked the top of Royal's head before placing a kiss to his forehead. "Mommy's sorry for the way she's been acting lately," Lindsay said quietly as she brushed her fingers over his cheek. "Things are going to be better from now on, I promise." She whispered as she lightly kissed his cheek.

Lindsay took in a deep breath as she looked out into the distance, "You know I really hoped your father could have found about you in a better way. And it was wrong of me to keep you from him, but I couldn't face him, not after what happened." Lindsay sniffled, "And that's really selfish of me, I know, but it's just so hard."

Royal reached up with his small hand, his small fingers brushing against Lindsay's cheek. He cooed as he reached over and wrapped his hand around her necklace.

A small laugh escaped Lindsay's lips as she looked back down at him. "You know I think you're the one losing out the most in this situation." Lindsay took in a deep breath again, trying to calm herself down. "I just feel so awful that you haven't done anything wrong, and yet you're the one who'll eventually be hurt the most." Lindsay eyes began to water again, "I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am for doing this to you, keeping you from your father. I didn't want to, but at the time it seemed like the best thing to do." Lindsay wiped her eyes as some tears began to fall. "If anything I want to at least allow your father into your life, so both you and him won't miss out on each other." Lindsay sighed, "I just don't know if he's coming back unfortunately."

* * *

James looked down at the ground sadly as he listened to what Lindsay was saying. He couldn't tell her how sorry he was for making her feel that way. And for making her believe that her best option was to keep their son a secret. There was never a day where he didn't wish he could have changed it all, made it so he hadn't pushed Lindsay away and maybe even potentially lost her for good.

He sighed as he turned to leave, the gravel grinding beneath his feet loudly as he turned on his heels. James winced at the sound, now realizing that Lindsay probably heard him. He pursed his lips before he turned around slowly only to meet Lindsay's sorrow filled eyes. James stood there for a moment, his mouth gaping as he tried to find the words to say.

"James?" Lindsay asked quietly in disbelief. "Wh-wh-what are you doing here?"

James swallowed hard, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to impose or anything."

"I thought you would have left New York by now," Lindsay said still in shock.

James shook his head slowly, "No I haven't left." He took in a deep breath, "Listen I'm sorry for not coming by, especially after what I did."

Lindsay looked back down at Royal, "Its okay," She sighed, "I suppose it's understandable."

"No, it's not okay." James said causing Lindsay to look back up at him. His eyes seemed to have a slight hint of resentment in them. "I shouldn't have left the way I did, notably after what you told me." He let out an exasperated sigh, "Listen I know it was wrong of me to stay away, but I just…I didn't know what to think of it, about the baby."

Lindsay nodded slightly, "Yeah." She glanced down at Royal for a moment before she looked back up at James, "You know you never bothered to ask what his name was."

James' face fell, "I know. There are a lot of things I've wanted to ask, but I just couldn't muster up enough courage to even get out of bed."

Lindsay looked up at him hesitantly before she stood up, "I'm guessing you heard everything I said." James nodded slowly, "So then you heard what I said about you and the baby." Lindsay sighed as she walked closer to him, "I meant what I said James, about not wanting to keep you from him." Lindsay looked up at him expectantly, "He deserves to have you in his life."

James stared down at Lindsay, "Not that I wouldn't love to be able to be in his life, I just…I don't want to make things more uncomfortable between us."

Lindsay nodded again, "I think things will be uncomfortable from now on, but it would be selfish of me to keep you away." James just stared down at her, unsure of what to do. "Do you –" Lindsay swallowed hard, "Do you want to hold him?"

"Is that such a good idea?" James asked nervously.

"Its okay," she answered quietly as she extended her arms toward James.

James was hesitant at first, but he reached out toward her.

Lindsay placed Royal in his arms gently, "Mind his head…" Lindsay said as James adjusted his arms.

James stared down at the baby apprehensively; he shook his head as he was suddenly rendered speechless.

A small smile tugged at the corners of Lindsay's lips as she watched his face.

James looked at her in amazement, "He's so small…" He said in surprise.

Lindsay nodded, "Yeah." She stared down at Royal who looked at her nervously, a whimper escaping his lips.

James tensed up as the baby began to fuss, and also because Lindsay was so close. She'd tended to keep her distance lately when she was around him.

"It's okay…" Lindsay said reassuringly as she smiled down at Royal.

James swallowed hard, "Uhhh…so what's his name?"

Lindsay looked up at him, as if she'd forgotten he was there. "Oh. Well his name is Royal."

James nodded, "How old is he now?"

"He'll be one month old tomorrow."

"Oh," James said in shock.

Lindsay forced a smile onto her face, "You know he looks just like you." She said reluctantly as she looked back down at Royal.

"You think?" James asked, still unable to focus at the moment.

"Yeah, he's got your eyes…and your nose." Lindsay said lightly as she gently touched Royal's nose. He cooed as a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

James opened his mouth to say something before Royal yawned; wiping his arm over his eyes sleepily.

"I think I should take him back to the apartment," Lindsay said quietly as she took Royal from James' arms. She walked over and gently laid the tired infant into the stroller.

James hesitated before he walked up behind her, "Lindsay…I know it's probably a lot to ask at this point, but I was hoping we could talk about, you know…_us_."

Lindsay paused as she grabbed onto the handle of the stroller, "Um, I don't think there's much to talk about."

James looked at her in disbelief, "There's not much to talk about?" He quickly walked around her so she could see him, "Lindsay there's plenty we could talk about."

"Maybe there is," Lindsay said quietly as she began walking up the path. "I just don't want to talk about it." She finally said.

"Lindsay, come on. You know I didn't just come here to _not _talk. I mean there's so much I want to say to you." James said pleadingly.

"I'm sure there's plenty you could say, but that's not the best idea." Lindsay said, hoping he'd drop the subject. Although she knew that would never happen until she finally told him.

James sighed, "Lindsay please, I just…I guess I just want to know if there's anything left for us." James said quietly as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

Lindsay shut her eyes as she pursed her lips for a moment before she looked up at him, "I don't think we could ever have a relationship again James, not now."

"Why not?" James asked incredulously.

Lindsay sighed, "I can't now that Jonathan's around."

"What does Jonathan have to do with us?" James asked.

"He has everything to do with our relationship now James." Lindsay tried to swallow back the lump that grew in her throat, "I never told him about us or the baby."

"What do you mean? He obviously knows about the baby Lindsay." James said in confusion.

"Yeah, but he doesn't know you're the father." Lindsay said sadly.

James stopped in his tracks, "You never told him?"

"No I didn't," Lindsay said quietly, now regretting mentioning it. "I couldn't tell him that I had a relationship behind his brother's back, and that, the same man I was with killed his brother as well. And I definitely couldn't tell him that the baby wasn't his brother's."

"Well he doesn't have to know, I mean if we have any chance of being together…" James swallowed hard, "We could just leave Lindsay, he can't do anything about it then."

"You do realize he's involved in the same things Adam was, right? He could easily find us, and I don't want to be the one to tell him all of that. He'd be so heart broken, not to mention betrayed." Lindsay sighed.

"We can make it so he can't find us then. There's no reason why we can't just leave Lindsay. You know I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

"I can't James. Besides I don't want to put Royal through all of that." Lindsay said as she peered down at the now sleeping infant before her.

"I realize it would be hard, but do you really want to stay here with Jonathan for the rest of your life?"

Lindsay tried to swallow back some tears, "No, but I have no other choice."

"Lindsay you don't have to do that." James said with a tinge of anger.

"I already told him about you James, he just thinks that you want us to be together because Adam's dead now. And believe me; he wasn't happy about it before."

"Is that what you told him?"

Lindsay nodded slowly, "I didn't know what else to say." She sighed, "James can we please just stop talking about this?"

James scoffed, "Lindsay I spent months trying to find you so I could talk to you and all you're doing is giving me reasons why we can't be together. Which none of them are good enough for me to just give up and leave. There are plenty of ways that we could get around them." James let out an exasperated sigh, "I'll leave if you want me to. But only if you look me in the eye right now and tell me you don't want to be with me. And that we can't be together."

Lindsay swallowed back some more tears and shook her head. "I'm not going to do that."

"Then I don't see any reason why we can't try talking about this. You just keep trying to push me away and if I mean as much to you as you do to me, then I don't see why we can't be together."

"James please just let this go." Lindsay pleaded.

"I can't do that Lindsay." James said as he shook his head solemnly.

Lindsay sighed, "Fine, I'll think about it then, but only if you tell me something."

"Okay, anything." James said as he shrugged his shoulders.

By this time they had already made it to Lindsay's apartment.

"Tell me, honestly, did anything happen between you and Amber?" Lindsay asked.

"No." James said as he shook his head vigorously, "How could you even ask that?"

"I was gone for a long time James, how do I know if something happened or not."

"Lindsay nothing happened!" James said angrily.

"Keep your voice down!" Lindsay said sternly as they walked inside. She quickly took Royal out of his stroller and walked off to her room.

"I'm sorry but I don't know why you keep asking that. Do you think I'd lie to you about that, let alone even do that?"

Lindsay sighed as she gently laid Royal down in the crib. "I just want to be sure, you two got pretty close James." She said as she and James walked out of the room.

"We were just friends, if that, Linds. I wouldn't have let it get any further than that."

Lindsay looked at him as if he were crazy, "You did let it get further than that."

James looked at her in anxiously, "What are you talking about?"

"Last time I checked, you let her kiss you the morning after you came back from the hospital." Lindsay said bitterly as she walked into the kitchen. Lindsay sighed, "Look I don't think…" She stopped when she saw the saddened look that had washed across his face.

James stood behind the counter, unsure of what to say at first. He sighed, "Look I know you don't want this, but I just need you to hear me out."

Lindsay folded her arms over her chest, "I guess I can do that." Lindsay said a little bit more bitterly than she'd wanted.

"Listen I know that you don't want anything to do with me," James sighed. "But this is important."

Lindsay sighed before she rested her hands on the counter, "Alright I'm listening."

"Like I said, there is absolutely nothing going on between Amber and me."

"Didn't look like nothing, last time." Lindsay said still not convinced.

"Lindsay, she just wanted to get between us, are you really going to let her do that?" He sighed when Lindsay didn't answer, "Look, I should have stopped it before, I get that now."

Lindsay looked at him in disbelief, as if that option had been obvious from the start. She shook her head slightly, "What else is there, James?"

James sighed, "Well the baby. I just…I guess I hoped that we could be…" James sighed again in frustration, "I was hoping we could be together, again, but I just need you to know that I love you, more than anything." A frown grew on James' lips, "I don't know if you want anything to do with me or not, Linds, but I couldn't just leave it alone."

"Damn it James…" Lindsay looked back up at James, a frown spread across her lips. "I really thought we were like rounding this corner of everything before you know," James began to panic, "I – I don't know I need some time to think and just be alone." Lindsay said as she turned away.

"Lindsay please –" James pleaded as he stepped closer to her.

"No, don't," Lindsay said as she stepped away. She sniffled before she spoke again, "Can you just give me some time and then we can find a time to deal with this later?" Lindsay pleaded as 

she looked back up at him. James' frown deepened as he stood there gaping, "Please." Lindsay said, her voice quivering a bit.

James looked away sadly giving up at that point, "Okay." He said dejectedly as he looked back up at her once more before walking out.

As James opened the door, Lindsay couldn't help but let the tears fall. A small sob escaped her lips as she turned away.

* * *

(Later that night)

Lindsay lay there silently in her bed, images of what had happened earlier that day clouding her thoughts. She hadn't been able to _stop _thinking about James. She knew she owed him at least a final answer to his questions about them being together, but at that point she still wasn't sure.

It was hard for her to even imagine what might happen if she went back to Tree Hill, Amber being around again. She couldn't stand for that if it actually happened. Even if it was true that Amber was out of the picture, Lindsay couldn't let herself get hurt again.

Lindsay was afraid of opening up her heart again to James, feeling vulnerable around him as she always did. As much as she didn't want to keep Royal from James, she couldn't stand the thought of it. It was easier to just forget about her feelings for James and try to move on than to open up that door again.

Lindsay sighed, she knew it was selfish of her to only worry about herself and not Royal, but even if she allowed James to be a part of their son's life, she couldn't be with him. She was too afraid and she was sure he knew that by this point. He had to know that the only thing keeping them apart was the fact that Lindsay was too afraid to face her feelings for him again.

She thought back to the night when he'd been at Mandy and Jacob's house, when they had their party. James tried so desperately to speak to her and when she finally gave him that chance she just pushed him away.

* * *

"_Hey." James said quietly as he walked up to her. Lindsay looked up at him reluctantly, "Look I just wanted to say I'm sorry."_

_Lindsay laughed quietly before she folded her arms over her chest, "Aren't you tired of that?" Lindsay turned away as James looked down at her in confusion, "You shouldn't have to keep apologizing James. Not anymore." Lindsay looked down at the ground before she turned back to face him. "Look I've been thinking a lot these past few days," She paused as she contemplated what to say. "I knew what I was getting myself into when I told you I loved you back, and now I realize it wasn't fair."_

"_What are you saying?" James asked as he looked down at her anxiously._

"_I'm saying that it was wrong of me," Lindsay paused as she tried to swallow back the tears that were coming, "To do that to you." She bit her lip before she shook her head slightly; "I'm the one who's sorry," Lindsay sniffled. "I shouldn't have given in; I knew one of us would get hurt in the end. I just…I can't do this anymore. It's just too hard for us to be together after what happened. And I tried to push past everything, but I can't." Lindsay paused before she looked up into James' eyes, "And now…I'm done trying."_

_James looked down at her, his eyes filled with sadness. He felt a pang in his heart at what Lindsay had just said to him._

_Lindsay looked at him once more, her eyes filling up with tears. She quickly walked past him, trying to save herself from having to cry in front of him._

_James looked down at the ground, dejected, his body froze as Lindsay walked past him. He took in deep a breath as he tried to keep his composure. Slowly, he turned and watched her walk off with grief stricken eyes._

_**He sees the flames in her tears  
Sketching on her skin and he knows  
That it's come to an end  
And it's no point pretending it's not **_

* * *

Lindsay's eyes began to fill with tears as she kept thinking about everything that had happened between her and James the past eight months. She hated herself for even wanting to be with him after what he'd done to her, but she couldn't help it. Even though there were so many bad things that had happened between them, she still loved him. He was the only one she wanted to be with.

Lindsay took in a deep breath as she tried to calm herself down. A small sob escaped her lips as she tried to hold back the tears. Her head shot over to the crib as she heard rustling. She sat up slowly and wiped the tears from her eyes. Once she heard a whimper she pulled the covers away from her and got up.

_**And it's a long way down, a long way down from here  
And it's a long way down, a long way down from here**_

As she reached the crib, Royal began to fuss even more. She leaned down and picked him up, "Shhh…its okay baby." Lindsay whispered as she pulled him close to her and kissed his head.

Royal took in deep breaths as he started to calm down. He nestled his head into Lindsay's neck as he finally settled down.

Lindsay began stroking his head gently as she swayed back and forth. "I'm sorry, hun." She said quietly as she walked over to her bed. She sat down before she laid Royal down beside her. Lindsay moved the pillow so it was beside him and then propped herself up on her elbow. She leaned over him and kissed him on the forehead.

_**So she smashes the glass  
And there's blood on her hands and her skirt  
There's the wind and a sun,  
A fresh air in her lungs once again**_

Royal let out a deep breath, and cooed as Lindsay sat up and gazed down at him.

Lindsay smiled as she bent down and rubbed her nose lightly against his.

Royal let out a squeal as she gently tickled his stomach.

Lindsay giggled as she kissed his cheek. "You are the cutest little thing." She said with laughter in her voice.

A small smile tugged at the corners of Royal's lips as he stared up at her.

_**

* * *

**_

And it's a long way down, a long way down from here  
And it's a long way down, a long way down from here

James sat one the edge of his bed, holding his head in his hands. He had wanted so desperately for things to look up for him that day, but as usual they hadn't. It didn't matter how much he tried for Lindsay just pushed him away every time.

James sighed as he moved over and laid down. As much as he hated to think of it, he didn't think Lindsay was going to want to be with him any time soon, let alone at all. He knew that their relationship meant something to her at some level, but she wasn't ready for that again. And he knew that was his fault since she was too afraid to open up again.

He couldn't help but think about when they hadn't had to worry about anything. Back when things got better between them after they'd gotten together. He thought back to the night when they'd spent their first night together.

_**So he closes his eyes  
And thinks 'Maybe I'll be surprised if I do.'**_

_

* * *

_

James stirred as he felt himself waking up, he slowly opened his eyes and heard the sound of Lindsay sighing beside him. He smiled slightly, "Stop it." He said as he shut his eyes again.

"_What?" Lindsay asked as she turned to him._

"_Stop worrying so much." James said as his smile widened._

"_How do you even know I'm worried if you haven't looked at me yet?" Lindsay asked._

"_You think I need to see you with my eyes to know what's going on with you." James took in a deep breath, "I never had to before."_

_A small smile tugged at the corners of Lindsay's lips, she slowly turned her head so she was looking up at the ceiling. She sighed as she shut her eyes for a moment._

"_What's wrong?" James asked as he turned to her._

_Lindsay opened her eyes again, "It's just…I'm afraid of what Adam will do if he finds out. And frankly I don't want to find out."_

"_He won't." James said simply._

_Lindsay turned her head so she could see him._

"_Besides, even if he did, which he won't, I wouldn't let him do anything to you." He said reassuringly._

_Lindsay smiled as he moved his arm so she could lay closer to him. Without hesitating she moved closer to him, wrapping her arm around him as he did the same. Lindsay's smile widened as she shut her eyes._

"_I love you more than anything Lindsay, and I wouldn't let anyone hurt you." James said as he placed a kiss to her head, "You know that right."_

_Lindsay nodded slightly, "Yeah."_

"_Good." James said as he tightened his hold on her._

"_I love you too." Lindsay whispered as she nestled her head into his neck._

_James kissed her head again before he shut his eyes._

'_**I just might fall into another realm  
And make another home there with you'**_

* * *

A frown spread across James' lips as he continued to think about it. He had seemed so sure that things would have changed after that night. That they could be happy together as long as Lindsay could get away from Adam. Unfortunately everything had only gotten worse after that.

James reached up and wiped his face with his hands as he let out a deep breath. There was nothing he could do now but hope that Lindsay would change her mind. It was best if he just stayed away until Lindsay was ready to talk to him, he'd just have to wait. Even if he tried to talk to her, he'd have to wait all the same. James sighed as he shut his eyes, trying to fall asleep.

_**And it's a long way down, a long way down from here  
And it's a long way down, a long way down from here**_

* * *

Lindsay covered Royal with his blanket again as she gazed down at him. He'd fallen asleep a while ago, but she hadn't been able to sleep. Thoughts of what had happened still clouded her mind and she couldn't seem to fall asleep. She knew she'd have to make a decision soon and to not keep James waiting, but it was really hard for her to decide.

She wanted to be with James, she did, but there was always that feeling of dread that changed her mind. There was a small part of her that wondered if maybe she should just take a chance, tell him she wanted to be with him. Maybe things would be different this time around, especially since Royal was there now.

Lindsay wanted so badly to just tell James everything that she'd been feeling, but then the thought of Jonathan always popped into her head. Unfortunately that was what she was most afraid of, what Jonathan would do. She couldn't stand to see the same thing happen to Jonathan that had happened to Adam. But she knew his reaction would be somewhat similar, and that scared, more for her son than herself.

_**Its best not to think about it  
Just put your arms around me**_

Lindsay sighed before she stood up and walked over to the phone. She quickly dialed the number to James' hotel.

"Good evening, how can I help you?" The man on the other end said.

"Hi, I was hoping you could send a message up to a guest, please." Lindsay said quietly.

"I can surely do that for you miss, what room is the guest in?"

"He's in room 323." Lindsay replied, making sure to keep her voice down so she wouldn't wake Royal.

"Okay, and what is the message you'd like sent, miss?"

"Can you just tell him to meet Lindsay Roe over in the park tomorrow morning?"

"Yes, is that all?"

"Yes, thank you." Lindsay said as she rubbed the back of her neck.

"You're very welcome, miss. Have a good night."

"Thanks, you too." Lindsay said before hanging up.

She sighed before she stood up and walked back over to bed. To her surprise she fell fast asleep as soon as she laid down.

_**

* * *

**_

Its best not to think about it  
Just put your arms around me.

James woke with a start at his phone ringing. He sat up slowly and turned on the light. He quickly picked up the phone, "Hello?" He asked groggily.

"Sorry to wake you sir, but someone left a message for you."

"Oh?" James asked as he yawned, "Who's that?"

"They didn't say, but she did ask that we inform you to meet a miss Lindsay Roe in the park tomorrow morning."

"Oh." James said, a wave of relief swept over him. "Thank you," he quickly said.

"You're welcome, have a good night, sir." The man said before hanging up.

James set the phone down, he still couldn't believe it. He expected that he wouldn't hear from Lindsay for days. The thought that it was only a matter of hours before he'd see her again to hear her final decision gave him some hope.

But as he thought about it, she must have been up all night so far thinking about it. It could be bad, or it could be good. He sighed, he hadn't not knowing what she'd say to him. He didn't know what he'd do if she told him she didn't want anything to do with him.

James swallowed hard as a lump grew in his throat, he let out a deep breath as he scratched his head. He'd just have to wait until tomorrow.

He slowly laid down after he turned out the light, before he fell asleep once more.

_**Its best not to think about it  
Just put your arms around me.**_

**

* * *

**

**Song:** _Best Not To Think About It_ by Athlete


	14. Whatever It Takes

Chapter 14

Whatever It Takes

(The next morning – Lindsay's apartment)

Lindsay's eyes fluttered open as the sunlight streamed in through her bedroom window. She closed her eyes again sleepily, her eyes adjusting to the brightness. Groggily Lindsay wiped her eyes; she stopped after she heard a tiny groan from beside her. As Lindsay peered down she found Royal lying beside her. She groaned as she realized she hadn't put him back in his crib last night.

Just then a small yawn escaped his lips as he wiped his eyes. He whimpered quietly before he opened his eyes, meeting Lindsay's gaze. Royal smiled up at her as the sleep finally wore off.

"Good morning sweetheart," Lindsay said quietly as she leaned down and kissed the top of his head. She reached over and tickled his stomach lightly.

Royal coughed a laugh as he tried to push Lindsay's hands away.

Lindsay giggled as she leaned down and placed a kiss to his cheek. "I suppose it's a good thing you're up now too, we've got somewhere important we need to be soon."

* * *

Lindsay walked out into the kitchen with Royal in her arms. She set him down before going to find something to eat quickly.

Jonathan's eyed followed her as she moved about the kitchen. An air of urgency radiated off of her as she quickly put something together for herself. Jonathan took one more sip of his coffee before he looked back up at her with wary eyes. "Is everything all right Lindsay?" He asked with a slight bit of curiosity.

Lindsay seemed to jump a bit at the sound of his voice, as if she'd forgotten he was even there. "Oh. Yeah I'm fine, just in a little bit of a hurry." She said without looking up at him.

"I can see that." Jonathan hesitated for a moment, waiting for her to reach his gaze. "Where are you off to?" He finally asked.

"I just promised a friend I would meet them this morning," Lindsay felt her voice break a bit as the words left her mouth. She cleared her throat, "I woke up a bit later than I'd wanted."

Jonathan inhaled deeply; he could sense that something was wrong. He hated prying, but Lindsay wasn't exactly open either. "What happened to you last night? I came home and you didn't come out of your room at all."

"I was a bit tired; I haven't gotten as much sleep lately." Lindsay lied, biting her lip as she waited for his response.

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully as he still waited for her to face him. "That wasn't because of your situation with what's his name – James, was it?" As soon as the name left his mouth, Jonathan noticed Lindsay's body tense up slightly.

"Uh no, it has nothing to do with him." Lindsay lied again, she hated lying to Jonathan, but she had no other choice.

"Has he stopped by at all, I know it's been a few days since he last came here?"

"No he hasn't come over at all; I'm guessing he won't be coming back." Lindsay took a deep breath before she turned to look at him. As she did this, she noticed that his eyes were full of suspicion.

"Really? Because I sort of had the impression that he wasn't going to leave you alone until you talked to him again." Jonathan took another sip of his coffee as he waited, his patience wearing thin at this point.

Lindsay swallowed hard as she stared down at the ground, "He didn't come yesterday; I met him."

Jonathan felt the anger start to build up inside of him; he quickly tried to compose himself. "Did you tell him that you can't be with him?"

"Yes," Lindsay said quietly.

"So is he leaving now?" Jonathan asked.

"I don't know," Lindsay said as she shrugged.

"He doesn't happen to be this friend you're meeting this morning, is he?" Jonathan asked.

Lindsay looked up at him through anxious eyes, "Yes, he is."

Jonathan felt his hand ball up into a fist as the anger continued to grow. "Lindsay I told you needed to tell him so he'd leave you alone."

"It isn't like that, Jonathan. I told him yesterday, we're just friends now." Lindsay said quickly.

"Is that such a good idea?" Jonathan asked as he tried to calm himself down.

"He's just a friend of mine, Jonathan. Now that he knows about the baby he wants to be there for me as much as he can."

"Lindsay –" Jonathan began to say.

"Its fine Jonathan, stopping worry so much."

"Fine," Jonathan said through gritted teeth. He sighed, "Just promise me one thing."

"What's that?" Lindsay asked warily.

"Just be careful, okay? I don't want to see you get hurt."

Lindsay nodded slightly, "Okay."

* * *

(At the park)

Lindsay sat down on the bench; her eyes scanned the rest of the park quickly. She still hadn't seen any sign of James since she'd arrived at the park. Soon enough she began worrying that he hadn't gotten her message, they'd tell him, wouldn't they?

Just as soon as the thought crossed her mind, a feeling of uneasiness settled in. Lindsay had felt the knots in her stomach all morning, try as she might, the feeling wouldn't go way. She couldn't help but feel nervous, even though she'd told James she would tell him whether or not she'd allow them to be together, she still didn't know what to say. There was only one thing she could do, and she just hoped that was enough for him.

Lindsay was brought out of her thoughts at the sound of Royal's whimpering. She pulled the stroller closer to her and took one of his tiny hands into hers. "Hey baby, its okay," she whispered as she stroked his hair.

Royal continued to whimper slightly, his lips in the form a pout.

Lindsay picked him up and held him close to her. "Shhhh, you're okay," she reassured him again, trying to calm him down. She gently placed a kiss to his head as he laid his head down on her shoulder. Slowly she began to sway back and forth as he began to quiet down.

She could hear the sound of someone approaching soon enough.

"Hey," James said quietly as he walked up behind her.

Lindsay could feel her body tense up at the sound of his voice. She swallowed hard before she turned to face him, "Hi," she said almost in a whisper. James didn't say anything at first so Lindsay used this time to lay Royal back down into the stroller.

James watched her with anxious eyes. He had no idea what to say or do at this point; mainly because he'd prepared himself for the worst. Lindsay hadn't seemed too thrilled about them getting back together before, so he figured she'd just shoot him down again. He told himself if she did, this time, he wouldn't protest and he'd leave immediately if she asked him to. There wasn't much else he could do if she didn't want him back at all.

Lindsay stared up at him for a moment as tried to find the right words to say, "Thanks for coming." She finally said, it wasn't what she'd wanted, but it was the best she could think of. The longer she could put off telling him the better.

James nodded slightly as he glanced down at the ground, "Not a problem."

To Lindsay's disappointment, James didn't seem to have anything to say either. She sighed before she looked up at him again, "So I know you expect me to just say yes or no, but –" Lindsay hesitated for a moment, she pursed her lips together as she tried to think of what to say next. James looked down with waiting eyes, "I don't really know what to say. And I know that's not fair to you, but I just don't know what to do."

_A strangled smile fell from your face_

_What kills me that I hurt you this way_

_The worst part is that I didn't even know_

James stood there for a moment, reluctantly, waiting for Lindsay to say something else but she didn't. He realized she was just as nervous as he was; James took in a deep breath. "Well I suppose it's a lot to ask of you. I realize I ruined everything between us." James sighed as he watched Lindsay's reaction. "You know how much I want you Lindsay, but if you don't want me around I'll leave if you want me to. I won't bother you again."

_Now there's a million reasons for you to go_

_But if you can find a reason to stay_

Lindsay frowned slightly as she contemplated what to say, "But that's just it..." Lindsay began to say. She swallowed hard as a lump grew in her throat, "I don't want you to go, James." Her voice broke slightly as the words left her lips. Lindsay watched as an array of emotions swept over James' face, she could only pick out two: hope and confusion. "As hard as it is for me to have you here again, I don't want you to leave. In a way, I feel better that you came here. It's sort of a relief to think that I still mean that much to you. I sort of gave up on us a while ago, mainly because I didn't think I'd ever see you again. And believe me, I started to hate myself for leaving and not giving you a chance at all, but I thought it wouldn't help if I went back; for your sake and mine."

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_And give me a break_

_I'll keep us together_

_I know you deserve much better_

"What do you mean? You know I would have loved to have you come back, especially after I realized it was probably because of me that you left. I felt completely guilty when I found out – the fact that I had forced you to leave your friends and family because of the stupid things I had done to you – hurt Lindsay. I knew I'd hurt you, and believe me, I won't ever be able to forgive myself for that."

"I know, but I thought it was best if I stayed away. You could move on and forget about me."

"Lindsay I don't think there's any way I could ever forget you. You mean everything to me." James swallowed hard as he shook his head slightly, "I don't think I could ever love anyone else Linds."

_But remember the time I told you the way that I felt_

_That I'd be lost without you and never find myself_

_Let's hold onto each other above everything else_

_Start over, start over_

Lindsay felt her eyes begin to well up with tears; she couldn't find the right words to say. As much as she wanted to tell him the same thing, that fear of getting hurt again by him overshadowed that desire. Lindsay quickly shook off the feeling, contemplating whether or not she wanted to tell him. She sighed in defeat, "Part of the reason why I don't know what to say is that I feel the same way James. As much as I'd like to say that I was able to move on - I haven't. I _can't_. Trust me, I want all the same things you want, being away has made me realize that. I'm just – afraid of being vulnerable James. But I don't want to agree to it and see our relationship fall apart again."

"Lindsay you know I wouldn't let that happen." James tried to reassure her.

Lindsay shook her head slightly as she shut her eyes, trying to hold back the tears. She finally looked back up at him through wary eyes, "You can't promise that James. We thought things were going to be okay before and look what happened."

James sighed, "But I –" James pursed his lips for a second before he began again. "I can assure you that there's nothing more I want in this world than to be with you, to be with you and our son. I'd do anything to keep us together Lindsay, if you'd give me the chance to do that." James said pleadingly, he knew he only had a small chance of opportunity to win Lindsay over. To try and reassure her that he wouldn't allow anything to get between them again.

Lindsay sniffled, "I don't think I'm ready for that, for us, just yet. Believe me I don't want you to miss out on being with Royal, but –" Lindsay couldn't finish the rest as a small sob escaped her lips.

James stepped forward slightly; he hated seeing Lindsay in so much pain. Especially since _he_ was the cause of all her pain. He fought as hard as he could to not just throw his arms around her and pull her close; never letting her go again.

Lindsay looked up at him apprehensively, "I know I'm not ready for a relationship just yet but –" Lindsay bit her lip as she considered what she was about to say. "Would you wait for me? Wait until I'd be ready…?" Lindsay whispered, still unsure if that was the best choice.

James looked down at her, stunned, he hadn't expected that. "If you'd want that, then yes. I mean, of course I'd wait for you."

"Really? You'd do that?" Lindsay asked reluctantly.

James nodded slightly, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Lindsay let out an exasperated sigh, she'd felt like a huge weight was lifted off of her. Though she couldn't stop the tears from falling at this point. However she knew these weren't tears of desperation, or of sadness.

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_And believe that I can change_

_I'll keep us together whatever it takes_

James stepped closer to her hesitantly; he wanted so badly to just pull her into his arms now. To be able to feel that she was his again, but he didn't know if she'd be comfortable with them being so close just yet. He was somewhat surprised when Lindsay did the same though; he held his arms out for her at this point. Just as soon as he'd done this he found her pulling herself close to him, burying her face into his shirt. James put his arms around her, wishing he could just stay there forever with her, to never have to let go ever again. He gently kissed her hair as the two of them stood there silently for a moment.

Lindsay pulled away slightly so she could look up at his face, "Thank you," she said quietly as she stared into his eyes. She couldn't help but melt in his arms at this point; it had been so long since she'd been this close to him. And looking into his eyes - now full of joy - made her feel weak in the knees. Lindsay never thought it possible for her to feel this way again. It was kind of childish in a way, but she couldn't help it. She felt as if she could breathe again now that she was in his arms. And she couldn't help but love that feeling that she was completely safe here, in his arms, again.

James smiled down at her before he reached up and brushed his fingers across her cheek. He then pushed a few stray strands of hair behind her ear before he placed his hand on her cheek. He stared down at her eyes as he held her face in his hand. James didn't know how long they stood there, but he knew it had been a long while. He heard Royal begin to stir in his stroller so he quickly kissed her on the forehead before she turned her attention to Royal.

* * *

(Later that night)

Jonathan walked into the door; he walked into the kitchen where he found Lindsay dressing Royal after giving him a bath. He noticed that she seemed much happier than usually, smiling down at her son brightly. "Hi."

Lindsay looked up at him, as if she'd just realized he was there. "Oh. Hey Jonathan," she said quietly. She then reached down and picked Royal up, "How was your day?"

"Fine," he said as he set his suitcase down. "How was yours?" He asked curiously.

"Just fine," Lindsay said contentedly as she placed a kiss on her son's cheek.

"Nothing bad happened?" Jonathan asked.

Lindsay shook her head, the same smile still on her face, "Nope." She walked towards her room, "I'm gonna go put Royal to bed," she said over her shoulder.

"Okay," Jonathan said somberly as he watched her with questioning eyes.

* * *

(The next morning – August 28, 1935)

Lindsay quickly went to open the door; she hadn't realized that Jonathan had already left for work. She was surprised to find James at the door, "James. What are you doing here?"

"Am I not allowed to come here now?" James asked reluctantly.

"Oh, no. No, I just – didn't expect you, that's all." Lindsay said quickly, a smile spreading across her lips in reassurance.

James nodded slightly, "I was just hoping maybe we could go out to lunch maybe? We haven't really had much to talk about besides the obvious."

"Um, I suppose so, its just that –" Lindsay pursed her lips, "Now's not the best time."

James' face fell slightly, "Oh."

"It's not that I wouldn't want to, it's just…I woke up later than usual today and haven't had a chance to get cleaned up. And Jonathan's already gone, so there's no one to watch Royal."

"I could watch him." James said quickly, he took in Lindsay's reaction. "I mean…if you want me to."

"I guess that'd be fine, do you think you can handle it?" Lindsay said, a grin growing on her face.

"Um I think so. Shouldn't be too hard, right?" James asked; the hesitation apparent in his voice.

Lindsay just shrugged, "_I _don't think it's that hard." Her smile widened as she leaned against the door. "I think it might be nice for you to be alone with him for a bit."

James took in a deep breath before he nodded apprehensively, "Maybe."

"Why don't you come in then?" Lindsay asked with a raised eyebrow.

James nodded, "That'd probably be good." He walked into the living room, stopping there as he waited for Lindsay to meet him there.

"So." Lindsay said as she walked up behind him and over to the basinet. "He's already fed so you won't have to worry about that. And he should wake up soon." She began as she gently stroked his hair. "Shouldn't be too hard, right?" Lindsay said mockingly, a smirk on her lips.

"Ha ha," James said.

Lindsay giggled, "I'm only kidding." She started to walk over to her bedroom, "I'm going to go take a shower real quick, I'll be out shortly." Lindsay called over her shoulder, pausing to give him one last sidelong glance before she walked into her room and shut the door.

James stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do. He walked over to the basinet to look inside, "Guess it's just you and me, Bud." He whispered as he peered down at the sleeping infant. A small smile formed on his lips as he stared down at his son.

* * *

Lindsay couldn't even believe what had come over her a few minutes ago. She didn't think she'd have the guts to even open up that much to him. Before she thought it was going to be so hard being around him, even if she knew they'd be together again eventually. Maybe being around him when they were on better terms was easier than she thought.

She laughed to herself as she thought about what might be happening that exact moment if Royal had waken up. Though there was a slight chance James could handle it, but she had a feeling it was harder than he thought it would be.

Lindsay shook her head, a smile growing on her face. She had to admit, she was curious to see how he'd be with Royal. Every time she thought about it she only hoped things would work out just fine so they could be a family together.

Lindsay finally shut the water off and went to grab a towel. She wrapped it around herself before she grabbed another to dry her hair off some.

* * *

James sat on the couch with his head in his hands, he had no idea how Lindsay did it. Royal woke up and hadn't stopped screaming since. He didn't know if something was truly wrong or if it was the fact that he had woken up without Lindsay there.

He let out an exasperated sigh, he'd tried everything he could think of, but nothing worked. Who knew taking care of a baby was so hard?

James sat there defeated, unsure of what to do. He huffed before he stood up and picked up Royal. The baby squirmed around in his arms as he walked over to Lindsay's room. James hesitated for a moment before he opened the door and walked in. As soon as he did this Lindsay walked out of the bathroom.

"James!" She said somewhat startled, yet there was a hint of anger in her voice.

He took in her appearance for a moment before he shook off the feeling, "I'm sorry Linds, but he won't stop crying."

"Couldn't you wait a minute until I came out?" Lindsay asked as she walked over to her closet to get some clothes.

"He woke up right after you left, he's been screaming the whole time."

Lindsay rolled her eyes as she searched for something to wear. "Give me a minute –" she began to say.

Just then Royal spit up on James shirt, James pulled him away immediately. He winced as he saw the stain running down his shirt. Royal began screaming louder at this point.

Lindsay couldn't help but giggle at the look on James' face.

James looked up at her, his lips pursed together. "This isn't funny." He said as he narrowed his eyes slightly. James huffed before he mumbled something about it being disgusting.

"Sorry," Lindsay said, a smile still on her face. "Here let me take him," she said as she walked over to him. She took Royal from his hands, "Aw whatsa' matter?" she whispered as she cradled Royal in her arms.

James continued to stare down at the stain on his shirt in disgust.

Lindsay tried to suppress a giggle, "Why don't you go clean up."

"Are you sure?" James asked as his eyes flickered to Royal.

Lindsay nodded, "Yeah I think he's hungry again. Give me a little bit and then we can go."

James nodded, still frowning down at his shirt. "Okay."

* * *

Lindsay walked out into the living room to find James lost in thought. She walked over and sat down beside him on the couch, "You really like to push your luck don't cha?"

James shook his head before he looked over at her as if he hadn't realized she was there. "Huh? What?" He asked in a daze.

Lindsay shook her head, "Never mind."

James sighed, "Sorry I was kind of out of it." He apologized as his eyes fell to the floor.

"I could see that," Lindsay said with a smile. "What were you thinking about?"

"Um…" James began fidgeting a bit, "Nothing."

Lindsay raised her eyebrow at him, "Okay, now I want to know."

James shrugged, "It was nothing," he said, sounding indifferent.

Lindsay tilted her head slightly, "James..." she prodded him.

James stared at her for a moment before he sighed in defeat. He knew she was too stubborn to just let it go now. "I was just thinking about that day, before you know…"

Lindsay looked at him in confusion, "No, I don't know what you're talking about."

James let out an exasperated sigh, "I'm talking about that day I came over…and the night after that." He looked up, though at nothing in particular, "I was just thinking about well that day, wasn't one of my proudest moments, but also how things used to be."

Lindsay nodded slightly, "Wasn't my favorite moment either, probably my most embarrassing."

James smiled, "That bad, huh?"

Lindsay looked at him in mock disbelief, "It isn't every day that the man you're in love with just walks in on you getting out of the shower."

James shrugged, trying to stifle a laugh, "I suppose so, but come on. You can't tell me you didn't like it…"

Lindsay narrowed her eyes slightly, "My favorite part was you tripping down the stairs." She grinned at the thought of how bewildered James was that afternoon.

James shook his head, "I didn't like that part."

Lindsay laughed, before her smile softened a bit, "Why were you thinking about how things used to be?"

James looked away from her again, "I don't know, I guess I just wish things could be like that again."

"You don't want us to be together?" Lindsay asked, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

James shook his head, "No I meant that night we were together. Things seemed so perfect, almost simple, that night. I just wish we hadn't let everything else get in the way. Not that there was much we could do about it."

Lindsay nodded. "Yeah," she almost whispered.

James hesitated for a moment before he reached out and took her hand into his. She looked up at him, a bit surprised, but he only squeezed her hand lightly to reassure her.

Lindsay stared up into his eyes for a moment, she couldn't help it. Every time she did, all of her feelings for him came rushing back.

James smiled down at her, "Do you still want to go out?"

"Oh," Lindsay said as she shook her head, trying to shake off the feeling. "Yeah," she said before getting up.

* * *

Lindsay couldn't help but feel completely free again as she and James walked back to her apartment. She couldn't even remember the last time she had been so happy, let alone laughed. Being with him, she almost forgot about all the troubles outside of their own. _Almost_. Though she tried to push any of the bad thoughts out, the thought that she'd have to face reality again still loomed overhead.

Reality finally did come crashing down as she looked up ahead of them. Her smile faded as she saw one of the last people she wanted to at that moment.

"Lindsay?" James asked as he looked at her anxious expression. He finally followed her eyes to see what she was looking at. Though he wasn't sure at first, he had a feeling it had to do with one of the girls walking toward him.

Lindsay quickly moved out of his grasp as the girls neared them. She forced a smile onto her face as one of them looked up at her.

The blonde one's smile faltered slightly as the three of them slowed their walk. Her eyes shifted between James and Lindsay as they neared the couple.

"Hey, Jessica." Lindsay said as enthusiastically as she could.

"Hi, Lindsay." Jessica responded with the same tone. Her eyes still suspicious of James' presence.

"How've you been? It's been a few weeks since you've stopped by at the apartment." Lindsay asked.

"I've been really good actually, thanks." Jessica said as she turned her attention back to Lindsay. "What about you?" She asked curiously.

"I've been just fine." Lindsay said, her smile widening slightly.

"The baby?" Jessica asked courteously.

"Good," Lindsay said quickly.

"That's good," Jessica said. "Who's your friend?" She asked, turning to look at James again.

James turned to look down at Lindsay for a moment, confusion and worry apparent in his eyes.

Lindsay gave him a knowing look before she turned back to Jessica, "This is James." She said as she pointed to him, she looked back at James. "This is Jessica," Lindsay said tilting her head in Jessica's direction, "Jonathan's girlfriend." She said as her jaw tightened slightly.

Realization finally dawned on James; he quickly turned to Jessica, extending his hand. "Hi." He said politely before stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Hi," Jessica said as she looked back at Lindsay.

"Well I should be going now, see you soon?" She asked as she looked at her friends.

Lindsay nodded, "Yeah."

"Good, bye Lindsay." She and her friends walked around the couple. "Oh and it was nice meeting you, James." Jessica said as she peered at him for a moment.

"You too." James said as he turned back to Lindsay.

"Is that bad?" He asked reluctantly as he heard the girls' laughter fading away.

"I don't know," Lindsay said nervously as she looked away.

"Great," James mumbled as the two of them started to walk again.

* * *

Lindsay heard the front door open, she felt her stomach turn into knots again, knowing it was Jonathan. She sighed before she got up and walked out of her room. "Hi," she said brightly as he turned around.

"Hi," he said as he walked into the kitchen.

"So how was your day?" Lindsay asked as she did the same.

"Good," he said, still not looking at her. He leaned against the counter as he turned to look at her, "What about _yours_?"

"Um, fine." Lindsay said quietly as she went to get a glass from the cabinet.

"Anything interesting happen today?" He prodded her.

"No, why?" Lindsay asked, immediately regretting it.

"I heard you were out with James today." Jonathan said before his lips formed a hard line.

_Jessica._ Lindsay thought angrily, she knew Jessica would say something. Most likely blow it out of proportions. "He took me out to lunch." Lindsay said indifferently as she went to get some water.

"He took you on a date?" Jonathan asked in disbelief.

"It wasn't a date Jonathan. I told you we are just **friends**." Lindsay made sure to emphasize the word as it left her lips. She couldn't afford for Jonathan to jump to any conclusions at this point.

"It doesn't seem like it, Lindsay." Jonathan narrowed his eyes at her, "Last I heard you two seemed pretty close." he said coldly.

_

* * *

_

(Earlier that day)

_Jessica walked into Jonathan's office to find him bent over his desk. She walked up to his desk waiting for him to look up. "Hey, Baby." She said after he didn't look up._

_He finally looked up at her, he didn't seem to have noticed she'd walked in like she'd expected. "Hey."_

_Jessica smiled down at him before she walked over to the other side of the desk._

_Jonathan turned toward her slightly, a smile finally appearing on his lips._

_Jessica sat down in his lap before she pressed her lips to his._

"_Am I missing something?" Jonathan asked as she pulled away._

"_No, silly, I just wanted to come by to see you." Jessica said with a smirk._

"_I'm going to see you tonight, Babe. There's got to be a reason you stopped by." He saw her smile fade slightly, "Not that I don't mind you stopping by, you know I always enjoy it."_

"_That's better," Jessica said. She sighed, "You're right though, there is a reason why I came by."_

"_What's that?" Jonathan asked._

"_Well…" Jessica began to say as she looked away from him. "I was out with some friends today, and you couldn't imagine who I ran into." The smirk appeared on her lips again as her eyes met his again._

"_Who's that?" Jonathan asked, curiosity creeping into his voice._

"_Lindsay," Jessica paused, "She was with some guy I'd never seen before though." She felt Jonathan tense up as she said this, his hands balling up into fists at her waist. "I think his name was James."_

"_She was with James?" Jonathan asked through gritted teeth as he looked away._

"_Yeah," Jessica said with a nod. "Is that bad?"_

"_She may not think so, but I've been trying to make her realize it." Jonathan said in frustration. He let out an irritated sigh, "What was she like around him?" He asked quickly._

"_Well I didn't recognize her at first, but they seemed pretty close. She tried to make it seem like nothing when she realized I saw her though." Jessica said indifferently, she then noticed that Jonathan's eyes blazed with fury at this point. "Is there something I'm missing?"_

"_She keeps telling me they're just friends; I can see it isn't like that though." Jonathan said angrily._

"_I'm sorry Baby; I didn't mean to make you mad." Jessica said innocently._

"_Its fine," Jonathan said with a shake of his head. He tried to compose himself, "I'm glad you told me. I'll just have something to deal with before I meet you tonight."_

"_Is everything okay?" Jessica asked._

_Jonathan nodded slightly, "I should get back to work though."_

_Jessica gave him a small smile, "Okay." She leaned down and pressed her lips to his before she stood up and walked to the door. "See you tonight," she said with one last glance before disappearing out the door._

* * *

"What are you talking about?" Lindsay asked as her she clenched her jaw slightly.

"I'm talking about the fact that you've been lying to me this whole time." Jonathan said harshly, "You two are definitely more than friends, and I had a feeling you were. But it makes it harder knowing that you lied to my face this whole time."

Lindsay looked away, "It's nothing Jonathan, I told you that. Now don't get yourself all into a snit." Lindsay said lightly, trying to erase the tension she felt in the room.

Jonathan laughed without humor, "I can't believe you still have the courage to lie to my face when I already know it's more than that."

Lindsay sighed, her smile fading. "It really isn't anything Jonathan, we may seem close, but it's nothing more than as friends."

"You know that he wants it to be more than that Lindsay." Jonathan tried to compose himself, "He's going to want things to change later on." He watched her carefully as she stared up at him unwillingly, "Are you really going to let that happen?"

Lindsay gulped as she stared down at her glass. "I don't think I'm ready for that anyways."

"But you might be?" Jonathan asked in cold disbelief.

Lindsay shrugged, "Well I don't know, I just lost my husband. It's going to take some time to get over it."

"You are actually going to move on and find someone else?" Jonathan asked in shock. He stared at her in disbelief as everything clicked together, "And it will probably be him, won't it?" Jonathan asked through gritted teeth.

"I never said that," Lindsay said a little too quickly, she was sure it showed on her face though. She could see the rage growing in Jonathan's eyes, "I don't know if I'll be able to move on." She said as she looked away from his gaze.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Jonathan said angrily, his voice rising. "You **want**to be with him don't you?" He waited impatiently as she continued to stare down at the cup before her. "Answer me!" Jonathan yelled at her.

"Keep your voice down." Lindsay said sternly as she glared up at him.

"Lindsay, how can you even let the happen?" Jonathan asked.

"I never said I would; besides that's none of your business." Lindsay said stubbornly.

Jonathan's hands balled up into fists at his sides, "Of course it is my business!" He yelled. "And I don't want you to see him anymore." Jonathan said angrily.

Lindsay scowled at him, "You can't make me stop seeing him."

"I can and I will." Jonathan said in frustration.

"This is completely ridiculous Jonathan. I don't even see why you're so worried about this." Lindsay said as her brow furrowed.

"I'm worried about you Lindsay, this guy doesn't seem to get that you don't want to be with him. I'm only looking out for you." Jonathan tried to sound sincere, but the anger still overshadowed it.

"You have nothing to be worried about Jonathan." Lindsay said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Jonathan narrowed his eyes at her, "Of course I do. You don't seem to be able to comprehend how bad this already is. I can see it in your eyes that he means more to you than you'll admit." His voice began to rise again.

"That…..is none of your business." Lindsay said bitterly, her jaw tightening.

The rage began to burn in his eyes again, "So you mean to tell me that the fact that my brother is gone now means nothing to you? And that you'll let James that easily beside the fact that you lost your husband recently?" He began to quiver slightly as the words left his mouth.

Lindsay scoffed, "How can you even suggest that?" She tried to make it seem as if he were wrong, but deep down he was right. It only made it harder now that he practically saw right through her. She couldn't possibly tell him the truth; she knew it would hurt him deeply.

Jonathan stared at her in disbelief, "I still can't see how you can lie to my face Lindsay! It is completely obvious that you have feelings for him." His whole body shook tremendously now as the anger burned inside of him, "As much as you would like to hide it, I can see clearly that you want him too." Jonathan shook his head infinitesimally, "I can't believe you can even do that…!" He said as he turned away, his breathing ragged at this point. He placed his fingers on the bridge of his nose, trying to calm himself down. "Did my brother mean _**anything**_ to you?" He asked as he turned to glare at her.

Lindsay mouth dropped, she couldn't believe he'd even ask that. Of course she hadn't felt anything for Adam, but she couldn't tell Jonathan that. It was obvious neither of them felt any feelings for one another, yet she still had cared for Adam. He'd given her everything she'd wanted up until when James came back into her life. She knew she had messed everything up back in Tree Hill, and even had a hand in his death.

She shook hear head, trying to clear her thoughts. Lindsay gasped for air as she sat there staring down at the table. Jonathan didn't even know it, but he was right on the nose. He was completely right about everything between her and James. She'd only concealed it because she knew it would hurt him to know she'd moved on.

Lindsay took a deep breath before she looked back up at him, her eyes narrow slits now. "Of course he meant a lot to me. I can't believe you'd even suggest that Jonathan! I never said that I had feelings for James, why would you even think that?!" Lindsay practically screamed, unable to control herself now.

"You think I can't see that you're lying Lindsay?!" Jonathan screamed at her, "If my brother meant _anything _to you, you wouldn't even be seeing James now! Most wives are grieving at this point, and I know you're stronger than that, but still, I haven't seen you shed a tear since you first came. You don't seem to even care that you have lost your husband." Jonathan's lip grew into a hard line for a moment, "You're off gallivanting with another man as if nothing happened!"

"It isn't like that Jonathan! I've told you that he's merely a friend and it's going to stay that way!" Lindsay yelled, her hands now balled up into fists at her sides. "You know I'm not one to let my emotions get the best of me and its crucial now with Royal that I don't dwell in the past. As hard as it is, I need to just move on Jonathan. There's nothing I can do about losing Adam."

"You see that only proves my point! You're so sure that you should move on now. And apparently moving on for you means to be with another man!" Jonathan said angrily. "I know it has been a year since Adam's death, but it's as if he meant nothing to you!"

Lindsay was about to retort but then the sounds of Royal's screams filled the room. She quickly looked to the door of her bedroom before she looked back at Jonathan, her eyes burning with rage, "You don't know what I had to go through in my marriage. If you knew, you wouldn't have any problems with this!" She said before she dashed to her room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Lindsay leaned against her door silently, the tears wanting to spill at that very moment. She let out a choked sob before she walked over to Royal's crib and picked him up. As she cradled the screaming infant in her arms she walked over to her bed to sit down. Lindsay sat still as she rocked him back and forth in her arms until his cries quieted. "I'm sorry, Baby." Lindsay whispered as his eyes finally met hers. Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she stared down at him.

* * *

(The next morning)

James walked down the sidewalk to Lindsay's apartment, somewhat distracted. He paused as he neared the apartment building, seeing who was waiting for him. James walked closer, his lips in a hard line, "What do you want?" He asked coldly.

"I want you to stay away from Lindsay." Jonathan said just as bitterly, his arms crossed over his chest.

James chuckled darkly, "That isn't going to happen."

"I was afraid you would say that." Jonathan said as he took a step closer to James. "I'd back off if you know what's good for you." He said as he narrowed his eyes, his face still hard.

James smirked, "You should realize by now that nothing will make me leave." His eyes grew wary for a slight second, "The only thing that would is if Lindsay herself asked me to leave." His face grew hard again, somewhat confident, "And I really don't think that's going to happen."

Jonathan's eyes narrowed slightly, "We'll just have to see about that."

The smirk appeared on James' lips again, "I wouldn't hold your breath for that."

Jonathan's hands balled up into fists at his sides, "I'm not going to let you hurt her."

"I would never hurt her," James said through gritted teeth, his eyes narrowed even more.

Jonathan nodded slightly, "And you won't get a chance to either."

James' lips grew into a hard line before he spoke, "If you think I'm just going to give in, you've got another thing coming."

"I will find a way to keep you from her," Jonathan said coldly.

James nodded, "Well good luck with that." He walked past Jonathan to the door to the apartment building. "Why don't you let me know how that goes?" Jonathan said sarcastically over his shoulder before walking inside.

* * *

Lindsay walked to the door, to open it. A smile spread across her lips for a brief moment before she saw the expression on James' face. "Hey," she said quietly as she eyed him worriedly.

"Hi," James said as he walked inside.

Lindsay shut the door behind him, "Are you okay?" She asked in concern.

"Perfect," James said simply as he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her hair before he pulled away and walked over to the couch.

Lindsay stood still for a moment, knowing something was wrong. She sighed before she went and sat beside him. "What's wrong?" Lindsay asked as she placed her hand on his arm.

James shook his head slightly, "Its nothing."

Lindsay frowned, "It doesn't look like nothing."

James sighed, "Don't worry about it, okay?" He took her hand into his and kissed it lightly. James smiled halfheartedly for a second before the frown appeared on his face again. "Now I'm just going to take a guess, but I'm thinking Jonathan has a pretty good idea of what's going on between us."

Lindsay nodded sadly, "He and I got into an argument last night."

James squeezed her hand gently in reassurance, "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" Lindsay asked, slightly confused.

"Well its my fault things are this way now." James said dismally as his eyes left hers for a moment.

Lindsay placed her other hand on his cheek, turning his face slightly so he would look at her. "Don't blame yourself for this, please." She said when his eyes met hers. "I got myself into this mess."

"I don't want you to ruin things between you and Jonathan too." James said quietly.

"It's fine, he's just…" Lindsay paused as she tried to find the right words. "_Very _protective."

James nodded slightly, "I can see that."

Lindsay's brow furrowed, "Don't tell me he talked to you, please."

James looked away again, "Sure, if you want to call it _that_."

Lindsay groaned, "Ugh." She pursed her lips, "This is completely ridiculous!"

"Don't worry about me," James said as he looked back up at her. There was a short silence between them for a moment. "Listen I was thinking…" James said quietly, breaking the silence.

"About what?" Lindsay asked reluctantly.

"What if you and I go back to Tree Hill for a few weeks?" James said with a small smile.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea." Lindsay said quietly as a frown spread across her lips.

"You can see all your friends again though. And it might be best for you to get away from all this, if only for a few weeks." James said somewhat pleadingly.

"But what about Jonathan?" Lindsay asked sadly.

"What about him?" James asked, sounding indifferent.

"He will know you're with me. I'm not sure he'll be too happy about that."

James shrugged, "Who cares."

Lindsay gawked at him for a moment, "James!"

"What?! He's exactly the reason you **should**go." James said sternly.

"It's not going to change anything." Lindsay said in frustration.

"It'd make you happy though." James said quietly.

"I'm happy right here." Lindsay said as she squeezed his hand slightly. "Well I suppose that's half true, I'm happy if you're here." She said with a small smile.

"Why is it any different if we're in Tree Hill together then?" James turned so he was facing her, "You know Mandy will want to see you."

Lindsay's smile faded, "James…" Lindsay choked out as her eyes began to water.

"It's true, Lindsay." James said softly, he kissed her hand lightly. "I really think you should consider going. I know you'd want to." A grin spread across James' lips suddenly, "Besides I think Royal wants to go." James turned to Royal, reaching into his basinet. "Isn't that right Buddy?"

A small smile spread across the infant's lips as he coughed a laugh.

"I think that's a yes," James said as he turned to Lindsay.

Lindsay laughed quietly before she sniffled. "What would we do about Jonathan though?" She asked as she bit her lip.

"We can deal with that later." James said reassuringly.

"But –"

"Lindsay come on, _please_. I know you want to." James' smile widened as he kissed her hand again, "And I know it'll make you happy – that's all I want."

A smile spread across Lindsay's lips, "Fine."

"So you'll go?" James asked hopefully.

Lindsay nodded, "I suppose so."

James leaned forward and kissed her cheek, "Good."

* * *

(That night)

Jonathan watched from the window as James got out of the cab and walked around to help Lindsay put her suitcase in the trunk. He opened the door for her – a smile spread across his lips – as she got into the cab.

Jonathan narrowed his eyes down at the street below as he watched the taxi drive off into the distance.


	15. Author's Note

First off, I'm extremely sorry this story has been put off and not completed. I had every intention of finishing, but with not many people reading and life getting in the way I never got the chance to.

If you would still want me to finish please reply to this, if a few of you want me to I will.

Thanks for those of you who have reviewed and read the story!

Hill

P.S. (This is posted in both of my stories) As far as "Dear Life" goes - it is already completed, I have just been re-writing the story since it was originally a script.


	16. Author's Note 2

Last AN for now…

I just wanted to say thanks to those of you who reviewed on my last note. Again I apologize to those of you who enjoyed the story and I just kind of left it.

I'm going to try updating both of my stories, just give me some time to work on writing them. This is more for 'The Secret's In the Telling' since I'm writing that from scratch. 'Dear Life' is already written, I just need to work on the format. I'll try and update both as soon as I can.

Thanks again,

Hill


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